Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

You are jealous

🙄

Why would the OP's husband need to placate her?

I’d be annoyed too. Why does she just invite the men? Why not their partners? Sounds a bit off to me… how would she feel if you invited her fella over and not her and cooked for him and entertained til’ 4am. To me it seems he would rather spend time with her and them than you.. sorry but he sounds like a douchebag

I was thinking something along these lines too ( though not that DH is a douche bag: I think he’s probably genuinely trying to downs time with his mates and ol chimichanga has superimposed herself on the whole scene, given her social disability/ dislike of spending time with women.)

But the litmus test of how cool she really is about it all is as this poster suggests: get in quick OP and set up a rival chimichanga salon ( though I’d keep it simple and get in pizza or curry. No need to flaunt your chimichangas ). Ask finance and his mates round to yours and she can sit at home alone with her chimichangas wondering where the hell her fiancé is at 4 am.

Post us with the fallout.👍If she’s not happy then you’ve got your answer about how reasonable it is. Alternatively, she may just be chill and catch up with her girlfriends for a great night … oh wait … she doesn’t have any …🤔🤨 Maybe that’s why we’re feeling she might be a bit weird? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Rosindub because he knows she's unhappy with it, so he says but I don't really like going ...... but goes three times.

And no doubt will go again.

It’s bothering OP that she had to sit home not part of the fun. I think she understood that when it was just the guys she didn’t qualify; but now she’s thinking why should the other female partners be left holding the baby ( rather than clasping a chimichanga)? I’m not sure what’s so unfathomable about not liking to be left out.

She actively encourages her fiancé to keep up with his mates and makes a friendly welcoming atmosphere they all enjoy.

She does the cooking and enjoys it.

That's a talent and a skill I'd love to have.

She sounds great.

You sound jealous.

On a separate note - he needs telling about respect and consideration. How would he feel if you had gone out til 4am with no news or reassurance??

What's his reaction to being out until 4am? How did he get there? How did he get home? Why is a woman now involved with the 10 male friends? Why didn't you attend if partners are now invited on a semi-regular basis to dinner? Do you trust him? But I suspect 10 competitive males and 1 female (!!!!) nothing happened. But why do you and partner socialise separately?

Why can't couples sometimes socialise separately? DH and I socialise together and separately. It's lovely doing things as a couple but we are also two individuals who are not joined at the hip. I wouldn't want DH there every single time I met a friend.

Neither would I. I would consider it offensively controlling.

Why didn't you attend if partners are now invited on a semi-regular basis to dinner?

Partners aren't invited?

But why do you and partner socialise separately?

Because, contrary to what some on here seem to think, they are separate people and can have separate friends and see them separately

@JFDIYOLO she doesn't really sound great if she's criticising other women to a group of men

Completely unlike op and posters on here criticising this woman....

I did say upthread that I couldn't see anything wrong with it...until I read her views on women!

How awful are you. I often cook for my husband and his mates. I'm not with them all night. I simply cook serve then dissappear for some me time upstairs. I absolutely love the fact they all get together actually talk and support eachother, play cards have a social drink. Would you prefer him to be out on the town with his mates girls draped off him in seedy night clubs???
You need to sort your jealousy out as it's toxic. You simply don't like the fact she does this and you dont!

In fairness to OP I didn’t get the impression she minded the separate socialising at all. It seems to have been an established thing for the men to get together and she was quite happy. What has changed is that now one woman has taken the reins and joined as she doesn’t like women and the shape of the evening has now altered to run into the small hours which leaves OP at home hoping things are ok and also impacts the next day for OP and family time. ( I don’t think anyone seriously imagines a gang bang type dynamic; it was just people having fun with this one woman and her chimichangas). If partners are part of it they should all be invited. If not, then why is chimichanga sculpting the event around her ?!

In other words, it’s not OP who didn’t get the brief about it being boys night: it’s chimichanga who has latched on to the mens only event and derailed it into a student style all nighter.

In other words, it’s not OP who didn’t get the brief about it being boys night: it’s chimichanga who has latched on to the mens only event and derailed it into a student style all nighter.

And they've all turned up for the third time.... they just hate it!

Maybe her husband has been unfaithful so she encourages him to socialize at home and makes it very easy and comfortable for him to do so and feeds his friends so they are happy to go along with this

The power this woman has!! Snaring all these poor devoted menfolk! All they want to do is have menz only pizza and she keeps turning up to her own home!! Hussy!

I doubt they hate it. But this post is about the fact OP - and probably the other female partners - hates it.

She sounds like Morgan Le Fay bewitching the Knights of the Round Table. Only instead of magic potions, this woman is flapping chimichangas in their faces.

I want deep fried burritos now