Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

So what did he say OP?

Fwiw I don’t think it was anything more sinister than a bit of inconsiderate not keeping you in the loop on DH’s part .

As for what’s going on with the fiancé and her chimichangas, could be anything from innocent hosting for her DP to full on chimichanga-flapping desire.

Of course it’s weird that she wants to cook for her husband and his friends, minus their female partners. It smacks of desperation to be perceived as the cool wife. I think you probably feel uneasy about it because you are older, see it for what it is and yet feel worried that the men (including your husband) might think she’s amaaaazing. Without regard for the fact that you’re much busier than her as you have children and less of a naive people pleaser.

Good lord. I shall call my arsey feminist friend who is an excellent cook and loves it, takes any opportunity this. That she is desperate.

words fail me in terms of how silly that is.

Could your arsey feminist friend be a bit less arsey than this fiancé though and invite the partners : more to cook for, mores the fun?

The fiancé could just be keen to showcase her cooking/ feed people.

But it’s no point pretending there aren’t some women who love to surround themselves with men and no other women present, and there are a few red flags in this thread on that front. It’s sad really because actually the company of other women is one of life’s joys.

Anyway, stand by for OP’s update: I bet it’s the fiancé’s baps on the menu this Saturday!

Why would doubling the numbers by including female partners change the essential situation?

Cooking for women is ok if you’re a woman, but cooking for men isn’t, even it’s entirely voluntary and 100% at your own discretion?

The interpretations of this woman’s unknown motivation on this thread are really weird.

if i go around to my close friends for dinner, with my other three female friends (tight knit friendship group of 25 years from uni)… then i’d be a bit 🤔 with the husband faffing around with food, joining us (or not) and replenishing our drinks. It’s my girlfriends i want to be with.

I think so too. I’d not ask my DH to “wait” on us for a girl’s night - regardless of how impressive his burrito was .

It’s either girls’ night or couples’ night: not girls’ night with a mascot.

This is too muddled an interpretation to know where to start …

But it’s not an interpretation at all. That’s my point. We don’t know why this woman invites her boyfriend’s friends around for food.

Deciding on zero evidence that she’s a ‘cool wife’, or alternatively, a handmaid, or desperate to insert herself into an all-male friendship group is a bit mad, on no evidence.

Well I’m not sure about others but I HAVEN’T decided. I’ve said above her motivation could be anything. But op was querying whether she was reasonable to feel bothered by it all and so people are exploring that angle.

I read her annoyance as being primarily about him not getting in till 4 am, and, given that she says she and her friends never stay out past 11, suspicion about what was so much fun he stayed out.

girls’ night with a mascot.

more like “slave” in some posts!

Well something a bit “off” about the role anyway.

I guess it could be as simple as he makes so much mess cooking ( I’m relating) she’d rather do it then scoot upstairs for a bit of Netflix.

Just been reminded of this

Actually that was my first reaction, the thought of deep fried chimichangas with all that oil made me feel queasy (but I do have a dodgy stomach at present...)

But op was querying whether she was reasonable to feel bothered by it all and so people are exploring that angle.

Even if she is an attention seeking chimichanga flaunting cool wife, it's not reasonable to be bothered.

There are nearly a dozen men present, she's not getting off with all of them. And if she really is such a desperate floozy as some are portraying, the men aren't going to be attracted to her.

I'm the first person to call out inappropriate friendships where they exist, but there's literally nothing wrong with this situation- like at all. U less your husband is Anthony Joshua, she's probably not up for a shag from him. She just wants to show off her cooking.

Yes and no. You'd think your husbands male friend would be the one to be inviting the lads round and his fiance would make her own plans for the night, maybe it was him that invited them and fiance is just cooking for them? At the same time it doesn't seem such a big deal.
I wouldn't be grumpy with him I'd just say in a lighthearted way , did you have fun then as you were back at 4am :) see what he says.

Of course cooking street food for a few people to eat whilst they watch a movie/play cards etc means you also want to cook a massive dinner party of multiple courses ....

They are definitely the same

I haven't had a chimichanga for ages. Bloody lovely they are.

Was that a double entendre?

Of course, and remember the best way for this woman to be accepted by the men's wonderful partners is to take on a more servile role (as defined she is doing on here) and cook for twice as many people!

If she invited the men's partners they would probably return the favour so not servile. The men are unlikely to do that. She will always be cooking and looking after them while they put their feet up.

She better make sure she has her pinny on and hair perfectly done from her rollers

She probably sits on his knee all prim and proper whilst they talk as well

She can show all the other partners how to be a good little wifey

There's a difference between making a casual meal for 11 people (all friends) while they chat and have a drink...

...and hosting 22 people for a dinner with multiple courses, though.

Even if the numbers are cut and only half the couples attend, it's a different vibe. Maybe she likes making the food, but not being forced to entertain and the pressure of cooking a sit-down meal.

A large gathering is something that's better to do eating out. Anyone is capable of suggesting that: not just this woman.

I would never want to host a dinner party for so many people. However, I wouldn't mind cooking a larger dinner to accommodate partner's friends and get to do my own stuff in the meantime.