AIBU - violin teacher dumped us on the first lesson

[DesperateSusans]

We are new to the area. My daughter (age 7) desperately wants to learn the violin. We asked at her new school and they gave us the information about the local violin teacher who teaches in the local schools and privately.

we contacted the teacher and arranged the lesson. Everything went really well, DD loved it and the teacher was great with us.

I have since received a text message from the teacher which I am confused about.

something along the lines of - great to meet you earlier, on reflection I think a different teacher may be more suited to working with DD. I immediately asked her what she meant. She then went on to say that she felt uncomfortable about the amount of questions I asked with regards to her qualifications, experience and teaching methods and made her feel uncomfortable! Apparently all of this is on her website (I hadn’t looked) and she felt like I was interviewing her!

surely this can’t be right? Isn’t it normal for parents to ask questions when they engage the services of a private tutor?

She obviously thought that you were a bit nuts. That’s her prerogative I suppose.

Clearly you came across like you were interrogating her. Offer your apologies and try and save it for the sake of your DD.

Well, she gets to choose whether she teaches your daughter or not, and however you behaved made her very certain that, for her, it wasn't worth the money.

Well done that teacher!

Ok, I understand , but still, surely it’s perfectly normal to find out about someone who is working with your child??

There are ways of doing this without an interrogation!

Yeah that does seem odd. Who knows maybe she is already quite maxed out on lessons or something? Especially if it's a side hustle rather than a full time job. But, still, annoying for you guys. I hope you find another teacher nearby.

But you interrogated her about stuff she makes freely available on her website 🤷🏻‍♀️
She clearly thought you were a bit daft.

I think maybe you made her feel insecure… I personally wouldn’t mind someone asking me questions regarding my qualifications etc but she obviously did.
Find a new teacher and perhaps don’t ask too many questions next time.

It wouldn’t enter my mind to ask any of those questions, especially not for a tutor recommended by a school. Can’t say I blame her tbh.

Yes. Which is why she has a website.

She can spot a potentially difficult parent, and no doubt doesn't need the hassle.

Presumably you didn't do this with the teachers at school, or the swimming teacher, or Brownie leader...

You made her feel awkward, so she doesn't want to come back. Well done her for being honest.

Sounds odd, I've done exactly as you have in the past. Saying that I've found school music teachers quite a strange lot.

Well I’m not sure how to find out without asking!

I asked about her qualifications and she looked a bit put out! She told me them (there were a lot), and then said ‘I wouldn’t be teaching in schools if I wasn’t qualified’

I asked about her experience and she said ‘over 30 years so I think I know what I’m doing’

I can’t see what I did wrong!

I bet the violin teacher can also tell that you're going to be the type of parent who demands to know why little Jemima didn't get a distinction in her Grade 1...

To be honest it wouldn’t cross my mind to ask any sort of questions of an instrument teacher for a 7yo beginner. 🤷‍♀️. She obviously thought you were going to be a bit of a pain.

sounds like the violin teacher was putting her boundaries in place. Maybe think about your approach before trying the next teacher?

Which is why you look at their website first and ask any additional questions. It's weird that you didn't do that.

Isn’t it a good to interview people you’re going to leave your child with? Isn’t that to be expected? The tutor obviously thought parents should have that information or she wouldn’t put it on her website.

She sounds a bit arsey to me, as if she feels she shouldn’t have to explain herself to you or that you should have done your homework (read the website) before meeting her. Perhaps you should but it’s unkind to your daughter to make her go elsewhere because she didn’t like the conversation.

But I don’t see what’s wrong with my approach. I think it’s relevant to ask about someone’s qualifications, experience, enhanced DRB check, insurance and times to get to grades. What’s wrong with that?

I would make the same decision as the teacher. You are clearly a highly strung parent. Your daughter is having her first lesson and you are asking questions as if she is preparing for her audition as the first violin in the national philharmonic. How much do you know about teaching music to be able to make a decision whether the tutor's experience, education and teaching methods are sufficient to give your child lessons? Surely, the most important thing should have been whether your daughter enjoyed the lesson.

She didn’t gel with you, it happens. I do get why she was put out. All of the information is on the website plus she was recommended to you by the school who obviously rate her, or they wouldn’t have passed on her details to you in the first place.

I'd understand a bit more of a conversation about a good fit and experience for a more advanced player, but grilling an instrumental teacher for some beginner lessons might be a red flag to her. She's probably decided on balance you're likely to be a handful.

She has a website! That's how you find out! Blimey is everything this hard for you?!

Sounds like you should have looked at her website.
It was probably the tone of your question too.