To be happy DD is going away with ExH for 4 days? My family say I am

[ExSILsWedding]

Ex-SIL is getting married during the Easter Holidays, DD aged 9, is her maid of honour and only bridesmaid (she will be supported by Ex-MIL and ExH).

To allow Ex-SIL to get married near to her DPs parents house which is 3 hours from us, ExH and Ex-PILs are taking DD away for 4 days during the first week of the Easter Holidays (ExH and Ex-PIL live in the next town along to me and DD, Ex-SIL is also nearby but not sure exactly where).

I cannot wait. I never get 4 days to myself, I’ve got AL booked as I was expecting to have to look after DD but now don’t need to, so I can just chill, and drink wine – DD has a disability so I very rarely drink alcohol due to the need to be alert, Ex-MIL can cope with DDs disability though so I have no concerns.

My parents especially but also members of my extended family are saying I shouldn’t be so happy DD is going away, won’t I miss her? Telling me I’m wishing away her childhood and can’t wait for her to move out and that DD will pick up on my negativity.

I will miss her, but I am also excited for her. She loves her Aunt and sees her dad and grandparents regularly (EOWend for 2 nights plus half the holidays) so it’s not a huge worry that she’s going to be away from me. I want DD to enjoy her time away and to help her learn to cope with her conditions in a new environment, this is exactly what I want for her – to not be reliant on me for the rest of her life. They’re not leaving the UK, they’re not even leaving England, so if something does go wrong DD can have treatment with no issues as her dad has PR.

I love my DD with all my heart, but my job as her parent and carer is not to make her dependent on me but to show her how to live with her conditions that are never going away and also to let her have fun without me.

But the way my parents are going on you’d think I want rid of my DD for good. Keep telling me DD will hate me for letting her go and as her carer she should never be without me because I am her registered carer (DD gets DLA and I get carers allowance even though I work).

AIBU to be excited for DD and really looking forward to the rest?

It's 4 days not six months! Enjoy! DS is going to PIL for a few nights in the Easter holidays, we have the first week off but not the second, he loves it there and I am very much looking forward to spending a few evenings with my husband, we're both working, but just getting up and only getting myself ready, getting a drink or dinner after work, going to the gym together, deciding to go and see a film on a whim. Bliss, and yes I absolutely love my child.

YANBU AT ALL

in fact id tell
them all I was working to make sure I wasn't disturbed.

enjoy every minute of well earned rest

They’re bloody bonkers and you sound well rounded with a healthy attitude. Have a fabulous time.

It sounds as if it will be a lovely event for DD and a great bit of respite for you, knowing she is well cared for and having fun. Nothing to feel guilty about, I hope you make the most of the time apart to then enjoy the time together when she comes home.

I think that you can simultaneously be excited for her, enjoy the time to yourself and also miss her a little. Whenever my children have been away it has been quiet without them but I wouldn't begrudge them the opportunity. Your dd needs to know that you are positive about her going and you have confidence in her ability to manage away from you and confidence in your ex and his family.

Sounds great. If it goes well then she should go on holiday with them every year!
Ignore the guilt tripping nonsense about being a carer. It sounds like she will be well cared for by exMIL (which gives the impression Dad isn't great but that's not on you. ) Carers need a break too!

Oh it does sound very exciting! You deserve time to yourself so don't feel any guilt at all and have a fabulous time.
We all need a break. X

No OP what are you thinking ? Your DD away with evil ex and almost certain ultra evil ,controlling , boundary trampling MIL .. ??

Cover yourself in a great big sack cloth .. smear on the ashes and sit in a darkened room until she returns .

It's the VERY LEAST MN expects .!

How dare you like ghe thought of a bit of respite and time to yourself! Don't you know that once you become a parent you aren't allowed a single selfish thought?!

My dc is going away with his dad too, also 4 nights, and also only usually 2 EOW. I am really looking forward to having enough time not to have to choose between housework, socialising and rest, but being able to do it all! Doesn't mean I won't miss him, the same as every time he's away, though.

Are your DP/family miffed as it's your DD other GP's she'll be spending 4 days with?

I think it's wonderful that you let your DD spend quality time with her Dad and his family.

Enjoy your time doing whatever makes you happy.

You're being a brilliant parent. Please burst out laughing when your family indulge themselves in this silly nonsense!

I sometimes wondered if I was doing it wrong when I always enjoyed ds going away to do something interesting that he would enjoy. He's 20 now and he is fine.

If DD was going away for 4 months then I'd say you're BU, but it's only 4 days!

Enjoy a break and drinking wine! 😌

YANBU at all! Your parents need to stop trying to guilt trip you.

Enjoy every minute!

Your daughter is going to have an amazing time; and so should you.

YANBU - but don’t you do this already if they have her for half the holidays? How is this different?

Are they always such martyrs or do they only expect this of you?

This sounds amazing for your daughter and sounds like you have an all round healthy relationship.

Enjoy your break!

Enjoy your break, you, re entitled to "time off".

Cherish your time to yourself - this doesn't make you any less of an amazing parent. She'll be with people who love and care for her - Enjoy

Enjoy every moment and reset for her return.

Ask family members to give their heads a wobble.

Your attitude sounds very healthy to me. Enjoy your mini break at home!

As a parent to a disabled teen I get it. Your family are trying too hard to keep her in the poor disabled child box, without realising she is a 9yr old girl who needs to be offered all the opportunities of any other 9yr old. (Provided it is safe for her to do so of course). You say MIL is capable of supporting her so I assume you trust her to do so? But it's an opportunity for DD to break free of the normal and try managing things her own way - but with a safety net if she needs it. Isn't that what Scout and Brownie camps and school PGL trips and other such stuff all about? Would your family not want her to do those things either? They need to find their own feet in life even those with disabilities. There are very few people who get or need lifelong care. For most disabled people they learn to manage and usually thrive. Let her fly!

And you are allowed to enjoy your time off - I'm sure you are talking to dd about how exciting it will be dressing up with Aunt etc, and not how you're looking forward to getting shot of her so you can crack open the wine! But all thoughts are valid. (Just make sure your family don't try to monopolise your time either checking up on your/her or assuming you need your time filling!)

@ExSILsWedding was there a typo in your op? I read 4 DAYS, not YEARS.

JFC your lot are as mad as a box of 🐸.

you can safely ignore their utter nonsense.

ENJOY your 4 days of child free time! Of course you love her, but FH, you're allowed to enjoy doing what you want, when you want without considering her needs for four fucking days.

bit if luck EXDH/PIL/SIL will enjoy it do much they'll want to take her on holiday in the summer too!!!

If only more mothers could do this (be in a position- for whatever reason, ) to do this.. kids would be so much happier with separation.

You are showing her what healthy relationships look within Co parenting .. shame so many dads are not as engaged with their child's welfare ..

My Mum is flying over for a few weeks and will cover the week of school for easter, she has offered to have the little people for two nights. We’ll miss them, but we’ll also wave them off with huge amounts of enthusiasm!

She'll be excited to be a bridesmaid and have a fantastic time. Rather than hating you for letting her go she'd probably resend it more if you stopped her. It's only four days and she spends half the holidays with him already so four days is nothing. Enjoy your time alone.