Nervous about posting this for fear of flaming from the indie school haters but need some help!
My eldest child dreamed of private school. The local state provision is fine, but no frills and at the open day, the teachers seemed disinterested. They begged to try for a bursary at the local indie. I thought it was a very long shot but didn’t want to not allow them the opportunity to try, so entered them. They sat the exams, and did well enough (and we are poor enough) to be awarded a large bursary. They had a bit of a wobble and it was made clear that it was their decision, but guided on making decisions for their education rather than friends who may come and go. Two years on, and they are loving it. So happy with their decision. They are now flying very high academically, and having lots of exposure to things they would never normally have access to. In orchestra, rock band, dance class, all at no cost extra £ to us. They have loads of friends, partly due to the access to so many like minded people, and also have had excellent pastoral support through a long illness. Being on a bursary does not hinder them; they have plenty of army kid friends who from similar backgrounds, and also some very wealthy friends. It’s a genuine non-issue.
Whilst eldest has been at said school, middle child has been very clear that they will join them. Gave reasons of, lot of work but the education is so much better. Has seen what the school has to offer and was very impressed at open days. Did private prep at home to prepare; was clearly up for going. Asked lots of questions over what would happen if he didn’t get a bursary (which were all pretty much avoided or answered with - cross that bridge type response). Sat the exam (and for only this school; he was clear he would not go to any other if he got in). Worried that he failed, but instead got in and offered 100% bursary, due to doing well in the exam. He immediately said, I might not go…
We initially entertained, hoping he’d come round. Dear reader, he has not. He is now adamant that he wants to go to the local school, but will give no reasons. He is not popular at school; he has two friends, one of which is going to a school out of area, and the other will go the same school, but a different year. He is a bright child who is engaged in everything, there are many clubs which will appeal to him. He would like to work in tech when he’s older. The private school has double IT lessons every week, plus further coding clubs. The state has a 6 week provision every year. Conversations about this go nowhere.
We are now at stalemate, and after telling him that he needed to go, this has become unpleasant. We have explained that he won’t get another chance as bursaries are only available at this entry point, we can discuss after a couple of years, this is the opportunity of a lifetime, and it’s like a lottery win. His viewpoint is, he wants to go to the local school and we said he could choose. (It was up to him if he sat the exam.) We have explained that we thought we would allow that, but now that he has, we realise that it’s the wrong decision in our eyes, and we are not ok with it. Explained that even adults make mistakes, and apologized for making this mistake, but were not about to let him make a bigger mistake.
He is closed to more discussion. We are concerned that if he goes to the local state, as an adult he will regret that we allowed an 11 y old to make such a huge decision. Or sooner; if he wanted to go in a year or two it would be impossible due to lack of bursary. We are also concerned however that if we force him to go to the indie, he will deliberately hate it (he is massively stubborn) and not engage, setting in bad habits which might be set even if he moved.
So. AIBU to force him to the private school? To be clear, if both children were at the local state, it wouldn’t be such an issue. I don’t discredit state schools; if my daughter hadn’t read so much Enid Blyton she would be at the local state now. We always knew he would get in as the bar is fairly low. I was very stressed about the bursary issue but prepared to sell the house in order to make sure both children were treated fairly.
Advice desperately needed!!!!!