Getting parents to help out so me and DH can have a weekend away

[harveyluna789]

When I became pregnant with my first child my parents said they would never babysit as they finally have a life now after child rearing for 20 years - I took it with a bit of jest and thought that maybe when the baby was born they would change their mind but no - they have babysat once for a few hours about 10 yrs ago. Myself and DH are desperate for a child free weekend and don't feel our kids are quite old enough to stay on their own (16 and 14) so we have begged my parents to stay over and just to be a presence in the house and have asked to take my son to an audition 6 miles away(they are in their 70's) but very fit. They go on city breaks and travel all the time - hence the lack of babysitting. My son is autistic and if really pushed he could get to the audition by getting three buses but it would take him 3 hours. He refuses to get a taxi as the whole concept of getting in a car with a stranger freaks him out.There excuse is they are too old to drive him to the other side of town and he will just have to miss it or we don't go on our break!

AIBU to think just put your grandchild first for once? Or do I have to cancel our break so that my son can attend his audition?

I feel so guilty now for even contemplating a weekend away but I really feel me and my DH need this as we have never spent a child free night and possibly I think even a day and we just need a bit of reconnecting time.

You can think what you like about your parents, unreasonable or not, but they've told you how it is - either your son misses his audition, or you move your weekend to another time.

It doesn't seem like you're going to change their mind.

YANBU. Could you book a taxi and one of the GP s go with him then they don't have to drive. Or does he have a friend that would go with him?

Could a friend take DS? I'd do it for mine.

the fact that you had to work so hard to get your parents to agree to help out indicates that they were quite reluctant to do this - how challenging would they find the specifics of caring for your children?. Is there someone else you could ask?

YANBU. I honestly don't understand some Grandparents stance. I understand saying no to regular childcare (that is a big ask), but having your grandchildren on the odd weekend here and there - that's a normal thing to do.

Well considering you’ve already paid for it and your parents have said no, just get your son to take the bus.

He can listen to podcasts with headphones in, take snacks and make a day of it. Not sure if it’s the 16 or 14 year old but either way getting the bus for several hours won’t harm him and he has nothing else on?

I wouldn’t be cancelling a holiday or calling out with my parents because my teen has to get a bus for a few hours. Not like you’re sending him down the mines!

If he doesn’t want to do that then he’s not bothered enough about his audition for you to be cancelling holidays for anyway.

Have fun on your weekend away.

If looking after dc isn't their bag never make looking after oldies yours...

Can they not take DS in a taxi? Would ds do that with someone he knows?

Well after all these years and they haven't been with their Grandkids on their own l actually think they are selfish.
When you have children... you can be almost sure you will have Grandkids to love and cherish.
I cannot imagine not wanting to spend time with them.
My daughter is a single parent to 3 teenage ASD boys.. I've told her to go for a few days away with her friend and I'll move in to be with my gorgeous Grandsons and l can't wait.. we will watch films.. play board games.. etc.

They haven’t said they won’t babysit this time, they’ve said they won’t drive him to the audition because it’s too much.

I did ask my parents first obviously and they agreed because all they need to be really is a presence in the house overnight - the kids especially the 16 yr old will probably be out doing her own thing anyway and we agreed that they don't need to have anything to do with them really - and they can be out all day shopping, walking etc - my mums argument is that when they agreed to do it it was because they could do their own thing during the day and now that has changed.

Also from a selfish point of view my kids need to realise that the time is now coming when maybe me and hubby would like to spend a bit of time together and because we have never had any help they are not used to us not being with them 24/7. I've had a fair few nights away as has DH but never together.

Ask a friend to take son for the audition,going against opinion here ,but I think the GPS are being tricky.

Move the break but at 14 and 16 just arrange for them to stay at one of their mates for the weekend (ie go home on Friday and go to school Monday) and give the friends parents a few bottles of good stuff to say thanks.

your parents sound like joyless fun sponges….

Could they each stay with a school friend if it's just a weekend? Is there anyone else you know going to the audition?

This is very true. Youre pushing your luck.

theyve agreed to stay and look after them. If he wants to go to the audition he can make his own way. If he doesnt, he misses it.

After 16 years of shit grandparenting they won't change now. I think your son will need to miss the audition unless he can make his own way there.

Can’t your 16-year-old accompany the younger one to the audition?

YANBU

It's really sad that your parents are being so unhelpful and obstructive - it's a 6 mile trip fgs, it's not like you're asking for the moon.

I'd arrange for a pal to do the audition run if at all possible.

I hope you get your weekend away OP

Could you pay the 16 year old to go in a taxi with him? Does he know anyone else going to the audition? If he does could you ask their parent to take him?

Your parents sound very selfish, however they’ve obviously always made it clear to you that this would be their attitude.

YABU . Book a taxi to get him to the audition and he can book one for the way back . Your parents made it clear they don’t want to help with grandchildren and when they agreed to help on this one weekend it was on the proviso that they did not have to ferry your kids about , you’ve changed the scenario not them . Had you told them they would have to take him somewhere they likely wouldn’t have agreed to come .

You’ve been over ambitious. Not a night nor a day to yourselves for 16 years then you book a weekend abroad. Why not start with a night or day?

This is a good suggestion

Good grief. I'm a grandparent and I can't believe how many posters are sticking up for this useless pair.

I'm near their age, and widowed. There just me, and I have my DGDs for the day (4 and 1) regularly. The eldest often sleeps over. And they live 40 minutes away, so I drove there and back to pick up or drop off.

These people (two of them) can't manage six miles each way, and for the first time in their 16 years of grandparenting life?

I'm also big on travelling and taking fairly spontaneous trips (which is why I don't do scheduled weekly childcare). But having my grandkids occasionally when it helps my DD and son in law isn't a significant restriction on my life.

I wouldn't mind if they were infirm and unable but they drive all round the country all the time - when they want to do something - they just don't like doing anything to help us because it eats into their leisure time. Most of their friends are in their late 50's early 60's and their social life is amazing - I think this is and always has been the problem helping us out means they can't do what they want to do, but it is 2.5 days in 16 yrs !!! Most Friday and Saturday nights they are out with friends and I think that is why they were reluctant to help because they won't be able to do this this weekend as they will be helping us out and I understand it is a massive ask but the kids will be no trouble - its just this one thing has come up.

Can't imagine not helping to make my dc's lives a bit easier /happier... Or my dgcs.. It's not like you asked them to carry him on their bloody backs...