To cancel the wedding?

[Anothertiredteacher]

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

Another here who thinks this is an additional reason to get married as planned, not a reason to cancel. A couple of my friends were visibly pregnant when they married and they both had full bridal gowns and religious wedding ceremonies. It wasn’t an issue at all. It was lovely.

Go ahead with your wedding and yes it is unfair to cancel when people have booked accommodation and possibly travel as well and if you do cancel you may not get these people to be able or want to come in the future when you have cancelled

Good for you. And congratulations. (From someone who got married less than a fortnight before her due date…)

You don't have to cancel, at 17 weeks your bump will probably be small. My sister got married 9 days before she gave birth

Plenty of people have children before and during wedding planning. Some people don't get married at all. Not sure what kind of taboo you're trying to avoid here.

Break that generational BS now. Have your beautiful healthy baby and enjoy your wedding and if anyone says anything disinvite them.

@Anothertiredteacher

You’ll be in second trimester - usually you feel superhuman and amazing then - past morning sickness, glowing skin and lustrous hair, adrenaline for nesting… I loved that bit.

3rd trim you might have a point as you start to get knackered, uncomfortable, pelvis problems, all that jazz…. Unless you develop a major health problem I don’t foresee any issue - yes you won’t be able to have alcohol, but that will often be the case when the baby is born so might as well get used to it!!

Congratulations on baby and wedding!!!

Yes, you can look lovely at the time!

DH did suggest we start trying for a baby shortly before the wedding but I said no as I wasn't sure how I'd feel physically - as it was both my pregnancies I felt pretty fine for most of them. As people have said, after 1st trimester you'll stop feeling any morning sickness (which isn't a given, I had nothing more than brief, mild feeling of nausea for a few weeks) and early pregnancy tiredness, which I had for first 4 weeks second time around and generally you'll be feeling very well at that point if anything.

Glad you're going ahead - mazel tov on baby and wedding!

I cannot understand why you'd want to cancel? Hopefully you'd feel quite good at that point in the pregnancy, if it goes well. And being kind, you are very early, and there is a long way to go. But assuming all fine, it's much better to protect yourself financially by being married, particularly if you take unpaid maternity leave or reduce your working hours.

At 17 weeks with a first baby you might not even be showing. I got married at 22 weeks and my (tiny) bump only came through the week before. You might feel a bit nauseous on the day but I don't think that's a good reason to cancel unless your morning sickness is more extreme than most.

You may not even be showing at 17 weeks if it's your first pregnancy. I wasn't showing properly until about 29 weeks.

I’m impressed someone cut it even finer than I did (two weeks before due date, though he was late, anyway)…

I've been to at least two weddings where it subsequently turned out the bride knew she was in the early stages of pregnancy. I really hope you won't feel too sick etc and of course that's a concern but you can't cancel a wedding in case you feel sick or you could never have a wedding. as illness of some kind is always a possibility in life. Crack on and have a lovely time! And double congrats!

Good luck with the wedding and 17 weeks is probably the time you’ll feel the best after the morning sickness has gone. And a lovely time to announce at your wedding! You can always plan a boozey holiday away post baby if that’s what you want or have your honeymoon when ever if you can’t do what you planned, if it was climbing Everest for example.

Unless you are having twins it's highly unlikely you will have a bump at 17 weeks.
If memory serves, the baby will lie quite low in your pelvis and be fully protected by it until about 20 week. At that point the baby's size will mean it outgrows the space available and you start to see a hint of a bump.

Based in my experience, what you will find is that your waist will become thicker. Your shape will be more akin to that of a main with waist definition slowly disappearing. So high waisted trousers and very fitted dresses will mean you will go up one or two dress sizes.

So if you are off to buy an alternative dress I'd consider something less fitted/body con if that's your usual style.

Hope you have a wonderful day !

Aww congratulations. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.

Appreciate all the responses. Will get dress shopping for a bigger dress and plough on.

When you say bigger dress, I wouldn’t really plan on a baby bump as that’s pretty unlikely at 17 weeks with your first. Most people I know, self included, didn’t start to show that early until the third pregnancy, and that included someone who had the figure of a toothpick and was having twins. Just plan that your waist area may thicken up a bit at this point, that will be the only issue so don’t get a dress really well fitted to the waist area.

The only real difference is that you won’t be able to get drunk. You can enjoy a glass of fizz though and no one likes a sloppy drunk bride so you’re not losing out on anything.

A pregnancy bump also doesn’t change anything (and you might not have one. I never looked pregnant; right up to giving birth; I didn’t look pregnant). You’ll look happy and beautiful, and it will be a lovely moment to have together before you become parents.

How adorable. A double special memory of the day. I think it's really special being pregnant on your wedding day.

I would get married - there will never be a 'perfect' time and you will have even less time once the baby is here. Congratulations

The nausea, sickness and early stage tiredness has usually worn off by the stage you'll be at. You won't be huge; probably not showing at all.

You'll possibly regret it if you don't do it now because when you have a child or children it takes far longer to get round to things; there are always lots of calls on your time and money.

All that said, don't "plough in" just because MN has told you to!

My aunt fell in labour 3 hours after she said i do.
She had a lovely little boy on her wedding day arrived a week early.
She told everyone to stay and have a good time at the party.
We had a surprise wedding party 3 months later for her and her husband.
Shes the sweetest person ever.

Crack on and get married. You wont have time or money once baby arrives! You will have an amazing day no matter what, and u likely to have sickness still at that stage of pregnancy unless you have HG which is fairly rare.

Don’t cancel, you won’t be huge by then, you may not even show (I was 16 1/2 weeks and still wasn’t showing with my second). Better to marry before baby arrives than to try to factor it in later with a child in tow. I hope you enjoy yourself and good luck!

Congratulations OP! 💍

Generally the nausea that you get in the early weeks should have gone by week 12 and it’s more likely you’ll be feeling really well by 17 weeks. Also, your bump is unlikely to be noticeable unless you’re expecting twins?

You can wear most dress styles but maybe avoid any that are very fitted on the waist.

go ahead with the reg office wedding because the legals need to be done, and once the baby arrives arrange a big party and invite everyone to celebrate both events (for when baby is about 6-9 months).