To cancel the wedding?

[Anothertiredteacher]

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

I agree with everyone else.

Being pregnant is a ludicrous "reason" to cancel. Getting married is about commitment not Instagram photos.

Unless you are financially independent and earn more than your intended you would be unwise not to get married.

Ops .. sorry .. you will still be quite small to carry off a wedding dress. Enjoy the day. Congratulations!!!

Definitely don’t cancel. Being pregnant is even more reason to get married now and there will always be a reason not to get round to it after the baby arrives. Saying this not at all because of tradition - we’ve all seen female friends and family get fucked over through not having the protections of marriage. Be sensible!

Massively unreasonable and a bit strange. Also if you aren't going to tell people they will all be thinking there is something wrong with your relationship and then the pregnancy reveal will be some what tainted - especially as being pregnant is no reason to cancel. If the reason is because you wanted a big piss up then I suggest you reexamine your priorities.

Also a wedding with a baby won't be any easier and post pregnancy bodies are not the same of it's about a certain dress. You'll end up kicking the ceremony far into the future when you can afford it (kids are expensive) and when you have the time and energy.

Do it now if you want to commit to your partner and sacrifice the dream dress and alcohol!

If you are having morning sickness or perhaps from a conservative background where it may be sensitive to be pregnant before marriage I would have the registry office affair as mentioned by previous posters and a traditional wedding after the birth.
I could not have got married at 17 weeks because I was puking several times a day!

Please do NOT cancel!

100% get married as planned in June! It will be perfect. You won’t even have a bump, you will be past the morning sickness, and you will have the 2nd trimester extra energy!

Protect yourself and your child. If you plan to stay with the man anyways, get married!

If you are from a conservative background it would be better be married while pregnant (especially before it’s too noticeable), than to have a baby “out of wedlock” and get married afterwards.

Why would you want to cancel?
I was pregnant on my wedding day although only 7 weeks.
My daughter loves looking at wedding pictures, pointing to my stomach and saying look mummy I was there too!

I see absolutely no reason whatsoever to cancel.

I was 24 weeks pregnant with our first.
Standing front-on the photos didn’t even look pregnant! I would 100% get married as planned.
Dress was fine, I no longer cared about the dress tbh. I don’t drink anyways (and this would be a silly reason to cancel).

17 weeks sounds like the perfect sweet spot to get married. Before 12 might be annoying due to sickness, and after 24 weeks you might feel exhausted, but at 17 weeks all chances are you will feel great.

Why would you cancel?
I personally wouldn't have a child without being married so I'd do the opposite

Defwouldnt recommend cancelling! I wish you had provided your thought process - I can't think of one single reason why it would be a good idea. You will cause upset, cause people financial issues and end up in a more precarious position as a mother - really strange thing to do!

Can you explain your reasoning behind cancelling @Anothertiredteacher?

Two lovely things to celebrate - why wouldn’t you go ahead with it? What an exciting year for you 😊

DP and I were due to be married in a very small wedding and have our first child in 2020 - just as the lockdowns started. We cancelled the wedding and just got on with being parents.
In hindsight we should have just gone ahead with our wedding with no guests 😂 I’m really not sure why we cancelled. I guess we were just thrown by the lockdowns etc. We’re now only just getting round to getting married this year 🙈 4 years later. Even smaller wedding than the original one so not quite sure why it’s taken us this long to get round to it to be honest. The last few years just seem to have flown past!

Being pregnant means it’s all the more important you get married.

Do not cancel your wedding! At 17 weeks you'll probably be over morning sickness, lots of energy with no noticeable bump and great boobs! 😀

I purposefully got married when I was 20 weeks pregnant and I'm so glad I did.

We had originally planned a much larger event for the year after but rearranged and scaled the whole thing back to 16 people when when we found out I was expecting because I didn't want to feel under pressure to lose baby weight or trying to plan a wedding with a toddler in tow.

It was a perfect day and I love that our new family member was there with us too ❤️ made everything all the more special.

Also - terrible to say it but after you've had kids a wedding doesn't quite feel as important to you (and others) and there will always be a reason to put it off. This is YOUR day.

Why are you cancelling?

Hi OP you didn't say why you want to cancel but it sounds like for whatever reason it isn't going to be the wedding day you expected. And that's valid.

I think you need to weigh up how big the inconvenience is to you vs the pressure of cancelling without giving a reason. I imagine the speculation of why you cancelled will cause you stress. Also if you postpone you would then have to then plan another wedding with a young baby which also doesn't sound very fun.

You've just found out your pregnant which for me I found a very emotionally overwhelming experience. My advice would be to not make any big decisions right now and see how you feel about it in a couple of weeks.

It's totally up to you, but as others have said I don't understand why you would want to cancel? It's not clear from your OP. Most likely you will be completely fine at 17 weeks, and it's unlikely to show either of that's what you are worried about.

I agree with pretty much everyone else. No reason to cancel, and even more important to get married, especially if motherhood will make you financially vulnerable.

Plenty of women are pregnant when they get married - I was one of them!

What does you being pregnant have to do with the wedding? It won't stop you from getting married?! Wtf?

Even more important to get married. Can you bring the wedding forward a month or six weeks? People should be able to tweek the date of accommodation without losing out.

I would change the date to one that gives you options of what to wear and I would tell your guests why.

People who love you will be elated!

Congratuolations.
Save the champers for the baptism.

Another who has zero idea how being 17 weeks pregnant translates to having to cancel? The only explanation I can come up with is it’s not your partners, you need to tell him, and he will likely leave you and wedding is off! If it is your partners baby, then I’m completely lost?

We are in exactly the same position in our family right now. The wedding is going ahead, not least because we have paid significant deposits on everything already.

As others have said, why would you cancel it. Now more than any other time you need the protection that marriage brings and it will be a wonderful thing to celebrate before you settle down for the rest of your lives as a family.

Lolllll. Mumsnet as a whole is (rightly) obsessed with women being married before having a child. And you are literally months away from being married, are pregnant, and are thinking of cancelling it. This is brilliant. Sitting back with popcorn.