AIBU - violin teacher dumped us on the first lesson

[DesperateSusans]

We are new to the area. My daughter (age 7) desperately wants to learn the violin. We asked at her new school and they gave us the information about the local violin teacher who teaches in the local schools and privately.

we contacted the teacher and arranged the lesson. Everything went really well, DD loved it and the teacher was great with us.

I have since received a text message from the teacher which I am confused about.

something along the lines of - great to meet you earlier, on reflection I think a different teacher may be more suited to working with DD. I immediately asked her what she meant. She then went on to say that she felt uncomfortable about the amount of questions I asked with regards to her qualifications, experience and teaching methods and made her feel uncomfortable! Apparently all of this is on her website (I hadn’t looked) and she felt like I was interviewing her!

surely this can’t be right? Isn’t it normal for parents to ask questions when they engage the services of a private tutor?

That’s great OP. She sounds like a great teacher in terms of her approach. At the end of the day, what is needed is a click in the teacher/student relationship and qualifications don’t really matter that much.

Well done op, that can’t have been the easiest situation to find yourself in but it sounds like you handled it brilliantly & got the best outcome for your daughter to boot! 😊

That’s a great update OP ! Well done for approaching this opportunity so well . Hope it goes well

That’s fabulous OP. Well done.

Brilliant news OP.

I hope your DD has many happy years of music making.

Do you send your kids to school? Do you grill all the teachers, cleaning staff and assistants? I mean you're sending your kid to spend the day with all these strangers.

'I can't see what I did wrong.'
Therein lies the problem.

All of those staff have their appropriate employment checks done by they're employer. It's not the same at all.

You came across as over bearing. I didn’t ask any of those questions when my two took up music lessons because I knew the school used them and would have done checks. I also knew friends who had used both which helped.

I have a friend who had a similar experience recently after asking a ridiculous amount of questions (not a violin teacher). She got blocked! There is a fine line between normal curiosity/fact finding and coming across as hard-work. You need to work on your approach and maybe do some research first so you don’t feel the need to interrogate the next one.

@DesperateSusans

Glad to hear it's worked out and I think see how it goes is entirely the right approach.

Your daughter is interested in violin just now but a few months in she might not like it and you will move onto something else. Or it may stick and she might really enjoy it. You won't know until some time passes.

Glad there is a positive outcome and although it's been uncomfortable for you, you can take away some lessons yourself about how to navigate the world of kids clubs and activities. Like I said in my last post it is a bit of a parent politics game I've found.

Good luck and hope your daughter enjoys her lessons.

Ok, I am a retired violin teacher and my son is a professional cellist who teaches at a couple of private schools.
1, No instrumental teacher can teach in a school in the UK without a clean enhanced DBS check.
2, Her qualifications are on her website. Do your research and don't waste her time. Had your daughter already had the agreed allocated time with the teacher and, if so, did you pay extra to interrogate her after the fact?
3, Time taken to get to grades is an immediate red flag. True musicians are interested in teaching the instrument, not notching up grades. It's perfectly possible to have grade 8 on your instrument and still get rejected from academies. Likewise people audition without ABRSM grade 8 and are granted entrance. = Non musical, pushy parent.
4, Supply and demand, there are few enough good teachers available. Nobody will take on a potentially high maintenance parent unless the child proves to be startlingly talented. And even then...

I don’t disagree with this but just to add a slightly different perspective in that sadly, esp in the independent school system, the senior schools application process puts a lot of emphasis on “ having grades” to demonstrate ability and aptitude. I come from a musical family ( Dh’ s grandmother, two of my great aunts were all music teachers and one of my grandmothers could have been) so we definitely appreciate music fwiw rather than being “non musical pushy parents. “ However, my dcs have done exams simply because in trying to find the “ right fit “ for them at senior school, frustratingly they have to have something tangible to put in their applications. I hate the system: but as I have musical children, I don’t want that to go unrecognised but to be picked up in that senior school selection process to give them a chance at the schools that will nurture it. So some of us are driven into into that approach by the system more than our personal beliefs. Please don’t judge us all for seeing the value of an exam!

But you know she worked with schools so would def be qualified and would have the DRB check so why ask? And why not look at the website? I think the teacher dodged a bullet!

Very glad to read your update, OP, glad you both sorted it out so well. :)

Great outcome! Hope you daughter enjoys learning. First few years can be quite squeaky! 🙂

Agree with this wholeheartedly @GiantPigeon . Parenting is very political at all levels, best be diplomatic always to ensure the best for your child.
An unpopular but very true opinion.

Gracious of you to explain and listen. Clearly it worked
Nice outcome. The teacher is correct, start with enjoyment and see what progresses

You are very lucky OP

So as not to be that parent and a further complete PITA

Do not sit in on any more lessons

Just let you poor DD get in with it without you in the background

In DS t if you insist on sitting in on future lessons that teacher will drop your DD line a hot potato

Poor violin teacher then.

Some teachers prefer to have a parent sit in so you can support practice. Particularly those who teach littler ones.

Yes one of ours does prefer parents to stay … She often turns to me and makes me come and look where she’s marked some dynamics or similar

Well you could be. Telling me to 'join the human race'. Aggressive and insulting.