To feel like DD loves her nanny-housekeeper more than me

[bringpositivitea]

My DD is 2, I'm a SAHM and we have a housekeeper / nanny who comes daily 9-3 on weekdays - she does all the cleaning, laundry, ironing, cooking lunch etc. The only thing I do is cooking dinner. So essentially I'm with my daughter all day, I try to plan really fun things for her like playdates, go to various playgrounds, soft play, feed the ducks, ride her bike, go to kid friendly museums etc. However if I have a doctors appointment or need to get something done (around 1-2 times per week when I'm gone for 3-4 hours) my daughter will stay with this nanny / housekeeper until I get back (they usually just go to the park).

It feels like my daughter loves the nanny / housekeeper (call her NH for short) more than me and I can't understand why. If NH is home when we are, she will prefer to play with NH over me and actively tell me "go away mummy" if I walk into the room they are playing in. If I'm dressing her for the walk she will request that NH does it instead. I don't stop them and it's now turned into them playing together just after her nap because if I ask whether she wants to go outside, DD will say no she wants to play at home with NH rather than go with me to the park or do anything with me...

Well let’s be honest none of this matters to anyone apart from the OP surely? But if we took that stance no one with post anything or reply? It’s an anonymous forum 😂

however… I meant, if there isn’t enough house work to do for 6 hours a day then that’s possibly why the NH is spending time with the DD doing fun stuff… like, what is thee N/H split?

but… IT DOESNT REALLY MATTER TO ME 😂😂😂😂😂

It really doesn't matter and adds nothing to the op's question. Why are you so enraged and confused by this?

It’s very common for children in onto through phases like that @bringpositivitea

DS2 used to break his heart crying when I collected him from nursery as he wanted to stay with Lucy (who amusingly wasn’t even his key worker and was quite baffled by his fondness for her).

We had an au pair for a short time when DD4 had major surgery and if I dared turned up on the school pick up unexpectedly DD3 would be visibly crestfallen.

Itll pass. And it’s good for them to have trusted adults that they love in their lives.

One of my top fantasies is a full time housekeeper. if I could afford it I would have it.
i had one when I lived abroad and it was bloody marvellous

You did your job well, she can attach securely to other people. It hurts, badly, especially at the beginning, then you get it. Well done OP.

The nanny must be super happy to come to work everyday.

Sorry but first world problems. You have no idea how lucky you are.
It is simply because she’s not her parent, in the same way that my kids are angels at school but not at home.

If OP is at home with a toddler a lot (and cooking nice evening meals) there is probably quite a bit of mess being generated.

Sure, it's very fortunate to have someone to do the housework, but hardly mind boggling as to why someone might choose it. Probably means her OH has less to do when he gets home too, i.e. nice free evenings without ironing to catch up on.

Likewise, my OH and I work full time. DD is at nursery. So no one is making mess at home during the day. Nonetheless, we have a cleaner twice a week for cleaning, tidying and laundry.

I realise loads of people manage perfectly well without domestic help but I don't think it's completely batshit to have it if you can't afford it.

If you *can afford it!

I'm a SAHM and we have a housekeeper / nanny who comes daily 9-3 on weekdays - she does all the cleaning, laundry, ironing, cooking lunch etc. The only thing I do is cooking dinner.

you’re very lucky if you’re in the UK, usually SAHM do a lot more 😳. Basically you just enjoy yourself while everyone does the work. Congratulations 👏

You sound incredibly bitter.

@AmyJahabee I was going to say the same thing- you sound bitter and jealous!

I tried to read your response @Chocbuttonsandredwine

But yikes!

Those CAPS suggest otherwise.

Be well dear.

Ah seemingly poor @AmyJahabee has just found out that well-off people exist. Go easy on her!

I'd be annoyed to be employed as a housekeeper then while at work be told I'm now the nanny as you have to go out.

Yeah it sounds like you DO lots of things with your DD, but do you connect?

Eg do you sit down and play what she wants to play, follow her lead, goof around with her, laugh, wrestle, engage, give her space for her emotions etc?

It was most likely part of the job description at the beginning.
The OP has stated she has the following drs appointments :

around 1-2 times per week when I'm gone for 3-4 hours

So the NH is doing around 3-8 hours a week childcare.

I just really need to know what Dad does in order to afford this. I’m a SAHM and we have a £30 cleaner for 2 hours once a fortnight to help a bit… but even that’s barely affordable.. I do everything for 3 kids 5 and under and attempt to do the house stuff and it’s HARD! So yeah bit jealous.. need to know 😂

Omg. Is OP... HRH the Princess of Wales?!

same question!

If ever there was a thread riddled with drama for a non problem it’s this 🙄

With respect, I think you need to get a bit of perspective. You are a SAHM with a full-time housekeeper and get to spend 3-4 hours twice a week childfree...you've just described Heaven for most people. And just to add to it, your child is perfectly happy to let you go for those times.

Enjoy your clean house, clean clothes, lunch, and all the time you have to do whatever you want with your child with none of the usual pressures parents have.

I am very sure that she loves you more than she loves the housekeeper.

No, it’s not hard to understand. Just interesting that even with all that, happiness is elusive because we find something to be worried or upset about.

Yes because trying to do that and all the housework would be so much more fun!

To be fair if I had a nanny/Housekeeper I’d definitely pop out a bit more and take some time for myself. With plenty of hours left over to hang out with the toddler. But let’s not pretend that hours of housework is fun and it’s even less so with a toddler clinging to you…

Some of these comments are so horrible! People are weird. Leave the OP alone. Newsflash: people lead different lives.

OP: our kids have always loved their nanny, and when they leave they move on pretty quickly. It takes me longer to get over it! You will always be the number 1, trust me x