To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

I think it’s quite insuring of her. Mind you I remember my SIL saying I was very inappropriate to take pics of my kids in the bath . She was looking at old pics of them . She said if it was now she would be reporting me to social services . I was really pissed off with her . I think I posted on here about it . I wouldn’t be helping out again in a hurry if I were you

Sorry predicted text 😩That was meant to read insulting

This has made me think that anyone who has concerns about a close male relative having bad thoughts while caring for a child is someone who is trying to suppress bad thoughts themselves

@Glass113

you didn't do anything wrong at all!!

I would have thought it was lovely of you & bet the girls had great fun!

As many others have said, changing nappies is as much, if not more 'intimate' so why would you even consider she would think you were overstepping?

even if, god forbid, she was abused as a child & it was 'bath' related, she needs to deal with that or at least ask people not to bathe her child, just say she has a few hang ups around it. It's still pretty insulting though implying you'd abuse her child. If she doesn't trust someone to bathe her child, she shouldn't be leaving their child with them at all. You don't need to bathe them to abuse them.

i think I'd reply with something like... 'that's a shame you think me bathing my niece is overstepping, I deeply resent the implication. I thought it was helpful not to send x home covered in flour etc. I don't understand, but your choice. It's a pity you feel this way as the girls will miss playing together, best you inform future caregivers of the ordinary things you think are overstepping 🤷🏻‍♀️'

@Glass113

I'm sorry, I didn't notice the date!!

Well, each to her own. I just know that a boy or a man seeing my body in the shower or (god forbid) on the toilet is going to be scarily excited! No I'm not being pretentious - I'm an average 20 year old woman whom men love "copping eyefuls" of.
So I'm not intending to be disrespectful to you, just stating my own feelings and beliefs.

Whatever we think about the OPs actions, I certainly wouldn't agree with photos being taken of young girls in the bathroom. If those photos were ever seen by a man or boy in the future, I'm sure the girl would be horrified. I know I would be.

Have you heard yourself?!

Heard myself do what?
Probably!

Get over yourself. No one is getting excited walking in on you having a shit! 🤣

My aunt has a photo of my brother and I in the bath when we were toddlers. Super cute photo! Bubbles covering the privates. It's framed and on her fireplace so I'm sure plenty of boys and men have seen it. I doubt any have got excited by it and I couldn't care less about anyone seeing it. I think you need therapy.

I wouldn’t bother @Illpickthatup , it jumped the shark with immediate family being ‘scarily excited’ seeing someone else in their household (of either sex) on the loo. If this is indeed the case then the whole family needs therapy along with the poster. No one in this household would blink an eyelid seeing a sibling/parent/child in the shower and I can assure there is less than zero excitement for someone on the loo. Because that’s normal. If this is not the case then it’s therapy for all really.

How much do you love yourself?

I don't imagine they are but they better not get the chance to!
Anyway I just said "on the toilet".

Doesn't matter if you were sitting, pissing or changing a tampon. No-one gives a shit

Gosh - I'm really surprised. Has no-one here ever been to a school where boys (& men) have been desperate to peep into girls' locker rooms or even toilets?
And I've had boyfs who thought they could watch me pee. Maybe I'm the only young woman who attracts men like that but I doubt it!

Well as a family who all use the bog in front of each other and manage not to get excited about it, I have no idea where you're coming from

Maybe nobody wants to see you do those things - unfortunately they get a thrill seeing me!

No duck. They really don't.

Do you have a magic sparkly fanny that dispenses beer or something?

@NPET Gosh - I'm really surprised. Has no-one here ever been to a school where boys (& men) have been desperate to peep into girls' locker rooms or even toilets? And I've had boyfs who thought they could watch me pee. Maybe I'm the only young woman who attracts men like that but I doubt it

Can you really not make distinctions between strangers and family etc?

I’m sure all of my sons would like to see an attractive non-related, non family friend they have grown up with, naked in the shower. I’m sure my daughter would like to see an attractive non-related, non family friend they have grown up with in the shower. That’s normal.

I’m sure none of my sons get off on looking at myself or their sister in the shower if they happen to walk by while the door is open. I’m sure my daughter does not get off in looking at her brothers or DH if she happens to walk by while the door is open.

My kids are good looking. I’m sure strangers (non related and not people they have grown up with) wouldn’t object to looking at them in the shower. To solve this, they don’t shower in the open in public, or when we have guests.

In general, no adult likes to see another adult on the toilet. No one finds someone popping out a shit or changing a tampon attractive in that moment.

As for little kids being keen to look at the other sex in school toilets. Yes, for a few reasons. Firstly, at some point young kids work out they all have different bits and bobs so it’s natural curiosity. They outgrow this in normal development. Secondly, kids just like doing taboo and naughty things and breaking rules so it just presents an opportunity.

Does all of the above help you? You seem to have developmentally abnormal thought processes.

It's a strange reaction but maybe she had a bad experience as a child. You may be able to salvage the relationship if you want to.

My first job was at a daycare and even we had to clean up and change kids at times (accidents are common with three year olds they’re not always fully potty trained) so I mean, even if the child was with another care provider they might be at least sponge bathed and changed

Can you invite her for coffee to discuss it or something like that? This seems like a big overreaction.

Maybe she should have phoned her to ask permission ..

It is difficult today for one to respond to human behavior because of the current humanistic society without justified standards as compared to the biblical era of yesteryears. But, you were right because the Bible says in James 4:17 :- "Therefore to him that knowrth to do good, and doth it not, to him it is sin."