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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel the wedding?

242 replies

Anothertiredteacher · 04/03/2024 06:35

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

OP posts:
mindutopia · 04/03/2024 09:08

Absolutely do not cancel - unless you don't think you want to be with your partner anymore. You have all the more reason to get married now - for practical and financial reasons that set your baby up for a more secure start to life. And if you are planning to have your baby, a wedding with a baby in the oven as opposed to running around, causing chaos will make for a much more enjoyable day. You can actually have time for each other. You can stay up as late as you want without needing to end your wedding night early to go home for bedtime. You can take a honeymoon without having to worry about childcare or taking a baby along. For a whole lot of practical reasons, getting married before you become parents will make the day so much easier and more enjoyable.

K0OLA1D · 04/03/2024 09:14

Willmafrockfit · 04/03/2024 09:07

i guess the op feels embarrassed to be showing?

Why?

Willmafrockfit · 04/03/2024 09:15

i guess the op will feel large/have a baby bump
that is understandable,

Apollo365 · 04/03/2024 09:29

17 weeks you will have told everyone or can announce it on the day like PP suggested.
Im not sure why you would cancel unless there is a huge backstory like the baby isn’t fiancés or something! 😅

Twentypastfour · 04/03/2024 09:37

Are you thinking you’d then get married a few years later when you aren’t pregnant?
Because leaving aside the financial security and all that bit (which is important) that will be harder anyway. You’d have a baby or toddler you’ll want to include in the day, having to accommodate them, maybe bringing them on honeymoon or not bringing them but missing them and feeling guilty…
Early - mid second trimester is generally the best part of pregnant. Most (but not all!) women tend to feel bloody fantastic at that point. Travel insurance and flying isn’t an issue.. Really, if you had to plan to get married pregnant that would be the time to do it.

Jessforless · 04/03/2024 09:54

I don’t think there’s a new way to ask ‘why do want to cancel the wedding’ after 5 pages of it 😂

gettingolderbutcooler · 04/03/2024 09:57

I got married 30 weeks pregnant with twins!

Justkeeepswimming · 04/03/2024 09:59

@Anothertiredteacher

Get an artfully concealing dress and get married.

You and your child are legally very vulnerable if you don’t. And it will get put off forever and a day once you have a baby causing chaos in the house.

Get married and enjoy your day!!!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/03/2024 10:02

Why would you cancel?

Obviously every pregnancy is different but you should be over the first trimester sickness/tiredness and won’t be too big yet so it shouldn’t impact on your day too much.

Tamijade · 04/03/2024 10:09

I say don't cancel it, everything will be fine, don't worry.

Original poster
Anothertiredteacher · 04/03/2024 10:10

Thanks all for your comments.

There were a couple of reasons for contemplating cancelling - I was worried about sickness/feeling crap and perhaps trivially, was worried I wasn’t going to have the day I’d planned for/envisioned.

Appreciate all the responses. Will get dress shopping for a bigger dress and plough on.

OP posts:
CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 04/03/2024 10:12

Anothertiredteacher · 04/03/2024 10:10

Thanks all for your comments.

There were a couple of reasons for contemplating cancelling - I was worried about sickness/feeling crap and perhaps trivially, was worried I wasn’t going to have the day I’d planned for/envisioned.

Appreciate all the responses. Will get dress shopping for a bigger dress and plough on.

Nice one, OP - enjoy your big day, and good luck with the planning.

jolies1 · 04/03/2024 10:13

I know every pregnancy is different but for me weeks 14-28 were the best of my pregnancy, I looked and felt great and wasn’t showing massively at 17 weeks (I had a little belly but it was easily concealed, I didn’t announce my pregnancy to the wider team at my work except my manager until 22 weeks and no one had guessed).

DIYnovices · 04/03/2024 10:13

Get married unless you are particularly unwell because of the pregnancy. 17 weeks you will hardly be showing and you can still go on an exotic honeymoon and relax for a week or two. You won’t be able to do this again for years and years- you’ll either have to take the kid or be worrying about them left behind.

Saymyname28 · 04/03/2024 10:14

You probably won't even need a bigger dress at 17 weeks. I'm in my second pregnancy and my belly has just balloned but I was barely able to notice my own "bump" at 20 weeks. Still in the same clothes. Most people I know have lost weight in the first part of pregnancy. 17 weeks is a really good time, the nauseas gone, you're not getting big, youre not swollen. It's the perfect time for a wedding.

I barely drank on my wedding day anyway, you can join the champagne toast still. You'll have a fantastic time.

Kofifi · 04/03/2024 10:14

Good luck with the wedding @Anothertiredteacher and wish you a happy healthy pregnancy!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/03/2024 10:15

What would be the problem? Whether you can wear the dress you would like to? If it’s a first baby, you will very likely hardly show at all by 17 weeks.

Or being unable to have a few drinks? Wanting to save the money for all the baby gear?

Dishwashersaurous · 04/03/2024 10:15

If you want pregnant absolutely even more reason to get married. And significantly easier to do it before the baby arrives.

If first child you should hopefully be absolutely fine at that point and only a small bump, if that

NeedToChangeName · 04/03/2024 10:16

I'm guessing you don't want to look pregnant in your wedding photos

But that's not a good reason to cancel, and I think it would be unfair on guests who have paid for accommodation

I'd also worry in case any subsequent wedding might look like - we split up, then found out I was pregnant and decided we had to stay together for sake of the child although we didn't want to be together

Scaffoldingisugly · 04/03/2024 10:16

Don't worry about having a visible bump. I bet the guests have guessed you aren't a virgin....

anon2022anon · 04/03/2024 10:16

People are crazy on here. It's really not too hard to see, that for LOTS of people, a wedding is not just a legal ceremony, it's a full on wedding. It can cost a lot of money, others can travel a long way, they might want a full day celebration of eating, drinking alcohol, dancing for hours, of looking absolutely amazing in a dress that costs a fortune and you've worked towards toning up/ losing weight so that you feel your best so you can look at pictures for the next 50 years and say I looked amazing.

Lots of other people might not be bothered about that, but the fact that the wedding industry is such a large money making business suggests that a large amount of weddings are!

And while some people might feel amazing at 17 weeks pregnant, others might be absolutely knackered and need an afternoon sleep every day, some might be tiny, but others might already look like their ready to give birth, some might be able to climb mountains, others might not be able to walk around Asda comfortably (sadly I was in the big and painful camp!).

So yes, you might want to go ahead, or you might want to change your plans to legal ceremony now and a party next year, or you might want to postpone til you can hopefully have the wedding you want. Any of these is okay. And ignore people being a bit of a berk about you being daft, you're entitled to spend the money on the wedding you want.

ArrrMeHearties · 04/03/2024 10:17

I postponed my wedding when I found out I was pregnant as I'd of been 7.5 months pregnant and there was no way I'd of fitted in my dress. Wedding is now rearranged for this year

Hecatoncheires · 04/03/2024 10:19

Good decision, OP. As someone suggested upthread, announce it at the wedding. Everyone will be thrilled for you! All the very best to you.

Sa11yCinnamon · 04/03/2024 10:21

Anothertiredteacher · 04/03/2024 10:10

Thanks all for your comments.

There were a couple of reasons for contemplating cancelling - I was worried about sickness/feeling crap and perhaps trivially, was worried I wasn’t going to have the day I’d planned for/envisioned.

Appreciate all the responses. Will get dress shopping for a bigger dress and plough on.

I'm 29 weeks now and 17 weeks was among the best I've felt - over the first trimester crapness and before starting to feel big and uncomfortable. I was also barely showing.

Obviously I've no idea what style your dream dress is, but you will still be able to wear something beautiful that isn't a sack.

It won't be the exact day you originally planned but it can still be really lovely, and you could have a big boozy party for your first anniversary (if you're into that kind of thing!) x

waterrat · 04/03/2024 10:22

could you change the day slightly? By 17 weeks you won't feel too bad. The worst for sickness is the first trimester.

Could you reign in the day and have a party a year later for your own celebrations?

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