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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel the wedding?

242 replies

Anothertiredteacher · 04/03/2024 06:35

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

OP posts:
Whattobakeiwonder · 04/03/2024 06:36

I'm not sure exactly why you want to cancel? You want to be married. You're going to have a child together. Marriage will bring you legal and financial protection, particularly for the period you're at home with your child.

Daffyaboutdaffs · 04/03/2024 06:37

Why are you thinking of cancelling the wedding?

VestigiumVirgin · 04/03/2024 06:38

Why would you not get married?
Why, if you do cancel, would you not tell the guests, who have already outlaid money to attend your day, the reason why?

Lifebeganat50 · 04/03/2024 06:40

Why are you thinking of cancelling? Maybe slightly old fashioned, but I’d say there was more reason to get married now!

pictoosh · 04/03/2024 06:40

Why would you cancel?

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 04/03/2024 06:41

How very odd. Why would you cancel? It’s not even like you’ll really have a bump or anything. Literally no one need know a thing. Strange.

Picklestop · 04/03/2024 06:42

I am absolutely in baffled as to your thought process. I would have thought the pregnancy would make it more important to get married! 🤷‍♀️

Hiddenvoice · 04/03/2024 06:42

Why would you need to cancel? If it’s a case of finances, my cousin recently got married and explained to everyone that she was pregnant and couldn’t afford much so we all went out for a meal and happily paid for ourselves. We just enjoyed being there to celebrate them.

If it’s because you’re worried about people finding out then you may not have a noticeable bump and could surprise people with the news on the wedding day

K0OLA1D · 04/03/2024 06:43

Cancel why?

PoochiesPinkEars · 04/03/2024 06:43

Babies are really expensive and disruptive, if you don't marry before baby arrives it could take you a looooong time to ever get back round to it and meanwhile you are missing out on legal protections.
My friend got married with her toddler at the wedding, it was super cute but she wasn't as relaxed and focused on herself as she would have been without.
Maybe you're worried what people will think? Or what you'll wear?... They'll think you're in love and you'll look beautiful (that's what I would think anyway).

gestroopd · 04/03/2024 06:43

Is it because you can't drink at the wedding? Or your dress won't fit? I can't see any reason otherwise why you'd not want to get married.

To me it seems like a perfect time to announce the pregnancy to everyone. It'll be an extra happy day.

everythingthelighttouches · 04/03/2024 06:43

Congratulations! Two wonderful things to celebrate!!

I would make getting married a priority now, not cancel it.

If you do decide to cancel I think not telling people why will cause a whole load of drama you don’t need.

You won’t even be that far along.

Greybutterfly · 04/03/2024 06:44

What is your reason for cancelling? Is it because you can’t have a drink? I don’t understand why you would feel the need to cancel your 4 months pregnant .. would your close family not know at this stage? I think they would all feel your being OTT especially after they have laid out money to attend and your cancelling for no reason

MiltonNorthern · 04/03/2024 06:44

Why on earth? It is much better legally to be married before you have a baby, and you'll be physically fine at 17 weeks. Why are you cancelling?

YireosDodeAver · 04/03/2024 06:45

Being 17 weeks pregnant is not a good reason to cancel. Go ahead and have your wedding. By 17 weeks you are usually past the nausea etc of the first trimester but aren't too whale-like yet. Weddong dresses that accommodate a baby bump can look amazing. A baby bump isn't fat and doesn't stop you from being gorgeous.

If you don't actually want to marry him then don't. Don't go through with it even if the reason that triggers such a feeling hapoens the day before, or on the day itself. But if you want to be married to him then do not delay.

ArrestHer · 04/03/2024 06:46

I don’t understand why you would cancel? Can you explain your thinking?

Saymyname28 · 04/03/2024 06:50

Is it not his baby? Why else would you cancel?

GRex · 04/03/2024 06:51

Maternity wedding dresses are gorgeous, have a look at some.

Do you want to marry your DP? Saying no to that would be the only reason to call it off.

Jifmicroliquid · 04/03/2024 06:53

My friend got married at 5 months pregnant. She was barely showing at the time but even if she had been, she wouldn’t have cared.

Why would you need to cancel the wedding? Your baby is basically a guest to your special day, I think it’s wonderful!

moonjump · 04/03/2024 06:54

Absolutely don't cancel, there's really no reason to.

Plenty of people have got married whilst pregnant, and it will be a lot easier for you than getting married when you've got a baby or toddler to add into the equation.

twohotwaterbottles · 04/03/2024 06:54

Don't cancel. Just think you'll be able to tell darling child that they were actually at your wedding and all three of you loved it. It'll be really special 🥰

ViciousCurrentBun · 04/03/2024 06:55

What’s your financial set up?

You would be stupid to cancel your wedding. Forget what your frock looks like or any of that hearts and roses malarkey and consider what happens to you and your child if you ever broke up with your partner and are unmarried.

PoochiesPinkEars · 04/03/2024 06:55

@GRex

PoochiesPinkEars · 04/03/2024 06:57

That said 'wise words @GRex '!

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/03/2024 06:58

Surely now you have two things to celebrate. If the only reason is you won’t fit into your dress, surely in the scheme of things that’s a bit silly….? Get married op.