To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

No you didn't. She's being weird.

Unless there's a huge backstory, your SIL is batshit and should be grateful you're looking after her child so well

What?! Your SIL trusts you to baby sit her child every week; you’re a mum yourself and she thinks you’ve crossed a line?
unless there’s a huge backstory this is very off from your SIL

No, you did a very sensible thing and your SIL needs to re-think her stance and in Mumsnet terms, give her head a wobble!

oh well, she'll have to find someone else to babysit then.

Yanbu op, she sounds a bit nuts. Assume you are allowed to change her childs nappy / help with toiletting?

I would have been quite grateful you'd taken the time to do this tbh, esp as you had two to bathe! I wouldn't be babysitting again for her

When babysitting nieces and nephews I’ve bathed them on the odd occasion they needed it. As well as changing nappies etc.

It wouldn’t bother me but it obviously bothers SIL, just apologise for overstepping and say it won’t happen again.
She entitled to her views and feelings about this, regardless of how we may think it’s not a big deal.

Wtf you have her child for free most weeks and she's pissed off you took the initiative to bathe her when necessary? Talk about cutting your nose of to spite your face silly women. Honestly in this situation you probably couldn't win she would have been just as annoyed if you had left her covered in flour.

I'd reply 'so you'd rather of me left her covered in flour and icing? Ok then, I think it's best if you find alternative childcare for the future'

Personally no I don’t think you overstepped the mark at all, she is your niece.
i take it your niece is still young if you bathed and washed hair for her etc so what about if she had a toilet accident and needed help would your SIL rather you didn’t help?

I would have texted to ask if it was ok but then again I know my sil can be tricky.

Unless there’s some weird back story, your SIL is being very odd!

I’d be more than happy if someone that I trust to look after my toddler and change their nappy also gave them a bath when they were dirty.

You won’t be babysitting for ‘a while’, eh?

I wouldn’t be helping her out with childcare ever again.

I'd be quite hurt if I were you. I would reply saying that if she doesn't feel you are trustworthy enough to do intimate care then it's baffling that she ever felt it appropriate to leave her child with you. She wouldn't be seeing much of us in future.

I’m a sensible person, OP, and if either of my SILs had looked after my child together with her own and they’d done messy play or baking etc and she bathed my child I’d be delighted that she’d saved me a job. In fact DH’s SIL and I used to share bathing the 3 DC as they’re all close in age. When they were little and we were all at the PIL they went in the bath together and had a great time and we’d take it in turns to supervise.

Obviously your SIL doesn’t view you in the same light. If she’s your DB’s wife I’d have a word with him. If she’s your DH’s DB’s wife it should be your DH who speaks to his brother.

Yes maybe this is what I should have done. Its just that mine was getting a bath anyway so I just put them in together.

They're both only 2 and not toilet trained yet so obviously I change her nappy all the time.

SIL comes across as really ungrateful

Shes batshit

Also, I love how she seems to think SHE is doing YOU a favour by "letting" you babysit her child.

Utterly bizarre response from her. Of course I would wash a child (relative or friend) who got filthy whilst at my house.

Given that you’re doing nappy changes she’s being completely ridiculous.

If she is worried about you being around her daughter she shouldn't leave her daughter with you unsupervised, you have her all day, whatever boundary she thinks you crossed by bathing her could be crossed at any point during that day without her knowing. If you trust someone enough to leave your child alone with them for a prolonged period of time you should trust them to bathe them

I'm with your SIL - I think you shouldn't have done that without asking first.

So it's ok for you to change her shitty nappies, but not to wash her hair?!

I would probably have text photo of the mess they were in before bathing, but that reaction is still ott.