To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

No, you didn't. She's your niece. SiL is antsy. Her loss, since she's lost free babysitting.

It is difficult today for one to respond to human behavior because of the current humanistic society without justified standards as compared to the biblical era of yesteryears. But, you were right because the Bible says in James 4:17 :- "Therefore to him that knowrth to do good, and doth it not, to him it is sin."

You are resurrecting a Zombie.

SIL apologised in March of 2024.

Don't beat yourself up over it. You were in mum mode and was just getting on with it as we do. It's not like you've done anything wrong under most normal circumstances. If she had expressed before that bathing was a no then that would be crossing a line. But It seems that's not a conversation to be had. And the fact you do their nappy shows would pretty much think you had the green light to bathe her. I think SIL is being unreasonable...I think you should reply with saying that you won't be babysitting ever again after it's been insinuated there's wrongdoing by cleaning her child.
Also if its your neice through your brother/sister speak to your sibling about it and say its not on

But this is a toddler so presumably needs nappies changing or at least help with and after the loo. What exactly is the difference between that and a bath?
If she’d shat herself should the OP have contacted the child’s mother first before dealing with it?
If you decide to leave a toddler in someone else’s care then surely there has to be an assumption that that person might need to undress/clean/change them. If that isn’t something you want to happen then leaving them in anyone else’s care is probably not something you ought to do.

Oh I remember this thread! Twas a classic!

Particularly given this update Re age- of course you ANBU! Sil is bonkers

Original post was 02/03/2024 and OP @Glass113 last update was 06/03/2024

You didn’t cross “A” boundary but you crossed one of hers but you are not to know that if she has not told you beforehand
I guess we don’t know why people set such boundaries but they do so for a reason
you are acting defensively understandably because of the accusatory way in which she spoke to you but I’d be more curious as to why she has that boundary in the first place

Perhaps she was disappointed she missed bath time and just didn't express it that way. Sometimes the thing you're mad about (or say you are) isn't actually what you're mad about. You didn't do anything wrong - I would have done the same. If that's really how she feels though, her boundaries are different to yours and I guess that's ok :)

Strange she’s ok for you to change the nappy but not a bath. I’d be quite insulted. What does she think of me that I can’t bathe a toddler family member. Interesting how she says not to baby sit for a while not forever because I imagine it will prove complicated to not have free childcare.

No YANBU, your SIL is weird. Next time leave her kid a sticky mess and let her deal with it. She’s ungrateful and frankly strange.

Zombie...

...and sorted

Are you a man?

If not, then her behavior is just plain weird.

If you are a man, then neither of you are necessarily being unreasonable — but she’s still acting strangely. She trusts you enough to leave her daughter with you for hours at a time, yet gets upset if you show normal, caring behavior toward her daughter, like any responsible adult would.

That contradiction feels off.

The only explanation I can think of is that she’s worried you’ll notice something she doesn’t want you to see. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but… is it possible the child isn’t in a healthy situation at home?

I have my neices (6, 9, 12) for long weekends quite a lot, since they were tiny babies and have always bathed and washed their hair before sending them home (the older two can shower and wash their own hair now, which saves me a job) but my SIL has always been extremely grateful to me for doing this because its always saved her a job too.
You poor thing being made to feel like some monster by some jumped up hysterical, attention seeking, nutjob SIL.
Cut all ties immediately, and I hope your sibling or your partner (whomever sister she belongs to) sees sense and disowns her too.

Its all ok, she apologised to the op nearly 2 years ago!!