To be happy DD is going away with ExH for 4 days? My family say I am

[ExSILsWedding]

Ex-SIL is getting married during the Easter Holidays, DD aged 9, is her maid of honour and only bridesmaid (she will be supported by Ex-MIL and ExH).

To allow Ex-SIL to get married near to her DPs parents house which is 3 hours from us, ExH and Ex-PILs are taking DD away for 4 days during the first week of the Easter Holidays (ExH and Ex-PIL live in the next town along to me and DD, Ex-SIL is also nearby but not sure exactly where).

I cannot wait. I never get 4 days to myself, I’ve got AL booked as I was expecting to have to look after DD but now don’t need to, so I can just chill, and drink wine – DD has a disability so I very rarely drink alcohol due to the need to be alert, Ex-MIL can cope with DDs disability though so I have no concerns.

My parents especially but also members of my extended family are saying I shouldn’t be so happy DD is going away, won’t I miss her? Telling me I’m wishing away her childhood and can’t wait for her to move out and that DD will pick up on my negativity.

I will miss her, but I am also excited for her. She loves her Aunt and sees her dad and grandparents regularly (EOWend for 2 nights plus half the holidays) so it’s not a huge worry that she’s going to be away from me. I want DD to enjoy her time away and to help her learn to cope with her conditions in a new environment, this is exactly what I want for her – to not be reliant on me for the rest of her life. They’re not leaving the UK, they’re not even leaving England, so if something does go wrong DD can have treatment with no issues as her dad has PR.

I love my DD with all my heart, but my job as her parent and carer is not to make her dependent on me but to show her how to live with her conditions that are never going away and also to let her have fun without me.

But the way my parents are going on you’d think I want rid of my DD for good. Keep telling me DD will hate me for letting her go and as her carer she should never be without me because I am her registered carer (DD gets DLA and I get carers allowance even though I work).

AIBU to be excited for DD and really looking forward to the rest?

Don't feel guilty at all, she's going away somewhere nice with her dad and grandparents, so she'll be happy and cared for and a few days "down time" is lovely.

I coparent and thoroughly enjoy my school holiday down time, as long as your child is safe and happy then why ever not!!

Start making plans now!!

Moving forward I hope that you start to look at having regular breaks .

Alternatively could they be worried that you will get used to having a break and be worried that you will ask them next to look after her for a few nights another time. I think you totally need to have a break but they might not want to be drawn into helping out overnight.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I love my son more than anything in the world but I would still be excited to have a few days to myself. I think most parents would say the same if they were being honest. Enjoy yourself.

Sounds like you need some me time and this has worked out perfectly. Make the most of your break and look forward a girly night when she comes home from being the belle of the ball (excluding the bride obv).

That's unbelievably mean of your parents. Are they always this unsupportive?

Make sure you plan something really nice for those 4 days

Totally enjoy! I love it when my DD is away with her Dad. I love her so so much but it's also nice to have time just for me. :)

One of your jobs as a parent is to make sure they are independent and able to function when you are not around.

Enjoy your break!

O for heavens sake what kind of misery guts begrudges you a bit of happiness? As a parent of a SEN child ? You get your feet up and enjoy every minute .

Omg, they are being utterly ridiculous.

Enjoy your break, I’m sure DD will have a wonderful time

It sounds wonderful all round! Enjoy.

Of course its not being unreasonable.

I'd be questioning why they seem to be wanting to make you feel guilty for this, why they are not pleased for your daughter for her trip. It sounds like they have absolutely no concept of house intense it is being a carer and how much you, and any carer, really needs a proper break to prevent burn out.

In short it sounds like they are providing criticism not support to you, and this is likely to be in general not only about this specific circumstances

My DD used to go to her dads every summer for about 6-8 weeks. I would be so happy to have childfree time but a friend of mine would make me feel bad about it. She would say what’s the point of having children if you look forward to them being away from you? She is now an ex friend and I still enjoy my child free time when DD is gone. Doesn’t mean I love her any less than my ex friend loves her DDs

Enjoy your time off and ignore your family’s bs.

Not unreasonable.
Caring for a disabled child is so difficult.
She'll be happy with her family ...it's nobody else's business!

Telling me I’m wishing away her childhood and can’t wait for her to move out

Because she is spending 4 days with her dad and nana, and being a bridesmaid? Your family are being ridiculous! Enjoy your break!

Yanbu - enjoy your mini holiday 😀

Oh my god no yanbu. Enjoy and recharge.

Blimey, your DD is spending time with family having a wonderful experience. It's not like you're casting her into a pit of writhing tarantulas fighting with venomous snakes. You are absolutely not being unreasonable. You're still an individual in your own right as well as your DD's mother. I hope your parents and other family members don't communicate their own ridiculous thoughts to your DD - that's the only thing that would be unreasonable. Have a great time!

Reading the first part - absolutely not! Enjoy! But then in the second part you admit you have a lot of time to yourself already, more than most people get in a year on a weekly basis. So maybe they’re valid in their surprise that you’re so excited as, for an outsider, you appear to have a lot of free/alone time already.

This sounds like a win for all involved - a break for you; an exciting trip and event for your DD; some quality time for her Dad.
People thinking you are unreasonable need to give their heads a wobble. It's 4 DAYS. Not months or years.... FFS.
Enjoy!

I can only imagine how tough it is being a lone parent of a disabled child is. Time away from each other will do you both the world of good. Your daughter won't hate you for letting her go, she'd hate you if you didn't! You are absolutely doing the right thing by helping her to be independent, sad fact is, no-one lives forever and she will eventually need to fend for herself.

Your parents are mad! You are absolutely not unreasonable to be looking forward to some time to yourself to relax. It sounds like your daughter will have a great time (and would probably resent you not letting her go), seems you have a healthy relationship with the ex Family IL and are fully deserving if some r and r. What your family are suggesting sounds deeply unhealthy tbh

So she already stays away from
You half the holidays- what the heck is the objection to these 4 nights given she is away from you normally for parts of the holidays!

YANBU
Can we normalise wanting and needing time away from our children no matter how much we love them?
She will be safe and cared for AND enjoy herself.
Your parents are being incredibly mean. By anychance did you spend a lot of time away from them as a child? I had lots of holidays away with grandparents and spent a LOT of time at their house e.g. every day after school. When myself and DH went abroad for 3 days without DD my parents made me feel terrible about it. We (myself and DH) think it's their own guilt from leaving me as a child.