To lock my three year old in a room

[Dontknowwhattodoreally]

My 3 year old is being very difficult and keeps trying to hurt baby sibling. I keep moving him away but he just keeps moving back and laughing his head off. I keep picking the baby up but he wants to play and tbh it’s not fair on him … no idea how to manage

I can see the temptation, but no, you can't lock him in a room.

I would however get a dog staircase, they're higher than normal ones. Putting him in a separate room to diffuse the situation isn't a bad thing at all and often what they need.

How is his speech amd language development ?? Are there any concerns there around delayed communication which will impact his ability to understand?

If you can find a local family hub and look at what courses they run they do a lot of helpful and supportive ones on dealing with behaviour at different ages. Often they have a free creche as well so your kids get looked after while you participate in the course. There would be other parents there getting to grips with similar so you will realise that the behaviour is likely normal, developmental, and can be sorted.

Sticker chart for playing nicely with baby, some sort of small reward every 5 stickers. Time out/naughty step when he doesnt.

He needs to learn it is absolutely not acceptable. He is only young but he has to learn quickly as baby safety/happiness also important.

Calm your jets. The poster was just showing you the thread they’d thought was you.

You’re rather confrontational and deliberately hostile at times OP. Perhaps your son can sense your feelings towards him, at 3 he’s bound to blame the baby for that.

Can you contact HomeStart to see if they could help you with some parenting support? They're just other parents who volunteer and can come and give you a hand when things are tough.

Like ‘thanks, that’s a good idea’?

Wish I had more useful advice. But I will see that my daughter was most difficult with the new baby when baby was about 10 mo. I think it is partly because they realise baby isn't going anywhere. And partly because baby is developing a personality, maybe starting to move. For me it was a v difficult stage. My smaller one is now 14 months and it is much easier. They still definitely have moments but frankly the little one can and does push back. Also they do sometimes play together (sometimes). So hang in there.

IDK if this has already been suggested but can you give him a teddy or doll and a cot to play with?

Bit of a reach...

I called the health visitor when I was having an issue with my DDs behaviour. They sent out someone from their nursery team. They observed our interaction and gave me some guidance. It was very helpful.

Playgroup works too. I was at playgroup at that age and a bit younger. Definitely sounds bored and of course he's interested in the younger baby.

To be fair, I'm not surprised she's being confrontational and deliberately hostile at times, sounds like she's fed up of it all, finding it hard with a threenager and doesn't know what to do for the best but wants to protect her baby.

I assume you have a baby gate and so I’d put the baby in one room on the floor for floor time and the toddler in the next room with his toys.

That way you can keep an eye on both but they can’t get to each other.

Its not easy and I don’t envy you right now!

Even if you do, it will only help for a short term and likely to make things even worse. He is jealous, it’s too much change for him. Try to find time for him only (without baby being around) during the week and do together something that he really loves. Explain that you are still here for him, and always will be but the baby is requiring your attention the same way he used to. Tell him he has three years more of your love as he was your first baby and you used to do all the same things for him. Read books together about the new siblings arrival and also involve him in helping you around the house (in age appropriate activities) so he feels needed. Reassurance is key at this stage and it will pass. And for now do not leave him alone around the baby as a precaution

A stairgate to keep him separated from baby?

My DNephew who's 5 and a half is trying to be a nice big brother to his 4 month old brother. It takes effort from both parents and all the family though.

Life has revolved around DNephew until he was born and thank god he goes to school is all I can say! DNephew is luckily very good with the baby though, and helps out with him, shows him stuff, plays with him. But they're getting better at enforcing proper boundaries rather than what his mum prefers which is gentle parenting. She's getting fed up of him hitting her and being overdramatic. Doesn't help that he's tall so looks like a 7 year old and you sometimes treat him that way!

Much sympathy for you dealing with this, it is a difficult phase.
My two are similar in age and I did, for my own sanity, put the baby to play or sleep in the play pen, so that I was reassured they were physically separated for some periods. It would give me space to put the washing on or give the older one some exclusive attention.
My mother advised me, “when in doubt, take them out”, which was often a pain in the bum, getting coats, etc, all weathers and the time it all took but it was so worth it and really made a difference.

If he's laughing at you, it means he knows he's getting away with it. Show him who's boss - You, not him!

Bring out Scary Mummy. She doesn't take any crap. Get down at his level, make eye contact and say slowly in very quiet voice... "DO. NOT. DO. THAT. AGAIN"

You can always bring back nice mummy later.

Sorry OP, it can be really tough, can't it!

You do seem to be rejecting quite a few suggestions a bit quickly, so I assume you are feeling pretty stressed and tired of the situation. Before worrying about your specific problem - are you getting enrough time away from your children? This sounds a bit like a "you can't pour from an empty cup" situation. Grandparents nearby to take eldest to the park? DH to take them both to soft play for a couple of hours? What support so you have so that you can be fresh and the best parent you can be? It's worth putting as much thought into that as the specific issue.

I do empathise. My twins are about the same age as your eldest. New baby is just coming up to 4 months in our case, and we also have a 7yo. Dear God do the 3yos make some days tough. Both poo'd in their pants this morning, and although the first one I think it was just that he didn't get there in time I'm sure the other one did it deliberately!!!! They are too rough with the baby, and I'm certain that its occasionally deliberately. A mixture of curiosity and jealousy I think. Very tough to handle.

Although its really hard, please do try to giv the eldest lots of time and positive attention. They really need it at that age. The youngest will be fine with a bit of neglect now and then, honest! Playpen or other safe area and some toys can buy you 15 minutes with with bit of luck.

I find mine much easier to manage away from home. At home, they will pester the baby of given even the slightest chance. But at playgroups they are much more interested in their peers. I also generally find 3yos to be less overwhelming when outside. Once a week or more we do a really long walk with planned stops - stop on a bench for a snack, stop at a playground for a run around etc. The youngest gets freedom at the rest stops!

Otherwise,try and focus on activities that your eldest can really enjoy and the baby might get some benefit from. Made some Angel delight with mine this morning - we took it inturns to stir, they had to carefully pour it into their bowl, had a blunt knife for chopping a banana in, few sprinkles tondecorate the top. A 10 month old could have a silocone spoon and bowl and feel very involved(making a right mess!) While your eldest did it "properly" because he's a bit boy. Remember that attention to you child is the success criteria, it doesn't matter if the desert looks even remotely good. The boys enjoyed eating theirs afterwards and I guaratee DH will find a smile and some compliments for them when he gets home even if it does resemble a bowl of slop with glitter on top.....

Always remember "this too will pass". Honestly, they get MUCH easier. My eldest gets cross at her brothers ocxasioanlly, but I certainly don't have to watch her at all times.

Sorry I haven't RTFT

It was a long time ago but I remember my DD got a lot more jealous of DS when he was around 8ish months. I think possibly because when he was newborn she could still have lots of attention and he could lie on a mat or was asleep a lot of the time. When he could sit up/move/reach her toys etc she got a lot more jealous (probably also because I was commeting on his new milestones)

We used to have 1-1 times to play with her sylvanians when DS was asleep (because the pieces were too small to have around when he was awake)

Good luck OP it can be really tough with 2 little ones and giving them both attention

This behaviour is normal but hard to deal with!

I had similar but different - My two year old was attacking my older child constantly, it was a real problem as I couldn't turn my back for a second and he was pulling out handfuls of hair, jumping on him etc, completely unprovoked.

The health visitor told me to deal with it firmly, that every time he did it he should be put out of the room for a short period. I had a stair gate on the living room door so used that. Only for a minute or so, then I told him he had to behave if he wanted to come back in.

I don't know if this worked but the phase passed after about 2 months and he doesn't do it any more.

I suggest Janet Lansbury for advice on dealing with toddler behaviour.

You have my sympathies. Dealing with a similar situation with my 10 month old DD and 2 and a half year old DS. He just wants to hug and pick the baby up but he gets overexcited and a bit rough sometimes. Mine is partly jealousy as it tends to happen when baby is getting undivided attention.

You’ve had a hard time on here about locking him in the room but is it any worse than being put in their room with a baby gate? I put mine in his room all the time if he starts to get a bit rough or if I need to settle baby to sleep. I try and head it off by saying “shall we go and play in your bedroom” and I’ll tell him to pick a toy and sometimes a snack and he’ll usually go quite happily.

If he hurts the baby deliberately, he’s made to sit on the sofa for a couple of minutes after being told off. He cries after being told off though which makes it easier. I’m sure I will have defiant laughing at me to come.

The other thing that works for me is to put baby in their high chair with a toy so they are out of reach from the toddler but still involved if DS is on a mad one.

This is a good idea - use playpen for the baby

Get one!!! Next day delivery on Amazon. Putting smaller baby in there with toys would massively help I yhink