To wonder if DINKs will be more lonely when older?

[Aintbaint]

Ok, so hear me out. This isn’t an US v Them thread …
I have a lot of Double Income No Kids friends - for various reasons, mostly choice.
So for most career has been their main focus, followed by their partner… Most have been very financially comfortable, travelled a lot, able to afford holiday homes, successful work wise etc basically all the benefits of no kids!

But now we’re all in our late 40s and 50s and slowed down a bit, retired early, separated or divorced, Quite a few just seem to to have lost focus, seem a bit depressed or unhappy, and don’t have the same focal point that having kids can bring.
I stupidly thought that kids would get older and we’d have our independence back but obvs kids are always there in someways - you never stop worrying or thinking about them or doing stuff with them. So still that focal point in many ways and Indaynthat as someone who does have a FT job they like and hobbies…

YABU - of course DINKs are just as happy and not lonely etc

YANBU - it’s harder as you get older when it’s just you or you+partner and work isn’t as important or you retire

Idk depends what kind of person they are.

My best friends couldnt have children for medical issues, years of ivf nearly ended them. They are settled now and seem happy with their lot.

My sister is very selfish decided she never wanted them and almost hates children including mine. More of an animal lover. Refers to her dogs as her babies which i find a bit odd like i should be talking all lovey dovey to them when they sit on me covering me in fur and slobber.

there are lots of differing circumstances as to why people dont have children

My 81 year old friend's son lives in Australia. She's a lot lonelier than my partner and I (DINKS) are.

I'm not lonely. I'm too busy spending my time and money doing fun things. I've got a great group of friends and we are always doing day trips, coffee, lunch, open water swimming. Life is what you make it.

I think the fact that the number of people who have chosen not to have children is growing, there will be a larger group of people who age in a similar way. Travel and hobbies, socialising etc will remain relevant for those who it appeals to.

Even if they are.... then what? It'd be a terrible reason to have kids!

Gosh, how many bingos are there in that one post? Childfree/less people fritter their time and money away, rather than undertaking the far more important and noble work of child-rearing.

You said yourself OP, you never free yourself of the worry. Is that really better?

Wtf is DINKS?

I agree @2024Melanie you can’t generalize about this, everyone is so different.

DH and I are the only ones among our siblings who’ve chosen to have children. Out of the three middle-aged siblings, I’d say that one couple is very contented with their life; the second couple somewhat happy, perhaps struggling abit to find focus/meaning right now; and the third isn’t happy for various reasons.

Having children wouldn’t miraculously make them all happy. Everyone’s different!

My partner and I are childfree by choice and work definitely isn't our main focus. We both enjoy what we do but we have active social lives, hobbies etc. We're busy most weekends. I'm only in my 30s and DH is 40s so it might slow down when we're older, but I wouldn't want to give so much up now so that I have a distraction for my last few years. I suspect we'll manage just fine. Having children gives you no guarantees of company in your old age anyway, my parents are wonderful people yet one of my sisters has gone non-contact with them, and there's a good chance I'll be emigrating to a different continent in the next couple of years.

Honestly, what is the point of a post like this? Completely impossible to generalise.

All 4 of us siblings left Ireland (and went to 4 different countries!) so my parents may as well be DINKs.

Sounds almost like you are gleeful?

Dual Income No Kids.

YABVU.

My parents have me and my brother, and my brother has kids. I used to see my parents twice a week until my brothers kids came along and then as they started to help him out with childcare they became too busy with “family stuff”. Because I felt I had no ties or obligations I moved away and built a life for myself with lots of animals and feel like part of the local community. The care of the grandkids is no longer needed and my parents who over the years gave up golf, dancing and tennis are now without a close circle.
For my brother, one of his kids talks about the dream of moving to Australia. Will it happen? I don’t know, but I think you need to make the life you want/ you can’t rely on others to deliver it for you.

I think you need to make the life you want/ you can’t rely on others to deliver it for you.

Completely agree, @Pheasantsmate

It's not "very selfish" to not want children.

I know one couple like this who are now mid 60s/70s, they couldn't have children. After they both retired they did more of the things they'd done before, so more holidays for longer at a time, much more voluntary work, on many committees of local groups, fundraising, on the parish council etc. By doing this they make a huge contribution to their local community and they find it very fulfilling. They have always been very close to their nieces and nephews and their families.

Yes, OP, the childfree and financially comfortable will crumble into craters of aching loneliness and need once they get tired of their fancy cars and exotic holidays, and slow down on the high-flying careers that will never, ever love them back. Absolutely. Meanwhile I am getting into fights about maths homework and freezing my tits off on the sideline of some godforsaken football pitch but clearly all loved-up and fulfilled because I have a Child Focal Point.

DINK here and over 60. Not lonely at all. We have a good life, thanks for asking.

I think they probably have a better support network of friends tbh. Being a parent doesn't exactly enhance your social life.

I've found the opposite, to be honest. My friends without children are generally in better financial and physical health and have strong social networks that don't depend on blood family.

I agree with this^
Children are moving away, quarrel, grow apart with their parents.
There is no guarantee that your children will sit and entertain / occupy you when you are old and frail.

In my experience they are less lonely as they maintain a social life and strong friend network, where as parents can let that slip.

No, they won't. Some DINKS may be lonely. But some people with DC may be lonely too. Some may prefer loneliness to endless worry. Some may not want a focal point. This is an US vs Them post, really.
( I have DC).

This is is just a nasty thinly veiled sneering that the childless will lonely and depressed when they are older because they haven't had kids.