To be happy DD is going away with ExH for 4 days? My family say I am

[ExSILsWedding]

Ex-SIL is getting married during the Easter Holidays, DD aged 9, is her maid of honour and only bridesmaid (she will be supported by Ex-MIL and ExH).

To allow Ex-SIL to get married near to her DPs parents house which is 3 hours from us, ExH and Ex-PILs are taking DD away for 4 days during the first week of the Easter Holidays (ExH and Ex-PIL live in the next town along to me and DD, Ex-SIL is also nearby but not sure exactly where).

I cannot wait. I never get 4 days to myself, I’ve got AL booked as I was expecting to have to look after DD but now don’t need to, so I can just chill, and drink wine – DD has a disability so I very rarely drink alcohol due to the need to be alert, Ex-MIL can cope with DDs disability though so I have no concerns.

My parents especially but also members of my extended family are saying I shouldn’t be so happy DD is going away, won’t I miss her? Telling me I’m wishing away her childhood and can’t wait for her to move out and that DD will pick up on my negativity.

I will miss her, but I am also excited for her. She loves her Aunt and sees her dad and grandparents regularly (EOWend for 2 nights plus half the holidays) so it’s not a huge worry that she’s going to be away from me. I want DD to enjoy her time away and to help her learn to cope with her conditions in a new environment, this is exactly what I want for her – to not be reliant on me for the rest of her life. They’re not leaving the UK, they’re not even leaving England, so if something does go wrong DD can have treatment with no issues as her dad has PR.

I love my DD with all my heart, but my job as her parent and carer is not to make her dependent on me but to show her how to live with her conditions that are never going away and also to let her have fun without me.

But the way my parents are going on you’d think I want rid of my DD for good. Keep telling me DD will hate me for letting her go and as her carer she should never be without me because I am her registered carer (DD gets DLA and I get carers allowance even though I work).

AIBU to be excited for DD and really looking forward to the rest?

Your parents and extended relatives are crackers.

I bet when you’ve devoted the first half of your life to dd they’ll be expecting you to devote the second half of your life to caring for them.

Do people expect a lot of you, OP?

They are nuts
Your dd should have same experiences as any ither child

Your family are being ridiculous.
My two are flying halfway around the world for three weeks with my XH in the summer and I can't wait for a break. Yes, I'll miss them but they'll have a fab time, new experiences and I'll be refreshed and a better parent for the rest. Enjoy your few days.

Stop it! Are they off their rockers? A well deserved break to recharge will do you and DD the world of good. Enjoy every moment.

I wonder why they need you to be completely enmeshed with your DD op? Not suggesting you flip out at them - more, is it worth thinking about this further yourself, and then 'exploring' it with them (if they are the exploring kind haha)

Either way it might open up some new thinking about your relationship with your family and your role within it.

I bet your DD will have a ball, she’s an only bridesmaid and MOH and she’ll get to wear a pretty dress and see her family on your ex DH’s side. It’s 4 days! 4 days for you to rest, sleep late if you can, have a long shower or a bath, have a nap, basically do what you want and have respite for you! You may be her registered cared but you’re allowed respite too. I hope you have a lovely time @ExSILsWedding

When our kids were little DH used to take the kids to his mums for a few days once a year. I looked forward to it so much. Enjoy!!

Yanbu. I'm away for 3 days next week. Not really a leisure trip but I cannot bloody wait. A GP will be doing the childcare for those 3 days.

Oh ffs, your family are being miserable. Have a fantastic few days rest. Once a year I and my dh each do a little weekend away solo with the kids so the other one can have the house to themselves, and honestly it’s amazing. Parents should take opportunities for rest when they can.

Absolutely YANBU. You deserve a break! My parents are taking DD away for a week in the summer, she’ll have just turned 2. I cannot bloody wait. Of course I’ll miss her, she’s my whole life - but I am definitely looking forward to it. Ignore the batshit guilt-trippy comments.

You are not unreasonable at all! You know your DD will have a lovely time, she is with people who love her and will look after her. Enjoy your well earned break! Your family sound ridiculous to be honest, you are allowed to look forward to a little time to yourself!

I’m guessing they don’t make the same comments about your ex when she spends time with you/them? Absolute illogical nonsense, she’s going away with family that she loves to have a ball at a wedding where she’s a bridesmaid!

Enjoy your deserved break!

It’ll be a lovely experience for your DD, I bet she’ll feel very grown up and will have a great time. It’s a credit to you that your daughter feels confident and happy to spend a few days away.
Do your family and friends never expect your DD to go on sleepovers or a school residential trip?

It sounds like you have a good co-parenting arrangement and your daughter is happy and comfortable with her dad's family. Enjoy your child free time and look forward to seeing pictures of her in her bridesmaid dress.

Enjoy every moment

4 days?! I'm so jealous. Enjoy those days and treat yourself.

Absolutely not.

Have your parents never heard of respite and how important it is that the caters also get a chance for care?

Everyone needs to recharge their batteries and unless you have lives with someone needing care, you don't know how draining it is.

You have thought about dd and her needs (exMIL able to manage) and her emotions (she'll love visiting family). And then you've thought about yourself.

Let me guess - your family are not the most hands-on and supportive, giving you a break?

Keep looking at it in a positive way. If your dd picks up on your excitement for her to enjoy a family occasion with the other side of her family and be secure knowing that she's allowed to, even if you and exH are no longer a family, that's really good.

And she will also know that you are looking forward to your holiday, you'll miss her but have exciting plans so she's not burdened with "I can't leave her alone" feelings, and you will be excited to see her coming home at the end.

Will you still see her in time for Easter eggs etc?

Enjoy the break!

My first thought is that your parents are jealous that you DD is staying with her dad and grandparents for 4 days and not them.

Enjoy your break.

YANBU! I get one day a fortnight without my kids, and generally spend it cleaning/running errands - I would miss them terribly, but also immensely enjoy a 4 day holiday without them and with the time off work!

I do have to go away for work sometimes, my parents take the kids, and I pay to bump my ticket up to business class so I can pretend for a few hours that I'm having a weekend away.. although internet on planes is starting to put paid to it being a proper break!

And frankly, I am looking ahead to when they're older and I can leave them alone or they even move out. It's not wishing the time gone, or being negative, just looking forward to the freedom again.

That sounds amazing for both you and your DD. You get a few days break and she’s with people she loves and trusts. I’m not sure how anyone sees a downside!

If you ex has her half the holidays, you must regularly get time without you DD?
And no, you are not being unreasonable at all.

Your parents are weirdos 🤣 have a great time!

You should have put voting on. It would have been one of the rare 100% nbu votes. Well unless your abusive, miserable family are on here. Honestly what are they thinking? It's cruel what they are doing to you. What is their motivation? Have a lovely time.

YANBU to look forward to the break, but it is unusual they are all saying this. I mean if you keep saying 'cant wait!' In front of dd then they have a point 😂

They are mad! Enjoy your time off, I'm sure she will have a wonderful time and as your perfectly happy that MIL is capable of looking after her medical needs then she will be absolutely fine.
I'm not a single mum but I love it when my partner or parents/sister take my DD (2) out for a few hours so I can have some peace. My sister has already said she wants to take DD away on holiday when she is a bit older and I say 'brilliant, thanks!'