To wonder if DINKs will be more lonely when older?

[Aintbaint]

Ok, so hear me out. This isn’t an US v Them thread …
I have a lot of Double Income No Kids friends - for various reasons, mostly choice.
So for most career has been their main focus, followed by their partner… Most have been very financially comfortable, travelled a lot, able to afford holiday homes, successful work wise etc basically all the benefits of no kids!

But now we’re all in our late 40s and 50s and slowed down a bit, retired early, separated or divorced, Quite a few just seem to to have lost focus, seem a bit depressed or unhappy, and don’t have the same focal point that having kids can bring.
I stupidly thought that kids would get older and we’d have our independence back but obvs kids are always there in someways - you never stop worrying or thinking about them or doing stuff with them. So still that focal point in many ways and Indaynthat as someone who does have a FT job they like and hobbies…

YABU - of course DINKs are just as happy and not lonely etc

YANBU - it’s harder as you get older when it’s just you or you+partner and work isn’t as important or you retire

If the parents have made the effort to maintain their relationship as a couple and actually still want to do things as a couple. Quite often the couple find they’ve grown apart. There’s a reason divorce is common after the children have left home.

Thread like this are stupid.... If you don't want kids, you can't make yourself want them. You can't go, oh well what if I get lonely, better flip the switch that makes me want them?

The OP has achieved her goal, it seems, by dropping a bomb and getting everyone to turn on each other to defend their lives.

I dont have kids.

Surely as you age, so do your children - they would leave home.
OP - Why do you think that would be less lonely than not having them in the first place?

M’y dsis has four dc. Two are in Australia and one is in the US. She has one at home. Both my dc are at uni in a different country and one is determined to join his gf in California once he has his PHd done.
We no longer live in a world where our dc are just down the world.

Bloody hell. It is a plopper thread, isn't it?

If you are in London, they will never leave home.😂

Who knows. My sister is 55, doesn’t have kids and has an amazing life. She is married to one of the richest men in the country though 😂

I haven't considered being lonely. I've got friends and family and hopefully will continue to make friends in life as I age.

Having children is no guarantee that you won't be lonely, and not having them isn't a guarantee that you will be.

They have managed to maintain relationships within their families and friendship groups because all they have to worry about are their own social lives

Ffs, this bullshit again? You do realise that childfree/childless people still have jobs, financial commitments, loved ones, health problems, elderly parents, relationship difficulties and myriads of other potential worries, don’t you? You’d actually have to be quite stupid to not realise this, in all honesty.

Absolutely, @KimberleyClark , you need to keep your relationship as a couple alive. That’s why DH and I feel no guilt going out regularly. We were at an event for a couple of hours last night while DS (15) was allegedly doing homework. 😂

Hasn't she just.

As a childfree person, I obviously do have the job, financial commitments, elderly relatives etc. that you mention, and those things do take up a chunk of my time and energy.

But despite that I still have more time to devote to my friends and hobbies than someone with children would. Because they have all those things plus children to worry about.

I live on a small cul de sac with majority retired people. Given we rarely see their children and they look after each other I don’t really see your point.

Some of those so-called DINKS don't have a choice, you know.

Childfree, in my 60s, live alone, retired now, have great pension income, no mortgage anymore, and am financially secure.

I would not live with anyone and they probably couldn't live with me either! I have good friends, just a few and a great family of siblings and N+Ns and their kids (my great N+Ns).

Life is good, no complaints, am never lonely although I don't socialise that much apart from lunches. I never liked the pub scene or late nights (just my preference).

I travel a lot, some alone, some with a friend, and some with unknown people on escorted trips to far flung places, as I would not manage that on my own now.

Lonely? what's lonely? I think some people are extrovert and social butterflies, so would miss the "action" of plenty of people around and lots of social activities. Some, like me are happy in their own company, and I think people like me will rarely be lonely. I have enough funds to be taken care of professionally or in a care facility if ever needed. I just want a room with a balcony or little terrace, and my family knows which one has that!

However, if I couldn't travel or get out and about I KNOW I would be very frustrated and could then probably end up lonely, I don't know.

No. I think they will be able to use their free time and extra income to create friendships and hobbies that will occupy and sustain them in later life. They will know their situation and if worried will prepare for it. Some of the loneliest people will be the parents of the growing number of adult children who's philosophy if MN is any guide, is they owe their parents nothing and they're too busy with their 'own little family' to bother with grandparents past their babysitting years. These older people may well not have prepared for this and be shocked when left lonely in old age.

Indeed. But the post I was replying to was one that said all they have to worry about is their own social lives, making no acknowledgement that childfree people are just regular normal people who have regular normal lives and just don’t have children. We don’t exist in a vacuum with zero stressors other than our social lives.

no guartee you will have nice kids/they won’t duck off abroad and be there for you. Bit of a selfish reason to have them!

TBH the happiest and healthiest older couples I know (mentally and physically) are those who don’t have children. Having children - growing and carrying them as a mother, and bringing them up, is hard work and can often deplete financial and mental resources, especially if you have dc with SN.
Seeing this in RL I never understand why anyone has a problem with adults choosing to be child free and trotting out the tired old line that they’re selfish - perhaps it’s jealousy.

@2024Melanie Shes too caught up in horses/dogs now

Says you. Probably she loves her life. Good for her.

This is such a smug thread.

Yes I agree op.

I know lots of people like this who are pretty happy whilst young but part of the reason for that is that their parents are still alive so they still have a family unit.

I do wonder how they will cope in their later years when their parents and older relatives are gone and they don't have the next generation to spend time with.

I was raised by terrible, terrible parents OP. My mother left my father when I was 7 and barely popped by to visit more than once every 6 months until she died when I was 14.

My dad is a narc bully who controls and bullies everyone around him so I don't have contact with him.

I'm pretty sure neither of them thought this would be the outcome when they had me. Having kids definitely didn't improve my father's life in old age much

Double income no kids

@Anotherparkingthread It is, but if you choose to be a parent, you know and accept this, don’t you? I imagine that many people on MN have been financially helped out by their parents and I’d hope that those parents aren’t now eaten up with resentment towards them!

As everyone has said, different choices suit different people. My childfree SIL just got back from a month long trip to Asia and I’ve enjoyed hearing about it. I’m not consumed with envy because I couldn’t go, why would I be?