To be happy DD is going away with ExH for 4 days? My family say I am

[ExSILsWedding]

Ex-SIL is getting married during the Easter Holidays, DD aged 9, is her maid of honour and only bridesmaid (she will be supported by Ex-MIL and ExH).

To allow Ex-SIL to get married near to her DPs parents house which is 3 hours from us, ExH and Ex-PILs are taking DD away for 4 days during the first week of the Easter Holidays (ExH and Ex-PIL live in the next town along to me and DD, Ex-SIL is also nearby but not sure exactly where).

I cannot wait. I never get 4 days to myself, I’ve got AL booked as I was expecting to have to look after DD but now don’t need to, so I can just chill, and drink wine – DD has a disability so I very rarely drink alcohol due to the need to be alert, Ex-MIL can cope with DDs disability though so I have no concerns.

My parents especially but also members of my extended family are saying I shouldn’t be so happy DD is going away, won’t I miss her? Telling me I’m wishing away her childhood and can’t wait for her to move out and that DD will pick up on my negativity.

I will miss her, but I am also excited for her. She loves her Aunt and sees her dad and grandparents regularly (EOWend for 2 nights plus half the holidays) so it’s not a huge worry that she’s going to be away from me. I want DD to enjoy her time away and to help her learn to cope with her conditions in a new environment, this is exactly what I want for her – to not be reliant on me for the rest of her life. They’re not leaving the UK, they’re not even leaving England, so if something does go wrong DD can have treatment with no issues as her dad has PR.

I love my DD with all my heart, but my job as her parent and carer is not to make her dependent on me but to show her how to live with her conditions that are never going away and also to let her have fun without me.

But the way my parents are going on you’d think I want rid of my DD for good. Keep telling me DD will hate me for letting her go and as her carer she should never be without me because I am her registered carer (DD gets DLA and I get carers allowance even though I work).

AIBU to be excited for DD and really looking forward to the rest?

Do your family not realise how hard lone parenting is amd how much harder lone parenting a disabled child is YANBU Enjoy your you time!!

Can my kids go too!? 🤣
You're having much needed 'me time' - ignore what others say, so many people get help from ex husbands/wives I'm surprised you're doing so much on your own anyway!

Absolutely not being unreasonable. You are taking a very sensible and considered approach to a) her being with another part of her family, specifically her dad and b) the fact that she needs to have these experiences to be able to develop and grow herself as she becomes older. Well done to you!

YANBU! I've got my kids 50 50 and I definitely look forward to the peace and quiet for the 50pc of the time they are not with me! Doesn't mean I don't love them any less!

How wonderful for you both! I hope your DD has a fab time on holiday/ at the wedding and that you use your time to relax and have fun 🤩 😀

Your family are bonkers. She's nine!

Make the most of it! They are being silly

YANBU. Childhood is not 4 days long.

Your parents are being ridiculous.

You must be exhausted. Your DD will have a lovely time and you will appreciate her more after a break as you will be less frayed at the edges. Win-win.

They're being weird and sound like they want you to be miserable.

@ExSILsWedding

OP I hope these responses have put your mind at rest and you will now enjoy your well earned break with a free conscience. Don't listen to the negative Nellie's (apologies for anyone called Nellie) who want to rain on your parade.

BTW how much time do your parents and that side of your family give to your daughter I wonder? 🌹

Just enjoy your time without her but don't feel the need to tell extended ex family how you feel. They will potentially feed back to her so just let them know you love, you will miss her but are happy for her to have a change of scene.

YANBU at all in any way. You need a break at whilst your DD is away have a break from your family. Treat yourself, go to another town, have a wander round, lunch and buy something nice for supper to go with the wine. Have a lovely time, you deserve it

Your family are being ridiculous and they sound jealous of your 4 days to yourself! Ignore them and enjoy your time off OP!

Your family is insane. Would they be happier if you threw yourself on the floor and sobbed about the pain you'll feel with DD away for a few days but of course you'll let DD go and have a great time...because 'sob' it's what's best for her?

Buy wine, chocolate, crisps and enjoy!

Thank you everyone really looking forward to it.

Parents also don't like me sending DD away on Residentials or her even doing out of school clubs like Scouts. I wasn't allowed to do them at all so I think it's just the way they are, they say it's unnatural for DC to be away from their mums.

They don't particularly like ExH but claim they like Ex-MIL whether they do or not I don't know.

I hope your family who are saying this give you lots of support! Jeez.

I love my child more than anything (and he’s a pretty easy toddler with no disability) but I just had a fabulous weekend away without him!

YANBU in the slightest. Every parent deserves a break now and then.

My husband took our 5 year old to Scotland for 5 days last year to stay with his family. It was sheer bliss and I just loved the freedom.

I binge watched some series that I’d never get a chance to see, watched trash, drank on a school night, booked leave and always slept in. I’m encouraging him to do the same this year ha ha.

Your family are being ridiculous. Maybe you can shut them up by pretending to be distraught that your DD will be away for 4 days but why should you? Do your parents never have her to themselves? I love having my granddaughter without her parents, even if it's tiring sometimes. They miss her but appreciate a break and are better parents for it.

Exactly, even though her parents are no longer together she knows that she still considered and loved by her father's family too, so many children from split parents lack that.
I honestly think that people like the OP's family who think a child should never be aware from a parent do the children a great disservice.

@Delphiniumandlupins Nope they don't provide childcare, never have and never will, which is their perogative. Ex-MIL has DD in the daytime during the holidays but is never overnight alone.

I don't get 4 days to myself, because the school holidays we alternate days so she only ever goes until 5.30ish then next day (but 2 full days I don't have to find childcare for).

This sounds like bliss. Increase the joy levels by taking a break from your family for four days too. Maybe longer 😄

God no, enjoy. Lovely that you have the dymanic that your DD sees her dad's family regularly, loves her aunt and you trust your MIL with her (seems to be a rarity for MN for some reason)
You deserve some time to reset, hope you make the most of it!

You are raising your DD right. You are raising her to be an adult and this is another step along the way with significant support and excitement!

What would they rather? She not go? They want her to miss out on a once in a lifetime opportunity because her DM isn't there? Are they jealous that she is with her other DGM?

My DS used to go on holiday with my DF each year and I used to miss him terribly but by doing so he had 2 summer holidays a year (one with me and one with his DGF), experienced different countries and different ways of doing things and he still remembers the holidays.

She is your DC and you raise her as you see fit.

You can then do as you wish for the entire open ended 4 days!

I hope you both have a fabulous time!

So DD is going away with her father, who happens to have PR, alongside you, as well as her grandmother, who is more than able to care for your DD's needs? So there will be at least two responsible adults, possibly more around her, and able to care for her needs? For four days, so not an eternity either.
Your family are crazy if they think you should be feeling guilty about that/not let her go.
She will be cared for and spend time with the other half of her family. She's likely to have an amazing time and experience at the wedding too, being a bridesmaid. I bet she's really excited and looking forward to it.

Enjoy your four days, OP. Put your feet up, get that wine, and relax.

I would be the same.

But I wouldn't be discussing so much of my life with my parents and extended family.