My family and friends really dislike my partner. I met him in 2016 and we were together for 4 years. The pandemic hit us hard and we ended. He moved away, we didn't speak for almost three years until he came back to apologise. He's been in therapy, he's made life changes and is doing well. I ignored him at first but after some thought I replied. We spoke back and forth for three/four months until I agreed to meet. All my feelings came flooding back. We are long distance (due to him moving away) and are taking it slow. I believe he has changed. I saw a therapist when we broke up as I wasn't in a good place. He is 40 and I am 35. He was very emotionally unavailable throughout the relationship, but not a 'bad person', never aggressive but perhaps immature.
I didn't tell anyone else until we had been seeing one another for a while. And since I have the burden and pressure from them feels huge. My Mum (who I'm very close to) especially.
They think he 'emotionally abused' me in the past by pushing what he wanted, especially with regards having children. I had an accidental pregnancy two years in and he reacted badly saying he never wanted children. In hindsight I should have had that conversation with him sooner. He left me as I wanted to keep our baby, I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks (quite traumatic) and he came back. He now says he wants children and doesn't know why he reacted that way.
They didn't like how he made very little effort with my loved ones. Made excuses (and some white lies) to get out of seeing them. He didn't seem to prioritise me, sometimes he would even forget plans we had made. My friends also saw him speak quite badly to his Mum and sisters at times.
He was a very solo thinker, it took a long time to move in together and even then he seemed to be dreaming up buying houses in areas he wanted to live in that wouldn't have suited my life or my job. He would hide little bits about me, harmless things really.
He has apologised to me for all of the above. He said he was really scared and didn't want to commit, therapy has helped him with that and he's changed.
My Mum has told me clearly that if I am with him that she doesn't want him to be a part of their lives. He won't be invited for family events/Christmases etc. The time around the miscarriage really upset not just me, but my loved ones. They saw the multiple disappointments and upset ness and many of them think I am now being blind. I'm willing to give him a chance but the negativity surrounding it is becoming hard to stand. He says he will show them he has changed, but he also admits it causes him stress.
I just need someone outside perspective to wonder AIBU to give him a chance.