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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cancel the wedding?

242 replies

Anothertiredteacher · 04/03/2024 06:35

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

OP posts:
AlmostCutMyHairToday · 04/03/2024 16:01

See how you feel in another week or two. If you still don't have terrible sickness then you'll likely feel pretty ok at 17 weeks. If you had HG, or really bad all-day sickness then totally understand why you'd want to cancel! I had HG from around 4 weeks, started lifting around 17 weeks and felt normal-ish around 21 weeks. I would NOT have wanted to get married in the midst of that, for SURE.

Wetblanket78 · 04/03/2024 16:27

jolies1 · 04/03/2024 10:13

I know every pregnancy is different but for me weeks 14-28 were the best of my pregnancy, I looked and felt great and wasn’t showing massively at 17 weeks (I had a little belly but it was easily concealed, I didn’t announce my pregnancy to the wider team at my work except my manager until 22 weeks and no one had guessed).

Me too I had so much energy I never suffered with sickness though. The only thing I struggled with was the heat over summer.

BrendaSmall · 04/03/2024 16:32

Daughter 16 weeks when she gets married next month, not tried her dress on yet since buying it last October 🤦🏻‍♀️

Springtime43 · 04/03/2024 16:41

BrendaSmall · 04/03/2024 16:32

Daughter 16 weeks when she gets married next month, not tried her dress on yet since buying it last October 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh dear ........ !!!

AliasGrape · 04/03/2024 16:54

I was pregnant when we got married - about 8 or 9 weeks so not as far along. It was absolutely fine.

To be fair I’d sort of known that was a possibility - we’d been ttc for years and I was starting fertility drugs by the time we got engaged, but then the wedding was kind of meant to be a nice distraction as I’d more or less given up hope.

I actually really liked getting married knowing I was pregnant and that we were (hopefully) starting a family as well as a marriage. And DD loves looking at our wedding picture now and saying that she was in my tummy.

I was so anxious about losing the pregnancy and I did have some scares in the run up to the wedding and after, and I wouldn’t probably have chosen to have that hanging over me in the period around it. But on the day I just managed to block it out entirely, I (well we) had the most amazing day.

I didn’t miss drinking at all - I’m not even sure I would have wanted to even if I could have. I did feel a bit pissed off on my hen do that I couldn’t have a drink but that was because it was planned as a boozy thing before I knew I was pregnant - if I’d had chance to alter the plans to something less cocktail focused I would have done!

If I’m 100% honest I probably do look a bit more tired and bloated than I’d have liked in my wedding pictures - but everyone else swears I’m imagining that! You can also see the bruises on my hands from various blood tests because it’s nigh on impossible to get blood out of me so they butchered me a bit. Honestly though it doesn’t even matter - I can’t say I look at the pictures and think I look amazing but I look so bloody happy and they remind me of what an absolutely joy filled day it was.

Another positive thing is that there was no hint of feeling deflated or sad it was all over after the wedding - it was actually nice to be able to focus on the pregnancy and look forward to baby arriving.

Congratulations OP on both counts!

FraterculaArctica · 04/03/2024 17:02

I got married when 17 weeks pregnant with DC1.
Only things I did differently:
Minor adjustment to dress (replaced button back with lace up to be more adjustable)
We got a NIPT done so we could be sure the baby was low risk for trisomies earlier - if he had been affected, I wanted to know further in advance of the wedding.
I don't drink anyway so this wasn't an issue.

I can guarantee "the day not being as you planned" will be 1000x the case if you end up doing it once you have one or more DC!

Congratulations!!

bows101 · 04/03/2024 17:07

I get that this changes the dynamic which you probably envisioned for your big day but I don't think you need to cancel it. 17 weeks is not that far along and you should be able to enjoy your day, should be past the sickness and tiredness, albeit no drinking etc.
Cancelling it would ring alarm bells if I were your friends/family. I'd think it was called off and a split was pending!

dorriss · 04/03/2024 18:04

in 1950

Jk8 · 04/03/2024 18:13

Unless theres a backstory of this being a terrible relationship & 10 years from now you're planning on doing a whole 'I knew he was toxic & finding out I was pregnant I wanted to cancel the wedding but everyone told me not too'

It makes no sense to cancel & cost everybody bevause you'll be 17 weeks (is that even a milestone ?)

Also theres no reason to not tell people your pregnant right now either as even if it doesn't last (& you might be more desperate to cancel the wedding) they'll be more aware of your mood & feels over a miscarriage if they're aware your pregnant....?

strawberryshortcakescat · 05/03/2024 13:05

Get married anyway.
I was twelve weeks pregnant when we got married. It was lovely, wouldn't have dreamt of cancelling it.

Dinkydo12 · 05/03/2024 13:06

Getting married anyway just find a different dress or have it altered don't get why you wouldn't get wed because your pregnant seems like a good reason to get married.

RoseWrites · 05/03/2024 13:07

I was 30 weeks pregnant and the size or a small car when I got married and had the BEST day. My daughter loves to know she was there in my tummy. I'd go for it. Congratulations on both fronts x

PeacefulLiving1967 · 05/03/2024 13:09

I am confused as to why you would cancel. It will be a lovely story to tell your son or daughter or twins. Whatever you are carrying.
You have choices of telling people nearer the time, it is a baby shower as well or just go up a size or 2 in your dress and keep it quiet.
Tho personally I would tell them as 1( you may show and 2) you won't be drinking.
What better time to have family around you.
Congratulations and here is to your new chapter.

MissRabbitIsABoss · 05/03/2024 13:13

What reason is there to cancel? Are u feeling unwell or worried about the wedding stress effecting your pregnancy? Getting married at 17 weeks is perf3ctly doable unless there are other concerns?

LouHey · 05/03/2024 13:38

You probably won't be that much bigger at 17 weeks than you are now (with your first). Wedding dresses can be let out, so the dress you have just now may even fit (or be let out a little to fit).

EmeraldA129 · 05/03/2024 13:46

You’re not being unreasonable re your relatives booking accommodation… but I can’t figure out why you would cancel?

At 16 weeks nobody would have been able to tell I was pregnant so your dress may still be ok.

the only difference to the day you envisioned surely is that you can’t get drunk?

go for it op, you might not get round to it later.

BeWarmPombear · 05/03/2024 14:02

Firstly congratulations!! It does not matter what people think even if you were to have baby and get married people will talk. If things the right person for you and was hoingbto get married then get married. You will look beautiful still. People will talk dear but dong mind them. Believe me have this wedding out of the way at least it is a registry one if it was going to be big maybe had to consider cost. Have your wedding and have baby. Why do you feel need to cancel.

Skinnyunderneath · 05/03/2024 15:20

No need to cancel, it would be a double celebration! (Unless on medical advice?). A wedding with a baby in tow would be far less enjoyable/harder i think. I got married at 5 months pregnant after debating whether to wait till after baby was born or not, it was the right decision, we had a fabulous day, ceilidh and all, and a wonderful honeymoon before the realities of parenthood kicked in!

NannaKaren · 05/03/2024 17:54

Awww be a shame to cancel and congrats on the baby news x

Danielle9891 · 05/03/2024 18:16

You might not be showing much. When I was 17 weeks with my first I had a small bump at 17 weeks, it could have been passed off as me being bloated. My boobs were bigger though but I felt great at 17 weeks.

Janay55 · 05/03/2024 18:22

You’re not going to be able to hide the fact that you were pregnant after the event so why are you so concerned now? It’s a registry wedding so not a big white church wedding which might to some seem hypocritical if they knew you were with child. People have already booked accommodation. I do not understand your thinking process. If you are making finances the issue then how will it be any different after you’ve had the baby? If you put it off now it may never happen at all.

Thalia31 · 05/03/2024 18:28

Anothertiredteacher · 04/03/2024 06:35

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

Makes no sense for you to cancel your wedding. Scale down maybe but definitely not cancel!!

Judecb · 05/03/2024 18:40

If you don't want to go through with a marriage ceremony when nearly half way pregnant, then don't!! People will get their money back if you let them know now. Pregnancy and weddings aren't always compatible. (Sometimes they are) but you must do what YOU want to do!!

Buffs · 05/03/2024 18:52

I got married when I was 18 weeks pregnant. It was great.

PeachyPeachTrees · 05/03/2024 19:34

Congratulations!
Buy a bigger dress and enjoy your wedding day. It's easier to be pregnant on your wedding day than do it later when you have a baby/toddler to deal with.