To feel like DD loves her nanny-housekeeper more than me

[bringpositivitea]

My DD is 2, I'm a SAHM and we have a housekeeper / nanny who comes daily 9-3 on weekdays - she does all the cleaning, laundry, ironing, cooking lunch etc. The only thing I do is cooking dinner. So essentially I'm with my daughter all day, I try to plan really fun things for her like playdates, go to various playgrounds, soft play, feed the ducks, ride her bike, go to kid friendly museums etc. However if I have a doctors appointment or need to get something done (around 1-2 times per week when I'm gone for 3-4 hours) my daughter will stay with this nanny / housekeeper until I get back (they usually just go to the park).

It feels like my daughter loves the nanny / housekeeper (call her NH for short) more than me and I can't understand why. If NH is home when we are, she will prefer to play with NH over me and actively tell me "go away mummy" if I walk into the room they are playing in. If I'm dressing her for the walk she will request that NH does it instead. I don't stop them and it's now turned into them playing together just after her nap because if I ask whether she wants to go outside, DD will say no she wants to play at home with NH rather than go with me to the park or do anything with me...

This sounds like the dream!
I'd be too busy getting my nails done or going to the spa to worry about this 😂

What's full time mothering??

Here we go....

I would assume they mean being around full time through the day to mother their child. Not that they are a "better" mum, a more "valued" mum or any other thing people might imply - simply there all day to mother their child.

Nope still not understanding what full time mothering is.... is it a new saying??

@MrsSamR I'm with you.

I don't even get the help for an appointment bit.

Two babies and a toddler at a smear test, not fun but necessary.

What's the person doing all that time?

I don't get it.

Your DD is asserting her independence and 'authority'. She is insisting on NH because she wants to be the one to choose, not you. Perfectly normal behaviour. If she spent all day with NH she'd probably be insisting on you.

I don't think it's a saying. A PP didn't seem to get a SAHM with a housekeeper so the OP just answered saying she mothered full time.
Meaning being at home just concentrating on mothering her child, other chores taken care of. Not a saying, just trying to explain in simpler terms I think,

Is not a 'new' saying. It's just explaining the op's situation - she is at home to look after her child while a housekeeper takes care of the housekeeping. It's really not complicated!

It's just being a mum. As she says above she plays, got to the park, museums etc. She's in the fortunate position to be able to spend all the time with her child without having to worry about cleaning, laundry etc!

So why didn't OP just say housekeeper?

Because her housekeeper sometimes helps to look after her child maybe?

I came from Hong Kong and we used to have a stay at home helper to help take care of the children while we went to work. I totally get you OP! My gal always loved my helper more than me. When my gal grows older, she told me because my helper would sometimes give candies to her or let her do anything she liked, like watching YouTube (which I didn't allow when she's younger).
I have gone through those jealous moments too! But thinking in a bright side is, my helper should be genuinely good to my gal while I was not at home! You know, children can easily tell which adult are not good to them.

Full time mothering is looking after her kid full time rather than using childcare surely?
It's not really hard to understand that some people can afford to manage on one salary and to pay someone to do the housework is it? Surely people don't think everyone's on the same salary?

As it says, The housekeeper also nannies when OP has appointments - so is both.

She probably doesn't expect such scrutiny over it 😂

@PinkCandles No I don't think anyone is on the same salary or doesn't have a cleaner .but I have never heard someone say "full time mothering" ever

I want to see the house! If it needs 6 hours of work a day it must be amazing.

Is she really smiley, kind and fun to be with. Children pick up on that. Why do you think she prefers to spend time with her?

It’s the novelty factor don’t let it worry you. My two are older teens now but they’ve both gone through phases of preferring one parent to the other - no real reason for it that we could ever tell.

Lol at other posters being jealous of your setup - make the most of it!

As an ex Nanny, I can assure you that your child loves you more than anyone else in the world. However, it’s fine for her to also enjoy/be so fond of another person and you’re lucky it happens to be someone you trust to care for her.

She says I do the mothering full time she is not making it into a saying, she is explaining what she does 😂🤷‍♀️

Don’t get rid of her! Enjoy the your kiddo has someone else she loves. My DC used to tell me to go away when her nanny was there and still push me out the door at grandmas and tell me im interfering with her time with granny. It’s a good thing! Enjoy the break.

My friend lived in a country where not only would they have a housekeeper they would also have a nanny to do the childcare (she didn’t work). Sounded blissful. Apart from the fact I don’t like people in my house! She thought I was insane being at home with 2 under 2 and no help.

Anyway, doesn’t sound like a massive issue but I would just get out of the house more with your DD. Then she won’t see her as much and you won’t be bothered.

Eurgh posters are massive twats sometimes (Not you op).

My dd preferred my friend and cried whenever she left after a visit. Friend was/is fun and cool.

My dd is now an adult and has a great relationship with her ‘aunt’ (friend).

I think it's the novelty of someone different. As you've said, you spend a lot of time with her, as you don't need to worry about housework, etc. I think she's just enjoying the company of someone different. It's no reflection on you. You're her mum, of course she loves you.

If I had this set up I think I’d love the nanny housekeeper more than anyone else too.