To lock my three year old in a room

[Dontknowwhattodoreally]

My 3 year old is being very difficult and keeps trying to hurt baby sibling. I keep moving him away but he just keeps moving back and laughing his head off. I keep picking the baby up but he wants to play and tbh it’s not fair on him … no idea how to manage

This is not true at all and is worded deliberately quite provocatively. He wasn’t doing his own thing, it was actually the baby who was playing independently. Blame me all you like but it really isn’t unheard of for three year olds to be silly, defiant and challenging.

I think the space hopper thing mentioned above might be something like this?
https://www.argos.co.uk/product/2650939

If you put "space hopper" into Amazon you get a ton of results, all with faces. A kiddie psychologist told a friend of mine that specifically having a face on it is great for releasing tension in little kids. It's the reaction (the face gets squashed out of shape and apparently it's quite satisfying - it's a very visible 'reaction').
They leap all over with them so make sure the baby isn't right there on the floor or he could get accidentally squashed

Thanks very much!

I know this is really hard to deal with, but you can't lock a 3 year old in his room. Have a time out area instead, little chair or bottom step and tell him firmly he will have to sit there for a time out if he hurts the baby (3 minutes for a 3 year old) then tell him firmly that he must not hurt the baby. Be consistent and stay calm. It's a very normal phase for a toddler so don't blame yourself, it will get better, promise.

On a practical not get a circular playpen with a baby rocker in and only put baby down in there to protect from toddler.

Unfortunately that’s just not really working … he just keeps getting off and laughing. I know the jo frost technique is to keep putting them back but you can’t spend hours on it and it just feeds attention if they’re finding it hilariously funny.

It's SUCH a hard phase.

Locking him in his room for a very short time (2 minutes?) as a punishment for actually climbing on the baby is one idea. But beware that you don't want him to end up thinking that being in his room is always a punishment, because that'll make bedtimes hard!

Put all the energy and strategic thinking you can manage (through exhaustion!) into prevention. There are some great ideas earlier in the thread.

Focus mainly on the 3 year old. You can chat to him even whilst dealing with the baby and looking at the baby, because the 3 year old understands the words and knows you're paying him attention, whereas the baby is happy to be looked at/cuddled/hear words.

"Big brother, you used to roll around too when I changed your nappy. You were such a funny baby and I love that you're a funny big boy now and we get to giggle together every day!"

Big brother can choose a book that you read or a game that you play whilst you feed baby. He can choose baby's outfit when he chooses his own.

Taking on a new "project" with the big sibling can help. We worked our way through the Tickle Fingers book with baby sibling on my back if fussy or playing on the floor or in the high chair if happy.

My three year old loves his new solar system sewing kit and his train set and matchbox cars. They'll keep him happy for long enough for five baby feeds.

My now five year old needed the climbing frame or cushions as stepping stones or likewise.

A little playpen in the garden can keep baby safe but still mobile, while big brother cycles or climbs or digs.

On walks or time in parks, big brother can be given a challenge (build X out of sticks and mud/ find the best or biggest leaf / spot an insect) whilst baby has a few minutes out of the pram or carrier. Picnics help with this if you can cope with the chaos and mess! Any meal is more fun when it's outside, somehow.

You'll find your way through this difficult phase. And using it to engage your 3 year old more and make him feel even more valued will only pay dividends in future.

And when you feel like you've mastered this phrase, the next one will start 😉

And when you feel like you've mastered this phrase, the next one will start unfortunately this much is true!

Get a playpen OP and shut him in that for baby's safety.

Will the 3yo respond to having toys taken if he is naughty? Or no treats? My middle one is abit like that, always throwing things at the baby. He doesn't care about toys but will respond to no treats. I use a naughty step with him as well, that works sometimes. He'll be starting nursery in a few months and I'm pleased - we are both ready for it.

Honestly I wouldn't do that. I'd take them for a walk, just around the block, to wear him out. Then when I'm home put the little one in the play pen, to keep them separated. Ask the older one to help you in the kitchen and around the house, to keep them busy and feeling positive.

@Dontknowwhattodoreally yes remember this most likely is a phase that will pass 🙂
Stay chilled (as much as you can) for the rest of the day.

We don’t actually live on a block, where we live unfortunately doesn’t lend itself to just going out for a walk. We’re dealing with gale force winds and floods!

At the moment he gives no shits about anything at all

But locking a three year old up in a room is fair?

I think a bit of time out from a situation can be helpful, for two or three minutes.

In a nice way, are you carrying on doing everything you need to do with the toddler and taking baby along or are you not doing what you normally did and focusing on baby? The baby is a new addition that needs to be slotted in with the family, it can't all revolve around them, they have to just be joined in. I know it's harder and busier with two but you can't just put the 3 year old away. Meet babies needs of course but you have to do this while meeting the needs of your elder child

he's nearly 4 he's not a toddler. and your baby is 10 months and nearly walking not a newborn...this is really odd.

Run a big bubble bath? My MIL gave me this tip when I had 2 little ones. It solves most issues in the moment. It also kills a lot of time when stuck in the house due to weather. Whenever I felt overwhelmed a big bubble bath was my go to.

You could have baby on bathroom floor on play mat and toddler in the bubble bath playing.

Put baby in sling and focus on toddler. Like really engage with toddler for a set period of time - so his focus is on you not baby.
I had two under two and older one really needed my attention way more than baby did.

OP - you came on and asked for advice - only to rebuff every suggestion that’s been made. You need to step up and speak to a HV if you need support managing your toddler.

Mine didn't hurt each other, but all kids go through challenging times.
We used the time out step/chair idea, and yes, repeatedly putting them back and not engaging. It's annoying and time consuming, but it does work. They were allowed back when they were ready to apologise for their behaviour, and then asked what they wanted to do. Ie, if they're lashing out because they're tired/hungry/wanting to play/attention. It teaches them to understand why they're lashing out/doing something 'naughty' and recognise the signs before they do it again.
Playpens etc didn't work for me, they could easily climb out, over gates, open gates and so on very young.
It's a really hard stage, so good luck, op.

Never lock children in rooms! I was locked in a room by my stepdad when I was 5 once or twice and then at a party in a basement room also by him. Luckily I'm not too traumatised but it did scare me. Subtle power play.

This makes me sad because you’ve said you can’t have the baby in a pram all day because it isn’t fair but the title of this thread is about locking your 3 year old in a room.

It’s difficult. I have a 3.5 year old and a 5 month old, he’s too rough with her sometimes, instead of thinking I want to move away from him or ‘lock him in a room’ I engage in an activity with him. It sounds like your eldest is jealous and wants some attention.