Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

Thank you for the replies so far, maybe I do need to get over it. Kids are older so not really an issue there. No she doesn't invite partners ever. I don't think they had a gang bang lol, drugs I obviously wouldn't approve of and seems unlikely. I wouldn't mind if his friend was the host and it was his idea but the impression I'm given is that it's all her. I meet with my friends of an evening sometimes and usually by 11 we're all abit tired and ready for home and bed. I guess I just don't understand how grown adults with responsibilities are just at someone's house until 4am.

Report them to the fun police

I agree, the fiance inviting his friends over and cooking is weird and liable to annoy lots of partners.
Either the men all get together off the own initiative and cook themselves/get take away, or as a couple they invite everyone including partners, or she invites partners.

I have been part of, or on edges of, a few similar groups of OH friends for years and I have never heard of one of the wives/GF inviting the boys round.

However meeting up with friends getting drunk and staying out till 4am isn't odd and doesn't mean anything untoward went on.

I'm no stranger to post-dinner party coke but no, it's not necessary in order to stay up til 4am at all. Enlivening company, a bit of rum and a lot of dancing to good tunes can carry me through to very small hours with no need for Class As.

I think that the only thing that would make me uncomfortable would be that your husband endorsed the woman essentially acting as “staff” by doing all the cooking. Hopefully your husband’s mate also did some work hosting.

If all the blokes are mates and so many of them I can see why partners not invited, would be too many people for a house with partners there, and maybe they all wanted to see each other.

It is not clear in the OP that the fiancee lives in the same house - it is utterly annoying how some MNttters love to give wings to assumptions

Maybe she considers them her friends as well?

Once you've been in a relationship with someone for a while (which presumably as they're engaged they have) most of their friends become yours and vice versa, in my experience. There's barely anyone I consider DP's friend but not mine, or the other way round.

I guess you could invite them all to yours and do the same.

I host husbands male friends, but with wives and GFs to, its a bit weird to just invite the men around, what so they can boost her ego a bit.

It would look strange the other way round if the husband only invited all wives and hosted for them

Apologies for the confusion, my previous post was on the behalf of a close friend. We just wanted to get some outside opinions of the situation. My own children are early teens.

You must be knew here, blokes staying out late can only make it to the early hours by smoking weed, snorting coke or popping pills. It is simply impossible for them to make it through the night on boozer alone.

Could you then clarify if the fiancee lives there and if friend’s partners are invited?

It is weird to invite just the male friends over. Those above acting all breezy about it are fooling themselves.

I would invite the men and their partners over so you can all get to know each other. She’s probably very nice but maybe a bit shy of women..?

This seems like a good night out and definitely not one that would give me any cause for concern. She likes to cook, they like to get together, they presumably enjoy letting off steam in that setting, they're all safely in one place. This is the kind of 'big night out' I would encourage my husband to go to.

Why don't you like the fiancée? Putting myself in her shoes, I can't see myself doing all the cooking for my partner and just his male mates and then staying to hang around with them.. Especially from 5. Saying that, chimichangas aren't that complicated to make so did she prepare the food and then go out and leave them to it?

4 am occasionally sounds ok.

Ime most dinner parties break up before midnight but you do get the odd one where someone gets out a guitar/get a board game/starts reminiscing and it goes on.

I wouldn't be worried.

so odd. so very odd.

Is your “friend”. computer illiterate with no email address?

@bosstick No partners are never invited, they've been together about a year and this has happened multiple times. My husband hasn't gone everytime for various reasons. They do live together. I think I maybe am being a killjoy.

It would look strange the other way round if the husband only invited all wives and hosted for them

DP did this a couple of months ago and it wasn't strange at all. Well - not "all wives" as we actually know and socialise with quite a few single women, but it ended up being DP and a few of my friends, all of whom happened to be women; I'd also invited a gay friend but he was ill, and a straight male friend but he was travelling for work. And DP considers all those friends his friends as well, even though he met them through me.

I can't imagine why this would be strange though, unless your social circle consists exclusively of heterosexual couples, who only socialise in gender-segregated groups.)

I have a friend whose house a bunch of us ladies (about 7 of us) go to for wine/cocktails every couple of months. Her husband is Jamaican and makes a fabulous Jamaican curry. We initially tasted it at her 40th birthday gathering. As my friend knows the ladies love it so much, she gets her husband to cook it each time we attend. He is usually the only man there, but tends to just plate up the meal (and listen to us gush about how tasty it is for a short while) before disappearing off to another room to game on his console or he goes off out to see his own friends. So if I bare my own friendship groups experience in mind, then I'd say this woman cooking for her partners friends is likely just a nice gesture (as a kind deed on behalf of her partner).

And that works both ways usually....with the partners of the friends. I have never known a situation where one person's partner became part of the group and no-one else's.
Including OP
OP described the friendship group as all male.

I invite my female friends over .. I don’t invite thier partners, why would I ? Husband looks after food, and makes sure drinks are topped up. I’ll do the same when family are over.
I don’t get the life where people in a couple, have to always been invited everywhere as a couple. I love my husband, but I like a bit of time away.

DP did this a couple of months ago

@gannett and then you go on to describe a completely different scenario 😂

Oh yes the old chimichangas script, definitely drugs and an affair OP , or maybe the friend is pimping the fiancée out to his friends

Sorry if my previous post seems odd, I was just trying to help a friend.

And honestly no real reason for not liking her, I don't really know her, she seems nice enough. Just comes across overly keen to be liked. But that is my own issue.

I think it’s a weird that a woman only invites 10 men round but not the other women. YANBU to think so, don’t let people gas light you into thinking otherwise. If it was the man inviting his mates round (and she cooked if she’s that way inclined then did her own thing), totally different.

I would leave it this time, it might be a one off. See what happens next time.