To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

Perfect

Your SIL is very lucky it’s you and not me who she sent that text to.
Has she got form?

Just out of interest, are you male or female @Glass113?

I don't know why everyone is encouraging OP to go in all guns blazing, she either needs to send a sympathetic text or have a sensible actual conversation.

The suggestions here are only going to escalate things and presumably OP does want to be amicable with her family

That is a crazy and staggering overreaction. I would be extremely angry if my SIL behaved like this towards me, what on earth is she insinuating? You’re her Aunt presumably. Don’t be mortified, the only one who should feel mortified is her.

She’s absolutely batshit, please don’t apologise. If it were me I would get in first and tell her you won’t be babysitting again ever, never mind not for a while. I would also make it clear how fucking insulted you are.
My nephew is the same age as his cousin and they frequently bathed together at that age, whatever house they were in, nobody gave a shiny shit.

You can't reason with this level of batshit. Why should the OP be sympathetic her SIL has been anything but sympathetic or sensible so why should the OP?

Are you male or female? That might make a difference to her?

It makes even less sense with you saying that you're changing nappies anyway and they leave her with you

Exactly this. What a ridiculous woman.

Because two wrongs don't make a right, becuase SIL is clearly anxious, because OP presumably would like to maintain a relationship with her niece....

It really can't be too difficult to consider that an anxious mother had a bad day and over reacted without over reacting yourself.

I would not be texting to apologise.

I think your sister in law needs to get a grip. She's your niece. I don't understand why changing her nappies are fine but giving her a bath isn't. I wounder if your SIL gets so precious about her own siblings caring for her child, or just her husband's family.

This is very, very serious and I would be fucking livid. What she is basically implying is unforgivable. I would never, ever babysit again, and she would be permanently removed from my life. There would be no coming back from this for me personally.

I wouldn’t text to apologise, I would just ignore her and never provide any form of babysitting for her again.

The ratio on this. Show your SIL? She's ungrateful. And a bit batshit. Change a nappy but not bathe?

Actually this is a good point I hadn't considered. I assumed the OP was a female.

I wouldn't be ok with a male relative bathing my kid but would be fine female relatives or close friends doing so, but then I wouldn't be leaving a male relative expect my dad changing nappies anyway.

I can understand that she was surprised and maybe felt a bit weird- if no overnight stay was involved it wouldn't really occur to me a bath would be (vomiting incident aside).

However, I don't understand why she feels it was overstepping so much she would text you after etc. You are female family who looks after her regularly and changes her nappies, so I think after my initial surprise I'd if been like 'oh well, fair enough, saved me a job'. It would be different if it was just a playdate with a friend or something.

And yes, what's with not babysitting 'for a while'? Either she trusts to babysit again or she doesn't, so this just seems like creating drama / punishing you for the sake of it.

I'd probably just reply with something like 'sorry. Given I change her nappies regularly it didn't occur to me this would cross a boundary, but if you don't trust me you are right it's best I don't babysit.'

Absolutely ridiculous on her part!

"SIL, I understand that you are upset I bathed Dniece. However, I don't understand exactly why you're upset, given that I babysit Dniece regularly/change her nappy regularly, and the fact that she was covered in flour and syrup from baking. I'd appreciate it if you could please explain a little more about how you're feeling so I can understand better. Thanks xxx"

I agree. She has accused the OP of being inappropriate with her daughter. I wouldn't want to see her again never mind babysit.

She didn't over react in the moment though did she, she waited all night and then in the morning despite sleeping on it she still sent a message implying the OPs intentions were immoral and nefarious.

No rational person reacts like that and yes whilst the OP probably does wish to maintain a relationship for the sake of the niece how can they do that when the SIL has essentially implied Ill intent.

@Universalsnail even if male... the SIL is happy for the OP to have the kid all bloody day, feed her, change her nappy, keep her safe. Just not keep her clean apparently.

I mean, what if she had a poo bomb that was best dealt with in a bath? Would you be supposed to let her sit in her own shit?

Or if she was sick everywhere? Do you leave her in that too?

Nonsense.

Surely if you feel your male relatives can't be trusted to bath your child you wouldn't have them babysitting regularly & changing her nappy. So thd fact the SIL trusts the OP enough to leave her child in the OPs care for prolonged periods & change the child's nappy they trust them regardless of whether their male or female

“Notice how she says for a while?”

That’s what leapt out at me too.

It’s not so serious a matter that SIL will abandon her sense of entitlement to free childcare at her convenience on a permanent basis.

Oh no. This is just a temporary disciplinary measure she is deploying, to bring her provider of free childcare into line.

SIL will bestow the honour of free childcare provider status on OP again, once OP has shown herself to be suitably remorseful and done her penance.

Your last sentence = nail+head.