Page 31 | AIBU - violin teacher dumped us on the first lesson

DesperateSusans · 2024-02-29T17:28:28+00:00

We are new to the area. My daughter (age 7) desperately wants to learn the violin. We asked at her new school and they gave us the information about the local violin teacher who teaches in the local schools and privately. we contacted the teacher and arranged the lesson. Everything went really well, DD loved it and the teacher was great with us. I have since received a text message from the teacher which I am confused about. something along the lines of - great to meet you earlier, on reflection I think a different teacher may be more suited to working with DD. I immediately asked her what she meant. She then went on to say that she felt uncomfortable about the amount of questions I asked with regards to her qualifications, experience and teaching methods and made her feel uncomfortable! Apparently all of this is on her website (I hadn’t looked) and she felt like I was interviewing her! surely this can’t be right? Isn’t it normal for parents to ask questions when they engage the services of a private tutor?

DoubleBingo · 01/03/2024 20:43

I love your update op. Good on you for swallowing pride. I hope it all goes well for your daughter

Calliopespa · 01/03/2024 20:47

FarmGirl78 · 01/03/2024 20:34

Well fair play to you for taking advice and opinion on board and realising you were in the wrong to go at it so gung ho. I mean, you wouldn't interview your Daughter's maths teacher the same would you?

I really hope this works out between the 3 of you so it can be wonderfully productive for your Daughter. Funny how this thing's works out, you bumping into her. There's probably a word for it, but I have no idea!

Serendipity!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/03/2024 20:51

I'm really glad you've managed to sort it out!

As for what she told you about her approach with beginners - that's spot on.

In terms of you wanting ABRSM, I was very rigid with that too, however, I've since learned that some students are better suited to Trinity. But as others have said, some do no exams and just take their grade 8. I know someone who's 9 year old had never done an exam, then took his Grade 8 violin aged 9 and got a distinction. He'll end up as a professional as he's a natural and is winning lots of competitions and festivals.

XelaM · 01/03/2024 21:15

YAY!! Well done OP 👏🏼Glad you sorted it😃

Kenthighst · 01/03/2024 21:17

DesperateSusans · 29/02/2024 17:31

Ok, I understand , but still, surely it’s perfectly normal to find out about someone who is working with your child??

Do you do this with school teachers too?

FarmGirl78 · 01/03/2024 22:14

Calliopespa · 01/03/2024 20:47

Serendipity!

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That'll be the one! Cheers! xx

oakleaffy · 01/03/2024 22:39

DesperateSusans · 01/03/2024 15:22

Something amazing has happened!

I bumped into the violin teacher in Boots earlier! She saw me approaching and asked if I was stalking her - but laughed as she said it phew!

I apologised for being full on and appearing to be demanding, she was very nice as I explained all this is new to me and wasn’t in my comfort zone. She then said sorry for being taken aback, she has no issue at all with questions and agreed they were entirely valid, but felt put on the spot which was not her ‘comfort zone’. She laughed and said ‘that’s why I work for myself- I’m so bad in interviews!’

She was incredibly polite and supportive and explained that at this level she would be concentrating on basic musical fundamentals (I think she mentioned pulse, rhythm and pitch?) as well as just concentrating on posture and bow hold initially, she also said the lessons should be fun and relaxed and my daughter seemed really enthusiastic- she was very polite about her and said she was bright and responsive!

We chatted for about 10 minutes- and agreed to ‘see how it goes’, I have promised to not interfere and support my daughter with her practise.

just about to collect her from school, I can’t wait to tell her. I’m so incredibly lucky and have learned from this experience to do less talking and more listening in future.

Well done @DesperateSusans !
I'm so glad it worked out this way for you and your daughter and her teacher.

I hope your Daughter enjoys her lessons.

You sound a thoughtful and empathetic person to have taken stuff on board and learned from this...

{I too can speak before I think sometimes ..Very few of us a perfect in this regard } 👍

Hyppogriff · 01/03/2024 22:42

You obviously didn’t make a very good impression!!

oakleaffy · 01/03/2024 22:44

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/03/2024 20:51

I'm really glad you've managed to sort it out!

As for what she told you about her approach with beginners - that's spot on.

In terms of you wanting ABRSM, I was very rigid with that too, however, I've since learned that some students are better suited to Trinity. But as others have said, some do no exams and just take their grade 8. I know someone who's 9 year old had never done an exam, then took his Grade 8 violin aged 9 and got a distinction. He'll end up as a professional as he's a natural and is winning lots of competitions and festivals.

When I listened to some Suzuki Violin students {school age to college age} I was blown away by their 'feel' for their instrument-

Violin is not an 'easy' instrument to master, but these young students really did well. {Edit...it was easy to see how some could go on to become professional musicians should they want to}

Jcf1977 · 01/03/2024 23:13

DesperateSusans · 29/02/2024 17:38

But I don’t see what’s wrong with my approach. I think it’s relevant to ask about someone’s qualifications, experience, enhanced DRB check, insurance and times to get to grades. What’s wrong with that?

Ok. Here is the real reason. She teaches in schools so obviously is DBS checked, she is clearly busy so very good at her job (regardless of qualifications…) Your kid hasn’t decided if she likes the instrument or music or whether she will be bothered to practice and you are already asking about grades. This is what she has a problem with. At the end of the day she is more qualified than you to teach your kid violin, if she likes it, practices well without a battle and comes home with some music you can bear to listen to, then you can ask about grades, but this teacher knows that over half her students won’t make it to grade 1 because the parents think that half an hour will make a concert violinist and listening to and making child do practice is really boring and you need earplugs and a plastered on grin. People are always surprised when service providers choose not to offer their service but experience has told her you are not for her. And she’s clearly busy enough and good enough to be able to pick and choose. Good luck finding the next best teacher in town.

Imjustagirl1 · 01/03/2024 23:23

DesperateSusans · 29/02/2024 17:38

But I don’t see what’s wrong with my approach. I think it’s relevant to ask about someone’s qualifications, experience, enhanced DRB check, insurance and times to get to grades. What’s wrong with that?

If your DDs school recommended her surely they’d have checked all her qualifications and experience? Otherwise they wouldn’t have recommended her?

MyPearlDuck · 01/03/2024 23:31

I am a private tutor and would completely side with the violin teacher in this scenario. The vast majority of clients come to me via recommendation and are polite and grateful to be offered a slot, if I have one available. If the teacher is well known and respected in the local area, the parent should have approached her as such, not with a slew of questions about qualifications and the like! I assume the teacher is busy and in demand and simply doesn’t need the hassle.

SparklyOwls · 02/03/2024 00:12

Glad you got it sorted in the end, but the teacher did make an unnecessary performance in the first place over it all. She should have just answered and got on with the lesson. End of.

Catsmere · 02/03/2024 00:47

betterangels · 29/02/2024 17:37

Which is why you look at their website first and ask any additional questions. It's weird that you didn't do that.

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Makes me wonder if she thought "Parent doesn't do basic prep (reading the website that has these answers) so it's odds-on child won't either. Not worth the hassle!"

Hoistupthemainsail · 02/03/2024 00:53

MyPearlDuck · 01/03/2024 23:31

I am a private tutor and would completely side with the violin teacher in this scenario. The vast majority of clients come to me via recommendation and are polite and grateful to be offered a slot, if I have one available. If the teacher is well known and respected in the local area, the parent should have approached her as such, not with a slew of questions about qualifications and the like! I assume the teacher is busy and in demand and simply doesn’t need the hassle.

Rubbish, I'm also a qualified professional and music teacher (and well respected). A 7yo and new parent who have no background in music may not know that or anything about me. I also respect my students and happy to answer questions about my experience.

AlwaysNonStop · 02/03/2024 00:58

When someone who does this for a living is actively turning her income away it’s because you throw up red flags all over the place. You need to work on your communication skills because you’ve clearly come across as someone who would be a very high maintenance client and not worth the headache

Noglitterallowed · 02/03/2024 01:14

DesperateSusans · 29/02/2024 17:38

But I don’t see what’s wrong with my approach. I think it’s relevant to ask about someone’s qualifications, experience, enhanced DRB check, insurance and times to get to grades. What’s wrong with that?

You didn’t ask all those questions after the first lesson??

you’d at least enquire and check these things before your child had a lesson with them and also that’s a lot to throw at someone in one go so yeah I agree with her I’d absolutely run a mile from you

slore · 02/03/2024 05:13

I'm so glad for you and your daughter, this is the perfect update!

It's really good that you and the teacher were both able to recognize where you went wrong and apologise.

ETA, I see that many posters are still gleefully sticking the boot in, despite you having successfully resolved the situation.

Ignore the other posters, your social skills can't be that bad if you managed to sort out such an awkward and upsetting situation, AND get the teacher to apologise for her part in it!

Everybody makes mistakes. It was a mild faux pas on the scale of things, and you were unfortunate that the teacher was over-sensitive.

Tatonka · 02/03/2024 05:14

Catsmere · 02/03/2024 00:47

Makes me wonder if she thought "Parent doesn't do basic prep (reading the website that has these answers) so it's odds-on child won't either. Not worth the hassle!"

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Totally this

CoffeeCantata · 02/03/2024 06:56

I used to work with music teachers and the bane of their lives was difficult parents with crazy expectations - often wanting a 'consultation' with them after every lesson, for free.

You probably came over as being of this type. Put it down to experience and approach things differently next time would be my advice.

Mugaloaf · 02/03/2024 07:18

You were asking questions to decide whether or not she was the right fit...she also has that choice.

You were questioning her about the info on her website, so she probably felt that you didn't believe her. Would the school employ someone without a DBS check?

letsaveabrew · 02/03/2024 07:32

The schools will have vetted her and she must have current DBS . She’s been successful in teaching music , you are new to the area . You should have trusted the school and looked at her website . As others have said, DD is only 7 !!

oakleaffy · 02/03/2024 07:40

AlwaysNonStop · 02/03/2024 00:58

When someone who does this for a living is actively turning her income away it’s because you throw up red flags all over the place. You need to work on your communication skills because you’ve clearly come across as someone who would be a very high maintenance client and not worth the headache

Did you not read op's update?!

Willmafrockfit · 02/03/2024 08:07

excellent update @DesperateSusans

Zyq · 02/03/2024 08:13

Keeper11 · 01/03/2024 19:39

OP - umpteen people have explained to you why the teacher decided she didn’t want to teach your DD, but still you don’t get it! I think that says it all!

Why on earth would you post this sort of thing without bothering to read all the OP's posts? Really bizarre.