To lock my three year old in a room

[Dontknowwhattodoreally]

My 3 year old is being very difficult and keeps trying to hurt baby sibling. I keep moving him away but he just keeps moving back and laughing his head off. I keep picking the baby up but he wants to play and tbh it’s not fair on him … no idea how to manage

Hey OP, you sound like you're struggling so well done for reaching out and asking for help. Even DC2 is 10 months it's still an adaption for DC1. Could you have someone look after DC2 so you xan spend some 1-1 time with DC1 - go to the park and let them run around? @Createausername1970 has some hood suggestions. You will get there!

Yes OK. But I can’t at half 8 in the morning 😂

Surely this is a joke. You need to teach 3 YO how to behave with baby.

I’ve tried but I can’t really let the baby get hurt while I try to teach and he ignores me.

This. Please don't do this.
It sounds like a difficult situation OP and I'm not sure how best to advise you but I'm certain that no 3 year old should ever be locked in a room. I have a 3 year old and the thought of her being locked in a room by herself breaks me to pieces 💔😭

Play pen seems a good idea, for the 10 month old, while you sit and play on the floor with 3 year old / interact with baby. That way there's a barrier between them but you're with them both.

Great but what should you do in this situation?

I’m not suggesting locking him in there for a long time sorry. More to diffuse the situation and to calm down as I was getting quite flustered.

And - I won’t. Just really difficult to deal with as every time I moved him he went back. And if I moved the baby the baby got upset. Not really enjoying being a mum today

Mate no-one is judging you, being a mum with two young ones is a bit of a relentless task x

Does the 3 year old not go to pre school or nursery? Can you get him a place? He sounds bored and needs stimulation and direction.

What are your routines for the day like? The 3 year old needs consistent routine and to be busy.

When he tries to hurt his brother, what consequences do you implement right now?

And no, don't lock anyone, especially children, in rooms

Baby goes in the playpen with their toys whilst you do another activity with your toddler.

He does loads honestly, nursery and also loads of stuff with me and the baby. I’ve never been one for just sitting around.

He doesn’t want to do an activity with me, is the problem. He wants to use the baby as a climbing frame

I've got a 3 year old and a 9 month old and the playpen I got last month has been a complete game changer - life is SO much easier as 9 month old can be safe and play with age appropriate things, not piss off his older brother, and I can give 3 year attention he needs. Facebook marketplace £40.

Don't lock him in but maybe having a safe space/quiet room where he is put if he is behaving badly and not listening to reasonable requests. Shut the door and use a timer.
Are you keeping three year old well fed and watered? (Could he be hangry?)
Can you make an Older Child Play Zone where older child keeps precious/super interesting toys with which baby is too young to play - like lego or train set. Can you zone it by puting up high baby gates or fences in door ways?

3 year old also loves climbing over his little brother, but luckily stops when I tell him to. You should be able to keep 3 year old out of a playpen though - definitely get one!

Yeah we had one for no1 but it vanished in a house move, thanks. Not sure why I did t think of it.

I feel for you it’s so tough and unless you’ve been there it’s easy to say just move the baby or the toddler
i think it does get better just need to keep persevering and ride out the tough time at the moment
if you’re in the room, can you try sitting in between them whilst the toddler is playing and the baby is on the mat lots of positive reinforcement if you can get the toddler to pass something to the baby or do something nice et cetera one thing that’s been good for us is a couple of extra Stairgate on room doors. For example, if I have to go into a different room to do some and Baby happy on the play mat I asked the toddler to come help me and close the stair gate so he has the run of the area where in but can’t go back into the Baby on supervised. When he goes through one of his moments, I’ll try a lot of destruction with shall we get a book shall we do a jigsaw to take his mind away from the baby and also not sure if your toddler goes to preschool or nursery I booked as in for a couple of mornings a week just so I can get a few jobs done and spend a bit more time. Focusing on the baby as have a lot of guilt about the amount of one-to-one time my toddler got and how little I feel I’m giving the Baby due to him needed me too.
Hope things get easier soon x

Does he understand he is hurting the baby?
Could you show him some photos of him at that age to remind him he was smaller too and people have to be gentle with babies so they don't get hurt.
Say it's fine to play with the baby but only games that are safe for babies.

Thanks @Upallnightsndallday rhat was pretty much what I was doing but I was worried someone was going to get hurt as 3yo kept climbing on me and I kept putting my arm out to stop him getting to the baby. It is hard

@Needmorelego nothing I say at the moment seems to go in, he just laughs manically. Feeling like a very crap mum.

I think you have to sit with them to stop him being too boisterous. If you move into a different room take the baby with you.

Time in as someone else said. He needs some discipline. Does he attend a nursery? If so, how do they deal with bad behaviour? Probably by sitting the child away from the play areas for a short time having explained why this is needed.

Every time you attend to him when he is doing what you don't want him to, he is being rewarded with your attention. Sit him where you can see him but don't interact beyond explaining why he needs to be there. He won't comply at first, so you need the broken record technique - e.g repeatedly saying something like "I don't like you hitting the baby, you need to sit here for x minutes". Keep calm and repeat.

Then you can work on rewards - something special he really likes when he has played gently / not hit the baby for x time. (A short burst of time at first - say 15 minutes).

At 3 years and 4 months he is old enough to understand unless he is SEN. He is defying you deliberately and is also quite likely jealous (as the baby gets older and more active, jealousy is more likely).

You need to also give him fun time with you on his own - when baby naps? Don't do chores then, be very attentive to him. Then you can say in future that you promise to do x with him when the baby is asleep if he is gentle with the baby (i.e. its becomes a reward you can use)

Get a playpen.