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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel the wedding?

242 replies

Anothertiredteacher · 04/03/2024 06:35

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

OP posts:
MississippiAF · 04/03/2024 06:59

I got married at 16 weeks pregnant and had a great time, no need to cancel. It’s lovely as there’s no post-wedding blues, you have lots to look forward to afterwards

Sonora25 · 04/03/2024 07:00

Don’t cancel, go and read the threads of the women who are in a financially bad position because they never married the father of their children.
a wedding with a baby/toddler is harder and more stressful than pregnant. Drinking is not everything!

PinkPink1 · 04/03/2024 07:04

Why would you cancel? I didn't look pregnant until quite far on in my pregnancy. I doubt people would notice if you didn't drink alcohol. It would also be a nice time to announce the pregnancy because you're past the first scan.

solarised · 04/03/2024 07:04

Are you cancelling because you're worried as you won't be at 20 weeks?

circlesand · 04/03/2024 07:06

Why would you cancel? Being pregnant isn't a debilitating illness. Lots of people get married when they are pregnant.

Waitingforsomethinginteresting · 04/03/2024 07:07

I don't see why you'd cancel? I agree with previous posters this may sound old fashioned but surely there's more reason to get married now then before?

solarised · 04/03/2024 07:09

OP I think it would help if you could explain why you think it might be cause to cancel. Is it the stage of the pregnancy? Worries about how your symptoms will be on the day? Worries about the social stigma of being a pregnant bride? The money?

rowanoak · 04/03/2024 07:12

I have no idea why you’d need to cancel. I was 7.5 months pregnant when I got married and it was the best day of my life. I would do it over every single year if I could.

strawberryandtomato · 04/03/2024 07:13

Congratulations. People will pretend to be okay about the cancellation but I'm sorry that's just not on at all. Also I don't really understand why you would cancel. This is surely more of an incentive to go ahead!

Littlebowiepeep · 04/03/2024 07:13

I don't get why you are thinking of cancelling the wedding ??

Cbljgdpk · 04/03/2024 07:15

I’m also not sure why you’d cancel. I think people will be upset if they lose money.

Roselilly36 · 04/03/2024 07:16

Many congratulations OP, what lovely news. I would get married, but scale down the plans, have a smaller wedding. Good luck.

candycane222 · 04/03/2024 07:20

I was 6 months pg when we got married - definitely showing 😂. It was a wonderful day and we had a lovely honeymoon (weather was crap but the sex was terrific 😁)

Cbljgdpk · 04/03/2024 07:20

Also It’s easier to wedding plan and actually get married while pregnant than once you have a baby or small child. You’ll barely have a bump at that stage.
Also think about whether marriage gives you financial safety.

Sparkletastic · 04/03/2024 07:26

Even more reason to marry as swiftly as possible.

BurbageBrook · 04/03/2024 07:26

It is a bit odd, yes, and a bit unreasonable to guests! Why on earth would you cancel? Plenty of people marry when pregnant. At 17 weeks you'll be showing a bit but will be able to get away with an ordinary rather than a maternity wedding dress, just maybe not in your usual size or slightly altered by a seamstress.

Untethered · 04/03/2024 07:29

Get married for the financial security if you are the lower earner/SAHM.

Have the registry at least.

Then maybe have a party in a couple of years.

Allshallbewell2021 · 04/03/2024 07:30

I think it is unfair. I've paid for accomodation for 4 for a wedding in July and would be very annoyed to have to cancel and then loathe to rebook when and if the couple decided to reschedule.

Can't see why you would cancel. You have everything to gain.

Is it about the dress?

SecondUsername4me · 04/03/2024 07:30

Why would you cancel?

QueSyrahSyrah · 04/03/2024 07:31

Another here confused as to why you'd need to cancel? It'll be MUCH harder to rearrange once you have a baby, just crack on and enjoy your wedding day.

Dogdilemma2000 · 04/03/2024 07:33

If you cancel you and your guests will all loose money - deposits etc.

Just crack on and enjoy.

thefallen · 04/03/2024 07:34

Why would you cancel? Being married gives a fair amount of protection which I'd want in place before I gave birth TBH.

ZenNudist · 04/03/2024 07:35

Get married. Unless you are independently wealthy, you need the security and protection.

Don't be one of those women on here who has dc, never got round to getting married and now partner has changed his mind.

SendmetoWales · 04/03/2024 07:35

I would say your wedding is happing at just the right time. Also at 17 weeks you will still be white small to carry off a dress. I

Summerbay23 · 04/03/2024 07:36

Another vote for going ahead as planned. It will take years to get sorted once you have a baby. I was about 17 weeks pregnant when I was a bridesmaid and I didn’t really show. Marriage is obviously important to you and is probably even more important when you have children.