To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

I think it shows your sil doesn’t trust you as a family member - presumably she would be ok with her own mother or sister bathing her child? So time to consider whether to continue with the babysitting, is it worth it and will there be future hassles if she is treating you like a childminder and not part of her family? Maybe stop babysitting and instead arrange playdates where you are equal (not parent / childminder) and set some boundaries in how she can treat you that way.

OP, you did the right thing.
I used to regularly bathe my goddaughter and her parents were delighted to hand over that task!

Either she trusts you to look after her dd or she doesn't. But then, I am constantly amazed on MN how often posters are handing off their dc to parents or in laws and then melting down because things weren't done exactly as they like them. So she's not alone in this crazy behaviour.

To clarify, I think she’s being ridiculous in any case, but you’re already doing intimate care doing nappy changes!!

If she thinks you're okay to change her nappy but not bath her then she'd absolutely batshit. No good deed goes unpunished, unfortunately. You've been so helpful to her, she's an absolute ingrate.

YANBU she is being extremely weird. She's lost a good babysitter.

I'd text back with 'Sorry, I didn't see it as any different to changing her nappy, which obviously you have been happy for me to do all these weeks.'

Then don't babysit again. She's too nuts.

But don’t feel mortified. She’s watched too many TikToks about promoting body autonomy and privacy in kids (which I completely agree with, before any one jumps) but is using this to school you about what a superior parent she is with her ‘boundaries’.

What would she have liked you to do if her child pooed herself? Left her in faeces so you wouldn’t have overstepped a boundary?

She’s going to feel silly when the high of texting you wears off.

I do not leave my children with anyone who I wouldn’t feel comfortable bathing them in an emergency or times of particular messiness.

i wouldn’t sit your niece again. She’s made you feel awful to make herself feel like a better parent.

Jesus, how ridiculous. I wouldn't babysit again.

Seems odd that she's happy for you to change her nappy but not bathe her! However, I think it would have been best if you'd texted or called her just to check she was happy with it. Don't beat yourself up about it though- you clearly had no nefarious agenda and were just being sensible and practical!

So by that logic she's got to ask every time she needs to change the child's nappy too? See how bloody batshit that sounds?

Surely this is much more about SIL's anxiety than her view of you?

I think I'd respond saying you thought it was the best thing in the circumstances and hope they're both OK.

Then leave it, if she doesn't want you to babysit, she doesn't

Bloody hell you must be so hurt

Notice how she says for a while? Just say no. Never again as you'll be worried about doing the wrong thing. You have a child the same age and they were dirty. Fuck that.

How offensive!
And yes, tell your brother if it's his wife, or DH to speak to his brother, copy them in on the text so that they are clear what's been said, and tell them how upset you are and how batshit this is. You can change her nappy but not give her a bath??

I wouldn't be babysitting again

What a weird, weird woman! I would be grateful for you being proactive. She has some sort of anxiety she needs to be seen about.

SIL is off her head.

I just said to my friend who's 2 year old I occasionally babysit 'what would you do if I handed back your dd all sticky and covered in flour from baking cakes?' her response 'Id say you could of bathed her!' 🤣

Does she babysit your child too or is it a one way street?
I think I'd text back "wow "

Wow. I'd be withdrawing babysitting services entirely! I've often bathed my nieces, I don't understand how it's any different to changing a nappy.

She's being ridiculous! I've bathed my DSDs friend when they've stayed over. I mentioned it to her mum casually in case she had a problem with it. "they're watching a movie then they've asked to go for a bath". Her mum didn't bat an eyelid and she's a social worker so well aware of safeguarding issues. Honestly people ask as though everyone is a paedophile these days.

The fact that you have a child of a similar age that she can see is well cared for it is bizarre that she wouldn't let you wash/give her a bath.

It's a shame for your daughter and your niece but I would never babysit her again.

That's just really nasty of her as it's punishing two innocent children.

She trusts you to be alone with her daughter and feed your daughter but not to give her a bath?!

Weird and spiteful woman with stupid issues.

YANBU. You're not a random person bathing the child, you already clean her bum if you are doing nappy changes!

Presumably the girls loves playing on the bath together.

I wouldn’t even reply tbh. Let her contact you