Getting parents to help out so me and DH can have a weekend away

[harveyluna789]

When I became pregnant with my first child my parents said they would never babysit as they finally have a life now after child rearing for 20 years - I took it with a bit of jest and thought that maybe when the baby was born they would change their mind but no - they have babysat once for a few hours about 10 yrs ago. Myself and DH are desperate for a child free weekend and don't feel our kids are quite old enough to stay on their own (16 and 14) so we have begged my parents to stay over and just to be a presence in the house and have asked to take my son to an audition 6 miles away(they are in their 70's) but very fit. They go on city breaks and travel all the time - hence the lack of babysitting. My son is autistic and if really pushed he could get to the audition by getting three buses but it would take him 3 hours. He refuses to get a taxi as the whole concept of getting in a car with a stranger freaks him out.There excuse is they are too old to drive him to the other side of town and he will just have to miss it or we don't go on our break!

AIBU to think just put your grandchild first for once? Or do I have to cancel our break so that my son can attend his audition?

I feel so guilty now for even contemplating a weekend away but I really feel me and my DH need this as we have never spent a child free night and possibly I think even a day and we just need a bit of reconnecting time.

Well, quite

Oh, she's that OP!!!

🤣

Oh man, is this a made up thread ? I still don’t get why people bother.

Not unreasonable to want a break, but very unreasonable to leave them with someone else for the first time (who dont even want to do babyait let alone have that time dictated to them on top, so unreasonable expectstion of parents too) when one of them has such a big and daunting event in their life, even without the additional difficulties his diagnosis brings.

@SleepingStandingUp

a few years??! You expect op to wait a few years?! Why? Thats ridiculous given the ages of her kids

@Milli0ns

yeah who goes op think she is?! She’s a mother now, she can’t do anything for herself ever again!! Going away for a weekend “a jolly” that’s what those frivolous childfree people do!

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It's one weekend you preagreed. Yes your parents are entitled to spent their time as they see fit but they also sound very cold towards their grandchildren. Which I am sure your children pick up on? I would try to ask a friend to help. Try to go on your break if you can without the guilt and enjoy it. Be proud of yourself as a mother and begin to prepare your children for more independence. Don't never become your mother.

Good luck

I'm sorry but your marriage won't be fixed with one weekend away. Why not schedule regular time out together, say, every Friday or Saturday night? That way you can pay for a childminder or ask a friend to watch them for 4-5hrs.

If you want the kids out of the house, surely they're old enough to stay over at their own friends' occasionally? If the issue is the autistic son, have you reached out to organisations that provide help? Why rely on your parents when they've a) told you they won't do it, b) shown you for 16 yrs they won't do it and c) don't owe you this favour simply by virtue of being relatives.

I live half a world away from my parents and have had to get creative in finding my village. I've befriended neighbours and my kid's school friends' parents. You do have other options beside your parents; just move your focus to solve this problem.

@buffyajp

Well actually it does make them useless as grandparents doesn’t it, and also as parents. It’s more than not helping out this one weekend, they don’t even want to see their own children with the grandkids around, I can’t think of any health condition that would mean you need to actively avoid your grandkids in all circumstances.

all the posters that have wasted their time on this thread when all you need to do is AS to see that see presents her parents pretty much infirm on her other thread (incidentally how about selfish thoughtless DH)

The OP has long since slithered off

Oh FFS. I've just seen this. What an absolute waste of everyone's time.

This is why I don't blame people for searching for previous threads. Saves you taking time offering advice when the OP is clearly a load of old bloody garbage.

You’re not being unreasonable but it’s their life and your parents are entitled to say no. And no amount of moaning will change this.

Hang in there a few more years then you will get your time back.

tbh that’s the kind of grandparent I intend to be and my kids will know this well in advance. We have two children and rarely get time off which is ok! They’re my kids I get it! But once mine are up and away! I want my free time back - not to be loaded up with my children’s kids. Maybe not as extreme as yours - but yeh!

After the last couple of posts, I did a search on OP's posting history. You need a DH who makes time with you and the family a priority, OP. A weekend away won't fix that. Have you considered marriage counselling to help him hear you on this?

How do you search for posts from a specific poster when using the app?

Go to Advanced Search on the top right hand side of the screen
There are options to search under username , subject, etc.

Ps. It’s just above
Start new thread

@Wingham thank you. I don't seem to have an advanced search option 😞

jeeez

I just googled it and mumsnet have said it’s not available with the app.
Apologies if I caused confusion, I don’t use the app.

I quite often change details like age etc to make my posts less identifiable, I know quite a lot of people who also use mn.

Bit sad searching OPs posting history for this thread. And most people change minor details like sex and age when posting so it’s not exactly a gotcha moment

It is in this case! in other threads she said her parents were infirm, couldn't drive (had to be driven) and had to be home by early tea time. Now, suddenly they're travelling all over the country independently, drive themselves, go out every fri and sat night with their young friends. Those details were rather pertinent to her OP so yes, it does matter in this case.

I’ve not read the whole thread, but of course you are not being unreasonable! It’s only one weekend. Most grandparents wouldn’t mind this.

Not sure if you’ve answered this, but can a friend help you out with the lift if the grandparents are ok to stay over?

@Wingham no problem and thanks!