To lock my three year old in a room

[Dontknowwhattodoreally]

My 3 year old is being very difficult and keeps trying to hurt baby sibling. I keep moving him away but he just keeps moving back and laughing his head off. I keep picking the baby up but he wants to play and tbh it’s not fair on him … no idea how to manage

Change of scenery when he starts acting up is all that’s needed OP! Get in the car and drive ten mins to a park, go out in the garden for five minutes, even shove CBeebies on for half an hour to reset if all else fails 😂

After reading your replies I really think you need to speak to your HV or GP. There’s an answer for every suggestion that’s been made…

@Wondergym I also came to say he's not giving you a hard time, he's having a hard time, but I see that didn't go down very well.

If you have a three year old that 'gives no shits about anything" then something is amiss. I also see you didn't like the other thread being suggested, but there are a load of helpful replies in there that might help you too? It's a very similar, almost identical, situation.

He's not silly, defiant, and challenging. He's a tiny human who is doing his best, and you need to believe this, rather than he's out to make your life difficult, because that's simply not true. Humans are wired for connection, children innately want to please, in order to keep themselves safe. He's showing you that he has a need in some way, and you need to work out what that is if you want this to get easier for both of you.

If you set him up as your adversary, rather than trying to build your relationship, then it's going to be a long old couple of decades. You're his advocate not his prison warder. You're the adult, the goal of parenting is to build a relationship that will last forver, not wrangle him despite his irritating behaviour until he can fend for himself.

Good luck.

Locking him in a room is really going to help him to bond with the new baby isn’t it?

“ I am going to lock you in your room because you are being mean to the new baby and because I think locking you in your room will help your three year old brain to work out that this isn’t a punishment but is helping you to recognise that yes, mummy still does love you but you need to be nice to the new baby who has completely upended your entire life and is taking my attention away from you.”

When I had a toddler and baby twins, I used to put different adult-sized clothes like shoes, t shirts, hats, scarves, belts, etc, in a box for them to play dress-ups. (Thrift stores are great for bits like this…) They could play to their heart’s content, learn how to dress themselves (sort of) and I would be involved by watching and talking about it. I would frequently change out the clothes so they had different things to play with.
Also set up a mini obstacle course for them. You hold the baby while they climb under the table, over a chair, onto a step, etc… You direct and they follow. Also add “stop!” And “goooo!” So that they listen to your cues when you leave the house.
Also sheets on the table for a fort with books, toys and snacks.

Why is that odd, sorry?

@excitedforbaby9 there is a difference between a couple of minutes and most of the day.

He could get into a playpen but slows him down a bit!

The time out approach does not promote locking a three year old up in another room. I have never done this but I can only imagine that it would fuel the fire of a tantrum and become traumatic all round.

My DD is a simillar age and can relate to the defiance. Although she never wants to hurt the baby. My baby is younger so we use the carrier a lot. A playdate is great too. I find it less hassle having another child round as they play together.

OP is literally rubbishing every suggestion people are making...

It does give more background to the situation, OP. It sounds like your DS's behaviour is an ongoing challenge rather than having just a slightly boisterous morning which will change people's advice. I have utmost sympathy for you, 2 under 4 is very hard. I suspect school will really help but it's understandable that you're looking for tactics to assist until then.

You need to get a play pen for the baby or tavel cot. Make sure the 3 year old can't climb over or tip it. Then you know the baby is safe.

If you need a few minutes to yourself, i don't see any harm in putting the 3 year old in a safe space and taking time. My kids have quiet time in their room. Although, i dont lock it theres a baby gate on it so the results the same. I wouldn't do it as a punishment because you don't want the bedroom associated with negativity but I'd put some toys in his room and tell him to play and mummy will be back in 5 minutes.then check back regularly. Children need to learn independent play.

If he tries to hurt the baby, I'd say no gently and show him how to be gentle. If he's climbing on the baby. You can't ribe the baby it's dangerous. Let's ride x instead.

I think people have been harsh because the language you've used. If you say lock him in his room it sounds extreme. If your putting him in a safe space while you take 5 it doesn't sound bad. The result is the same. Your both getting space. Obviously, safe space needs to be safe space and not under the stairs in a cupboard.

You can put a stair gate on his room, you can see & hear so it’s a safer option for everyone. There are tall ones available. Also, be sure he can’t open it or stack up toys and climb over.

Do you best to not show emotion around the issue, explain it’s so he can be in his room and that HE can be safe when his behavior is “off track” (use neutral words for behavior too). Tell him how long (not too long) and set a timer so it’s correct. Explain that he can go there if he feels he needs quiet time. Keep house quiet so you can hear him.
Maybe say when he behaves this way, your behavior looks like you are saying you need quiet time in your room, let’s go (no emotion in voice).

You aren’t alone with this challenge. There are times when is best for everyone to have a time out. Your goal is for him to learn to take himself away and calm self when he feels “whatever it is he is feeling”

Our toddler is younger and luckily has stopped trying to play doll with his sister, but we do put him in his room if his behaviour is challenging. We used to close the door but now have a stair gate in the door frame instead (not sure how much use for a 3yo though...). We also have a baby monitor so we can check on him. Often, being on his own helps him settle down if he is overexcited or bored, we also put different toys there that he doesn't get to play with often because he is generally with us in the living room.

Tbh closing the door in itself wouldn't shock me that much if your 3yo is playing nicely. If they are screaming to get out then obviously its not the right solution.

Try the offer of something he wants - I used to say to my jealous 3-year-old DS 'If you'll leave your baby sister alone for five minutes, we can play your favourite game until the timer goes off.'

We had a big toy clock and show him where the hand should be before he got his treat, and I used to give him ten minutes of the game of his choice with just me. I'd try and do this so I could be pretty confident that the little one wouldn't start crying and needing attention while we were having our time, but if she did, I felt OK leaving her for those few minutes. As the baby got older, she was allowed to take part in DS's game, but it was always DS's game (she got her turn later and he joined in). It didn't stop it completely but it did reduce the behaviour and it also got them playing together quite nicely.

It can be tough, OP. We've all been there.

Our son is 3 1/2. Our daughters are 2 and 10 weeks old.

Our son is exactly like yours and sometimes tries to hurt his sisters.

We give our son lots of 1:1 attention (I take him to the park and to Lidl alone, I read him a book every night before he goes to bed, sing songs, lots of cuddles etc).

He is still a little monster sometimes.

I am sorry but sometimes you need to be firm. Gentle parenting sometimes works, but not always.

An hour ago I had to shout at him to get him off his sister, and it worked instantly.

My son did the pushing boundaries then laughing thing for a bit - I found it really hard to deal with calmly. But calmly saying no we don’t do that, and moving him away, and then moving on, is probably best. I think I tended to make too much out of it, whereas my husband was probably better at distraction. Definitely a phase. My nephew is going through a similar phase now. I think however sweet natured they are, at 3 with a demanding little sibling there are hard times.

I would never lock the toddler in a room, but I did stand on the other side of a stairgate with the baby, when mine was on a rampage (he has autism, is actually lovely now, but at 3 would spend half an hour constantly trying to push past me to attack baby). It felt safe then having to constantly pulling him off her and risk either accidentally hurting him or him getting to baby. We were in sight and giving verbal reassurance the whole time.

Baby also had every nap in a sling until she was 1, as I couldn't trust toddler to leave her alone in a cot/basket. Oddly, when youngest was about 14 months, the toddler suddenly realised she was a person, cried for nearly an hour while hugging her and saying her name over and over, and they've been best friends since.

Explain to him every day that baby isn't as big as he is so whilst he can climb and jump baby can't yet but will love learning how from his big brother in a year or so. Say "you cannot climb on your brother as he is too small but you can climb on a climbing frame. Would you like to go to the play park (insert day)? or we will be going to the play park on this day"

Some kids need a manic run round to burn off excess energy. Do you rough play with him? If not maybe get a play pen and invite him to play rough with you but set a rule that he needs to clear all toys away or something first giving you time to put baby in playpen with toys. Set a timer and say when the timer ends the play stops. I find a good pillow fight usually burns off excess energy when it's not ideal to go outside

This is so sad he's still so young himself and you say you feel like your hiding from him. sit on the floor and play with them both together if he hurts baby sit him away for a minute an tell him no he needs to learn how to gentle play and hiding away from him will just make him worse!!

I think the play pen/travel cot is the best idea. When DS is climbing on the baby, put the baby in the travel cot and then find something to do with your DS to distract him. Take him into his room and play with him, or being his favourite toys into the room where baby is and play with DS on the floor while baby is in the play pen.

Obviously you can't lock your child in a room, but giving him a few minutes in his room to calm down is fine.

My DS can be extremely difficult, and when he is hitting younger DD, I often take him into his room to calm down. He can hit me when I try this, so I go out, close the baby gate, and give him a few minutes to calm down and go back and try again.

I've not read everything so apologies if I'm repeating anything.

You can't lock a 3 year old in a room. It would be frightening for them and have potentially long term impact on their mental wellbeing.

Is 3 year old in nursery? If not I would look at starting them for April.

If I was you I would have a structured routine so something like-

7am breakfast
8am dress /get ready
9am either toddle goes nursery or you take both to a playground/playgroup/meet with friends or family/soft play. Something that distracts toddler and gives opportunity to burn energy.
12pm lunch
1pm baby naps. Give toddler tv or screen time while baby is being put down. Then do some structured play with toddler following his /her lead
3pm go for a walk or do a structured activity such as crafts or baking with both of them.
4pm supervised play
5pm tea
After tea I'd let toddler have tv or similar while you do pots /tidy. And have baby with you
6pm start bedtime routine

For discipline I did do time out so 3 minutes at 3 years old. But I never left them. We sat in the hall together and had a calm down. No play or talking just a quiet few minutes to reset.

This is a horrible post and you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Where is the support for fellow parents? Absolutely mind blowing that someone can be so utterly rude.

Have you followed big little feelings on Instagram? They are so helpful.
They talk about giving bad behaviour very little attention and really trying to praise the positives. I find with my little ones the behaviour that I give the most attention to (whether it’s positive or negative attention) is the behaviour I see more of. I hope that helps 😁