To be happy DD is going away with ExH for 4 days? My family say I am

[ExSILsWedding]

Ex-SIL is getting married during the Easter Holidays, DD aged 9, is her maid of honour and only bridesmaid (she will be supported by Ex-MIL and ExH).

To allow Ex-SIL to get married near to her DPs parents house which is 3 hours from us, ExH and Ex-PILs are taking DD away for 4 days during the first week of the Easter Holidays (ExH and Ex-PIL live in the next town along to me and DD, Ex-SIL is also nearby but not sure exactly where).

I cannot wait. I never get 4 days to myself, I’ve got AL booked as I was expecting to have to look after DD but now don’t need to, so I can just chill, and drink wine – DD has a disability so I very rarely drink alcohol due to the need to be alert, Ex-MIL can cope with DDs disability though so I have no concerns.

My parents especially but also members of my extended family are saying I shouldn’t be so happy DD is going away, won’t I miss her? Telling me I’m wishing away her childhood and can’t wait for her to move out and that DD will pick up on my negativity.

I will miss her, but I am also excited for her. She loves her Aunt and sees her dad and grandparents regularly (EOWend for 2 nights plus half the holidays) so it’s not a huge worry that she’s going to be away from me. I want DD to enjoy her time away and to help her learn to cope with her conditions in a new environment, this is exactly what I want for her – to not be reliant on me for the rest of her life. They’re not leaving the UK, they’re not even leaving England, so if something does go wrong DD can have treatment with no issues as her dad has PR.

I love my DD with all my heart, but my job as her parent and carer is not to make her dependent on me but to show her how to live with her conditions that are never going away and also to let her have fun without me.

But the way my parents are going on you’d think I want rid of my DD for good. Keep telling me DD will hate me for letting her go and as her carer she should never be without me because I am her registered carer (DD gets DLA and I get carers allowance even though I work).

AIBU to be excited for DD and really looking forward to the rest?

What about killjoys your folks sound.

You’re a lone parent to a disabled child, of course you’re going to bloody relish the idea of some rare solo time, knowing your daughter will be in the company of people who love her and can tend to all her needs.

Slap your dour parents in the face with a big wet haddock. You’re a human, not a martyr!

Totally fabulous for you, enjoy every minute.
I used to book my DH and preschool DCs on an overnight quite regularly so I could have some alone time. It was the best weekend of the year!

Absolutely not unreasonable at all!
It's brilliant that she's got such a good relationship with them,many haven't.
Start making plans for your 4 days and enjoy them without feeling guilty!

Well your parents/family sound like the slightly weird ones!

Just repeat Of course I’ll miss her (look very sad) but I’m happy that she’s excited about spending time with her dad and family, she’s such an amazing and well adjusted girl.

If they say anything, just repeat of course I’ll miss her over and over again!

I literally fist pump the air on days I’m home alone without the children. My DH takes them to school, I wave them off at the front door, slam it shut behind me with glee, whack on Alexa and prance round like I’m off my tits at Glastonbury safe in the knowledge I’m home alone till I have to pick them up again at 3pm. Four days would be heaven. You are completely normal!

Your dd will be cared for by a loving parent and grandparents, will go to a lovely event, and you will get a few days' break, secure in the knowledge that she is being well looked after.. What's not to like?

Tell your parents and whoever else that they are being ridiculous, and to mind their own beeswax. They are probably jealous that she's going to be spending time with the 'other' grandparents.

I once said to a colleague that the one and only good thing about being divorced was getting the occasional child free weekend. She pulled a face at me like I was a psychopath and said she couldn't understand how I could bear to not have my kids around 24/7.

It takes all sorts.

It will make her take responsibility as a Flower Girl, wonderful for her. Good old fashioned photographs to hold and keep are needed.

She will love being spoilt by her gps, and having a special role in the wedding. Enjoy your you time, and the wine .

Not unreasonable at all, as parents we rarely ever have days off. Enjoy your days and I bet you will miss her loads.

Let them be sad, wear black and have a drink at the pub bemoaning themselves. Enjoy your 4 days !!!

enjoy your days without her, really DO enjoy them. it's a sorry state when having a bit of time to yourself is seen as a bad thing. Sounds like your parents/family are projecting a bit of guilt back on you that they maybe aren't giving support to you and DD? that seeing you SO happy at the prospect is making them realise that your are maybe under it a bit more than they thought? .......... forget them, enjoy your time, you will get to hear all about DD experience when shes home and she'll have had a wonderful time

Tell your family less about you and your life. I wouldn't allow mine to speak to me like that at all, who are they to tell you what to think or feel or to judge your parenting? Less time with them, tell them less- you are doing a good job with your dd.

I go away by myself because I can, you don't have to have a 'legitimate' reason and it's important for children to know that mums are humans too. Doubly so if you have a child with a disability due to your need for a break.

But the way my parents are going on you’d think I want rid of my DD for good. Keep telling me DD will hate me for letting her go and as her carer she should never be without me because I am her registered carer (DD gets DLA and I get carers allowance even though I work).

i’m guessing that you and them aren’t close because quite honestly… how could you be close to such a narrow minded judgey couple? shudder

Your child is no longer in the womb, of course YANBU to enjoy a few days break. As long as you are not telling her how wonderful it is to have days to yourself she'll be fine.

I love a few days alone, my kids go to my mums for a night a week and i Love it, i do miss them both but im also so happy to just rest

Your family sound awful! Where’s the support and understanding?!

Was something my mum used to say when I said I looked forward to time away and alone until my Aunt pointed out to her that we not only have a disabled child who may never live independently, but no nearby family so little time alone or alone with DH. Also, pointed out my mum had family support from both sides when she needed and was able to leave me alone at home and leave me to watch my sister without needing to worry or pay for someone, could go out and do what she needed and wanted and yet my sister and I were not damaged by this, both of us independent adults who have done well for ourselves. Stopped my mum commenting on it ever again.

YANBU
Enjoy the break, I don’t understand why your family are being the way they are and trying to guilt trip you, if the ExH and Ex in-laws didn’t know your DD very well or know how to cope with her disability I would understand it a bit more but by the sounds of it they are very involved and very aware
I hope you have a lovely break and I hope your Daughter has a great time at the wedding as for your family let them crack on I’d probably avoid contact with them whilst your DD is away because I think they will ruin your break.

YANBU at all! Enjoy your free time, I can't believe your family, they're being ridiculous. I hope you have ordered a load of your favourite food and drink and manage to do something nice just for yourself.

She is going to have a fabulous time and you are going to have a fabulous time too!
It seems like all areas are covered in respect of any issue with your DD, I think the others are making mountains out of molehills to be honest! Don't they have any thought for your needs at all?! It's 4 days in the same country, you're not sending her to boarding school!
You need a break to relax and recharge your batteries. And it seems you're quite happy with all the arrangements, so I'd ignore all the silly comments and wish your DD a great time! And enjoy your time too! 💐

Yes!

Don't let them have any access to your freedom or get involved with any of their wants - protect this time. Maybe consider having a lovely facial, massage or other pamper session in your "me" time. If they ring ignore them until you are ready. Don't waste this time by using it on people who don't want to spend energy on. 🌹

This 😂😂😂

Absolutely not unreasonable

Meh. You don't have to justify.....enjoy!!!!