To cancel the wedding?

[Anothertiredteacher]

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

I would get married. Any friends of mine who had their children 1st then got married only got married years and years later. Understandably life gets very busy with little kids and it sucked up all their money as well. My relatives eldest child was 18 by the time they finally got around to it.

Beyond that, I have read enough eye opening stories on here over the last few years to make me very glad I was married before babies. Not that it is set to doom the other way at all! I have plenty of friends/ family who had kids first then marriage.

If you are worried about being sick, I am 17 weeks now. I was horrendous the 1st trimester but feeling a lot better the last 2 ish weeks. I think that's a fairly common turning point for a lot of women.

My point, get married now if you want to be married or potentially never get married or wait a long time to have the chance again

We went to a wedding a few years ago - during the speeches, the groom shared the beautiful news they were expecting. Huge cheers from the guests and it was just a lovely way to share their news and still makes me smile now 😀

If you do cancel and people are let down or out of pocket because of accommodation costs, etc. then they may not come to your next wedding!

I got married at a similar stage of pregnancy. Wasn't remotely a problem.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. What wonderful news 👶

And don't cancel, get married! By all means make it a dry wedding or something if you'll feel bummed people drinking and you have to be sober, or tone down the party aspect if you're going to be feeling all pregnant and tired and not in a party mood. You can have a massive 1st wedding anniversary / christening party or something to make up for the party element of it.

Not totally the same but when we got married we had the wedding format mostly to please our parents. Very formal white wedding. When our kids came along we had very raucous christening parties both times, really laid back, swing band, cocktails on tap - the kind of wedding we'd have wanted to have. I have other mates who had more low key pregnant weddings and then did the big party thing after. It's all fine x

That's brought a tear to my eye 😍

However decent you think your fella is there are plenty of threads on here of unmarried partners getting screwed. Definitely proceed with wedding for your own protection first and foremost. If you’re worried about not fitting in dress/ not the sort of day you had in mind / money these really are sceonday to being protected by marriage

This thread is hilarious - every single poster saying don't cancel the wedding and the OP hasn't been back to explain why she is thinking of cancelling it.

Adding another voice to the chorus - based on the info you've given you would be absolutely bonkers to consider cancelling it. By all means scale down anything you are able to at this point to save money for the baby and maternity leave period, but don't cancel the wedding.

i guess people who have booked can hopefully get a refund but it doesnt seem a problem to me to get married at that stage of your pregnancy.

you can make the whole day an alcohol free day!

100% get married, you leave yourself very vulnerable otherwise. You can always have a bigger reception on a later date, perhaps your first anniversary! But being pregnant is more of a reason to get married, your husband will be considered your next of kin during the birth and in any medical emergency too. Xx Please don't cancel (unless of course you have reservations about the relationship and plan to seperate).

Congratulations OP xx

All the more reason to have the protection of marriage now you’re pregnant.

Unless you are planning to recompense everyone who has paid for accommodation, then yes, cancelling for this reason would be outrageously unreasonable.

Why would you consider cancelling the wedding, being pregnant is the best time to get married. If you don't do it now you never will and may regret it. I'd also be quite cross if I was a guest. Congratulations on your baby x

Cancelling your wedding because you found out you are pregnant is a very strange reaction. How odd.

What they said 👆

Surely even more reason to get married now?! Thank god the wedding is booked etc?! Better protected, financially and legally. Literally can't think why you'd cancel?!

The world doesn't stop when someone is pregnant

It really is. It's almost like OP deliberately left out the very crucial info which is WHY they want to cancel the wedding.

Some of these replies are bitchy?

Asking if it's because she can't drink or doesn't want to look pregnant at the wedding is more telling of the asker's than the OP.

I'm with you OP, I would want to cancel. It's an unexpected cost, you have no idea how you'll be feeling by then, you may be unwell or exhausted and get to enjoy the wedding build up and the day itself, if anything happened to the pregnancy the photos from the day would be really painful to look at...

That said, you may want to cancel but that doesn't mean you should. If you can afford both, try and do it. Wanting to cancel is understandable but don't put things on hold.

I’m confused like everyone else why you want to cancel?

Surely it's more important than ever that you go ahead? Presuming you love your partner and want to be married, with a child in the picture you really need the legal protection that marriage brings.

The only reason I can think of is if you want to drink champagne but it sounds like a small intimate wedding anyway.

I'd say all the more reason to get married!

People are asking cos it's extremely odd to be like 'I'm getting married! Oh, I'm pregnant, I should cancel' without stating why. It implies that it's a perfectly normal, reasonable thing to cancel, so of course there's no need to say why. People are a bit confused by the non-sequitur. It's a bit like if someone came on and said 'I was planning to make lasagna for lunch, but then I found a hole in my jumper! AIBU to make pizza instead?'

i guess the op feels embarrassed to be showing?