Getting parents to help out so me and DH can have a weekend away

[harveyluna789]

When I became pregnant with my first child my parents said they would never babysit as they finally have a life now after child rearing for 20 years - I took it with a bit of jest and thought that maybe when the baby was born they would change their mind but no - they have babysat once for a few hours about 10 yrs ago. Myself and DH are desperate for a child free weekend and don't feel our kids are quite old enough to stay on their own (16 and 14) so we have begged my parents to stay over and just to be a presence in the house and have asked to take my son to an audition 6 miles away(they are in their 70's) but very fit. They go on city breaks and travel all the time - hence the lack of babysitting. My son is autistic and if really pushed he could get to the audition by getting three buses but it would take him 3 hours. He refuses to get a taxi as the whole concept of getting in a car with a stranger freaks him out.There excuse is they are too old to drive him to the other side of town and he will just have to miss it or we don't go on our break!

AIBU to think just put your grandchild first for once? Or do I have to cancel our break so that my son can attend his audition?

I feel so guilty now for even contemplating a weekend away but I really feel me and my DH need this as we have never spent a child free night and possibly I think even a day and we just need a bit of reconnecting time.

Why not just move the break one weekend?

Why does the weekend have to fall on the same one as the audition?

Why book the break when you had plans? Surely the break would be better on a weekend when no one has to run anyone around? But yeah I get you, they sound really selfish and self centred.

Have you booked it? If not can't you just book it when there is no audition. Or can they get a cancellation with him? A friend?

Couldn't you just re-arrange you child-free trip for a weekend without a travel mission?

Ask friends to help out?
Ask both kids to get a taxi together.

Come on you know yabu because of your phrasing in the op.

so we have begged my parents to stay over and just to be a presence in the house
just be a presence. Do nothing. Except…

and have asked to take my son to an audition 6 miles away - they are in their 70's
just be a presence and also drive him 12 miles and wait in the car for him. For how long? Absolutely unreasonable.

surely you put your child first and don't book a weekend away when he has an audition?

surely you respect their boundaries that this is not what they want to do.

and both in their 70’s and you want them to look after two autistic teens for a weekend when they havent before?

go out for a meal instead.

Yabu to have booked the break over his audition, if you’re adamant he can’t miss it. Why not just move the break? Better to rely on yourselves; they were clear they wouldn’t be doing this.

You’ve waited 16 years, just book a different weekend away

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want a weekend away, but they did tell you they weren’t up for babysitting.

Although they aren’t young children, they do still need some supervision and I wonder if they worry that the children wouldn’t take any notice of them in any difficult situation.

Would the plan be for them to wait whilst your son has the audition and what about the other child? Will they have to go too?

I don’t think it’s a question of putting the grandchildren first. I think it’s more that you’re putting you and your husband first on this occasion. I’m not saying that’s wrong, or that you don’t need the break, but it might be more tricky ferrying them about.

Yeah you book the break when you don't have any other shit on OP.

Yeah move the weekend. You’re asking for babysitting and a lift to an audition. Your parents made it clear clearly year after year they don’t want to babysit.

What about his parents or even any friends for possibly children sleepovers.

It is a european city break all booked and paid for - about 6 months ago and didn't obviously know about the audition then. I shouldn't have booked it really as I knew they weren't particularly happy but just so desperate for some time on our own and they can literally watch films, walk and do crosswords all weekend - apart from the saturday afternoon!

Also considering they are so unhelpful im surprised your autistic son would be ok with going with them to something so important.

I would change the weekend away, less hassle. At 14 and 16 they will be fine for a weekend with nothing on.

Have you got a friend your ds is comfortable with who could do the drop off/collect for the audition? I'd be gutted if I knew friends cancelled their much needed trip away for something I'd be happy to help with.

did you ask if they would have the children for the weekend before you booked?

Well, remind them who will be caring for them in their old age
Clue: not you 😀

Yep a bit daft considering they’ve not had them overnight in 16 years - a local break would have made way more sense. How is your autistic son going to take to being without you over night for the first time in his life? I’d not leave the country for that.

Can you not move it? I’d loose the money anyway and rebook another time.

Your options are go, and he doesn't go to the audition. Or, stay and take him. Complaining that they won't do as you tell them clearly isn't going to change anything.

In that case is the audition really that important? I mean if your child is really Some huge up and coming star full of talent you’d always been on edge for work and auditions surely.

Now you really make the choice. Your final break away one time or his audition with a lift. You say he could take three busses and yes it’s a long time but also if it’s that important he would do it.

Are your dhs parents around? Any aunts or uncles?

Is not unreasonable to feel disappointed and let down, but you can't force people.

I think you need to put your relationship first and tell DS that he'll have to give the audition a miss on this occasion. Or ask someone else to take him? You could probably pay a chaperone to do it, but again this is more stress.

It’s not clear from your OP but did they agree to stay to be “a presence” and you’re now moving the goalposts to include the audition? It sounds like they made their position really clear years ago so I guess you shouldn’t be surprised they’re not keen to do more.

Not sure what the answer is - your choices seem to be re-book your weekend away or miss the audition.

I shouldn't have booked it really as I knew they weren't particularly happy but just so desperate for some time on our own

This says it all. You booked a break before asking anyone to babysit your teens for the weekend and whilst knowing that your parents would not wish to do this - and are now complaining that they've said no. YABVU - you can't just decide you desperately need a weekend away and someone else can take over. They are your kids. No one else owes you anything.

I'll be honest, I'm not in my 70s and couldn't cope with an autistic teen for a weekend. It's a lot to ask someone who hasn't spent this amount of time with them alone.