Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

I'm sure from all the plentiful times op and the other partners have hosted Ms Chimichanga she'll have some idea how to behave well enough to be accepted by them!

Couldn’t she just whip out her chimichangas for everyone? Why multiple courses?

Oops Freudian slip gif…

Couldn’t she just whip out her chimichangas for everyone? Why multiple courses?

See above point. Different dynamic if it's a group of friends doing their own thing vs a dinner party thing you have to participate in all evening/night. And way more people.

I don't see why this question needs to be asked though? It's not a sex party from my understanding, she's just offered to make food...? Can't one of the other partners host something?

I find this whole post weird , if we are invited somewhere we assume it’s for both ? Do couples really just invite one member of the couple ? Why couldn’t it’ll you go ?

She may not even be in the ‘party’ except when serving up food or telling them to come and get it. Possibly in the kitchen while cooking for them and in her bedroom staying out of the way while the guys do their own thing. I doubt anything is going on as the fiancé is there 🤷‍♀️ May be the last time it goes on until the early hours when they all wake up realising that was much too late.

She sounds just like a nice person tbh. We’ve had dinner parties where the men especially have stayed til 4am but the boring wives went home then started ringing the husbands yo “come home immediately “ like we live in the 19th century !!! Obviously this wasn’t a couples dinner but he probably was just having a great time drinking and having good chats.

I personally wouldn't find it odd. I've met up with a group for food and drinks and ended up losing track of time with music playing & drinking.

She's an attention seeker/histrionic - That's what's annoying you. It annoys me, too.

Unfortunately, you are sounding a but petulant and controlling. Hubby is an adult with a right to have fun. Just leave it.

Although, I am confused why you do not go with him? Do the other partners go? I find it strange that partners are not invited, but then that supports my claim of her being histrionic.

Are people with children with ASD not allowed to have dinner parties? Or is it that they're not allowed to eat Mexican food? I'm confused as to why this is relevant

Took me a moment - I think you mean Fiancée as in female?

I suspect she didn't realize quite how long chimichangas would take for eleven hungry people nor that one isn't very filling per person. And they probably stayed up chatting/playing cards etc afterwards. We used to only break up those sorts of parties at about six am.

Very strange - who are these women whose partners invite all their friends, cook for all their friends and then hide themselves away?
It doesn't happen.
And even if it does, the devil is in the details of the positioning. Fiancée calling all the men friends over to do this UNLESS it's a surprise event for her partner is weird.
Man calls friends over, fiancée decides to cook, hangs about for a bit and then leaves them to it- far more understandable.
If SHE's inviting them, and it's not for a surprise boy's night for her partner, then calling the other partners is the right thing to do.
The same goes for a mixed friendship circle, before you come at me.
If you as partner are inviting your partner's friends and not THEIR partners for a meal, then it is peculiar. If it's a sans partner gathering, then the invitation has to come from the person whose friends they are. Else I'm getting a strong "I'm the little woman, let me feed you all, you big strong men" vibe. I've known people like that. I detest this habit.

A looooot of these responses have had a bit of a dig at the OP which I think is unfair. I think OP knows that there's some insecurities around the younger female which has led to her posting for reassurance.

I think the truth is, said partner made dinner and probably left the boys to it. However much she might be trying to make an impression, it's incredibly generous to host and cook for your partner's friends but I don't think that means an extended invite to join in the bants for the night. I'd put my money on she went off to do her own thing and the boys got chatting / drinking and lost track of them. Your husband will probably wake up and say, oh wow that was a late one had such a brilliant night and then retell many (probably not so funny) stories from the night. If he senses you feel awkward about it's, it's sort of ruining the experience for him. Let him have his fun and next time he's out arrange something yourself too so you have your own fun xx

Been there. Done it. It’s dodgy. 4am is ridiculous.

Funnily enough, some women actually prefer the company of men (and after reading many MN posts I can well understand why!). In my youth I used to watch rugby and we would alll go to the clubrooms after the games - I was always seated at a table with the guys, while the women were at another table. I am the last person anyone would accuse of being a femme fatale, or even a flirt, I just preferred the conversation of the men.

There is nothing "weird" at all that I can see. A group of men like to catch up and the partner of one of them, who actually lives in the house, is happy to cook for them, and spend time with them. So what?

It's clearly an Eyes Wide Shut situation and they're all having a massive b1tchfest about you OP

God, I hope none of my DHs partners thought I was “desperate” because I’d cater for them when they all came round 😳😳😳or thought we were having a gang bang or something 😂
Good grief, there’s some insecure people on this thread.
I’d probably have taken him to task if my husband was that late, and I wasn’t aware that he was going to be and I had no update (no excuse in the day of mobile phones not to send a quick text) but I’d have just asked him to let me know next time as I was worried.

@BillyNotQuiteNoMates you hussy! Are you performance cooking as well when you do this?? 🫣

Not true OP.

Thats just mean. 🙄

My friend has his friends over from time to time and I vanish! I certainly do not host! They’re having a lads night, I stay in my bedroom enjoying some me time. They usually only stay til midnight. However one of his friends wives hovers the whole night when he goes to theirs. I find that strange. It’s a lads night, let them drink beer and talk twaddle!
however, yes I would be a bit miffed with him coming home so late. If it’s just a one off though just brush it off and forget it. If it happens again I’d be asking why he’s out so late.

Everyone on this kind of thread jumping automatically to drugs like it's the only possible way to stay awake that long. I've been to many a dinner party (in my late 30s) that has rolled into 3, 4 or 5am and absolutely no drugs of any kind have been involved. Good conversation, card games, drinks. Time flies when you're having fun.

All this talk of the fiancee being desperate for attention/to be liked etc... I still don't understand why that would be a reason to be a annoyed that OPs husband had a nice night with his friends. The only issue there could (should) maybe be is that he could have let her know he was still alive and hadn't fallen in a ditch on his way home. The woman and her reasoning are not important when there was a whole group of friends there.

@JudyLemon it really doesn't show that you don't like the fiancée 🙄

HRTFT but this reminds of that film - 'how to lose a guy in 10 days' (I think it was)? He has all his mates round for a poker evening then she arrives and is all jolly and sociable and completely ruins the dynamic.......

Making chimichangas.. apparently 🤣