To feel like DD loves her nanny-housekeeper more than me

[bringpositivitea]

My DD is 2, I'm a SAHM and we have a housekeeper / nanny who comes daily 9-3 on weekdays - she does all the cleaning, laundry, ironing, cooking lunch etc. The only thing I do is cooking dinner. So essentially I'm with my daughter all day, I try to plan really fun things for her like playdates, go to various playgrounds, soft play, feed the ducks, ride her bike, go to kid friendly museums etc. However if I have a doctors appointment or need to get something done (around 1-2 times per week when I'm gone for 3-4 hours) my daughter will stay with this nanny / housekeeper until I get back (they usually just go to the park).

It feels like my daughter loves the nanny / housekeeper (call her NH for short) more than me and I can't understand why. If NH is home when we are, she will prefer to play with NH over me and actively tell me "go away mummy" if I walk into the room they are playing in. If I'm dressing her for the walk she will request that NH does it instead. I don't stop them and it's now turned into them playing together just after her nap because if I ask whether she wants to go outside, DD will say no she wants to play at home with NH rather than go with me to the park or do anything with me...

I'm assuming that NH doesn't do any discipline and all the other boring parent stuff. She's just fun so I don't think it's that unusual she wants to play with her.

This is a wind up?

Probably just excitement of seeing somebody new a few times a week is all.

if she falls over & bangs herself & still wants you then you've not lost it Mothering wise. Just relax & be grateful you picked the right person for your child

Get rid of the nanny/housekeeper.

The nanny is more exciting because she’s not there all the time. Don’t feel rejected, she’s exploring different people.

Aunts are also premium playmates. They’re not your mum though. If it’s upsetting you it’s totally normal to feel that way. None of us are saints.

She's a nice person, genuinely seems to care about DD, she's good at cleaning etc so it feels a bit weird and mean to replace her because DD likes her too much... would j want someone she doesn't like? I just wonder if I'm doing something wrong

Would you rather leave your child with someone she has no fondness for? It takes a village to raise a child well and throughout her life, there will be other people who are important to her - not just you and her other parent. I think adjusting to that now would be a benefit to you and to her.

My son, aged 2, ran over to me and his playgroup key worker and asked her (not me) to pick him up and snuggled tightly into her neck, with both of them beaming while we spoke. I was so bloody glad that he was so obviously happy with her and spent the time that he wasn't with me or his dad with someone who plainly adored him.

She feels secure enough in her relationship with you to be able to express openly that she wants to play with the nanny.
This is a good thing.

Bit confused as to how you're a SAHM but have a nanny 5 days a week 9-3?

I think this is similar to a child going through a phase of preferring one parent over the other? That's really common. My DD always wanted her dad rather than me when she was that age.

DD's dad works!

Which element confuses you?

I’m glad someone asked! I would guess more ‘lady of leisure’ than SAHM?

erm…

I'm a SAHM and we have a housekeeper / nanny who comes daily 9-3 on weekdays - she does all the cleaning, laundry, ironing, cooking lunch etc. The only thing I do is cooking dinner.

If I had this I don’t think I could get bothered or worked up even if my DC clearly preferred the nanny 😍

@Notamum12345577 well no, I do the mothering full time (save for when I go to the docs to address a medical issue), just not the housekeeping. That would make me a mother who stays at home as opposed to work, commonly known as SAHM

I would imagine this is quite normal. My DD loves her key workers at nursery. Your DD has access to you all the time, so the nanny seems more special because she is there for a shorter time period. It’s good that they get along so well.

If you're planning to have another baby soon, this arrangement is ideal.

They can obviously afford it and this is how they want to live their lives. I'm not sure what's confusing ?

OP your DD is obviously secure enough with you to say she doesn't want to play with you. It's nice for your DD to have a "friend" to play with, she sounds very happy.

What’s confusing about that?
If she can afford that - then fair play.
I’d do exactly the same if I could

There's nothing confusing about it. They are fortunate enough to have household help. Nothing confusing imo.

It sounds like she is primarily a housekeeper not a nanny.

My daughter definitely liked my older sister better than me when she was little! Cool Auntie with the green hair and amazing imaginary games was definitely more fun than mum with all her rules and discipline and "eat your broccoli please". You're still her one and only mum though. It's good that she has such a good relationship with someone who will be looking after her!

Yes correct!