DH always really angry when I'm unwell?

[Ohffffssssss]

Hi, been married to DH for 14 years, 2 primary age DC. I have chills, a fever, and my whole body is aching. Probably just a cold but I feel terrible. I am usually stoic & just get on with things but since DC are at school (dressed, fed & taken by me) I've decided to lie on the couch under a few blankets & try to stop the shivering. DH is a nightshift worker so to avoid waking him I only dome a quick clean with bleach etc & didn't do the dishes or hoover. I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee but too poorly so cancelled. Since he got up he has looked at me with absolute disgust, not asked if I'm okay or even cracked a smile. Instead he came storming in to tell me had a nosebleed. I'll admit I was less than enthusiastic but said oh that's wierd. He has then starting throwing things around, swearing, throwing DCs shoes in their rooms & told me our hoover is fucking useless. Why do some men behave like this!? Its made me so uncomfortable I genuinely nearly cried. He behaves this way every single time I'm unwell or he deems I don't tidy properly etc. I actually work full time however this is my allocated day off this week. He also ruins any special event like DDs birthday/nights out - anything that's not about him really. If I felt better I would just leave in the car but I can hardly even stand up. So upset & confused by this repeated behaviour.

He sounds like a narcissist.

Not all men. He sounds vile.

Well, this is a good time to use NAMLT! He sounds thoroughly unpleasant and unsympathetic. Sorry you are unwell - you deserve better than this.

That's a really horrible way for him to behave. He seems to think you are ill on purpose, to spite him. And it's your day off - if you want to lie on the sofa then you should be able to.

Well, of course he’s going to be grumpy: his domestic appliance is malfunctioning.

This isn’t the way someone who loves you would behave. It isn’t even the way someone who likes you slightly would behave. He does not care about you at all.

Thats absolutely heartbreaking.

You're supposed to be one of the most important and treasured people in his entire life. He's supposed to care that you are ill and do things to help you recover. Think about that.

Honestly I don't know why you stay with him? He sounds cruel.

"So upset & confused by this repeated behaviour."

He doesn't like you. Or your children. Or any women.

Get out, fuck staying for money/the kids/the house. Just file for divorce and enjoy your life without him.

My ex did exactly this too. That's why he's an ex. Classic narcissistic behaviour. If it isn't about him he doesn't like it and has to be some attention back on him, which is probably the reason for his hissy fits.

He sounds like an arsehole. Hope you are feeling better soon. 🌼

He sounds like an arsehole. Hope you are feeling better soon. 🌼

It's like he can't handle not being centre of attention & lashes out. I can't go for a proper nap as waiting for gas engineer so just dozing & to make sure he doesn't inadvertently help me in anyway he's gone for a shower so I'll need to deal with them. I feel so drained by this & a part of me thinks its abusive. I'm not scared of him physically but I feel on edge when he is here & in a bad mood. He will also get out of his mood & expect everyone to then welcome him with open arms & be jolly - which I absolutely cannot do. I feel disgusted every time he behaves like this.

Such a shame you didn't cause the nosebleed...

Why on earth are you still with him?

In the eyes of not so „D” H you’re a home appliance. You’re not supposed to be malfunctioning causing him to pull his finger out.

Wishing you speedy recovery OP, when you feel better have very serious words with him and tell him it’s not on.

This is less about “some men behaving like this” and more about your husband’s emotionally abusive behavior. Is this what you want your children to see as normal? Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?

Do your best to rest and get better, and then I’d start seriously thinking about leaving the marriage.

He sounds horrible OP. Why are you with him? There is no amount of being nice the rest of the time, that can make up for this shit. I'd be worried for the future, what happens when you're both old and have inevitable health issues, how can you call it a marriage when you can't rely on the other person for support at your lowest points?

You're not alone, my friends H is like this. Ruins every special occasion by causing arguments and getting in moods, hates any attention being on my friend. Controlling behaviour definitely.

This sounds like an awful environment to be in. What’s the reason why you allow yourself to be treated this way? Put yourself first.

He doesn’t care about you op - you are a basically a live-in nanny, housekeeper and fluffer.

Why subject yourself to this and give the kids poor role modelling?

Get well soon. And then see a lawyer.

I struggle to find any redeeming features lately to be honest but I just feel so worn down & exhausted by it. A PP was right in that he behaves as if I've been spiteful on purpose. To be honest this is one of many issues but it's so unbelievable to me that I can't get my head round it. What kind of person shouts, throws things & insults their unwell wife? In his defence he has very rarely behaved like this in front of the kids & I do shield them from it but they do comment daddy's in a bad mood etc. It's the venom that he has for me that kills. As an aside we also haven't had sex for over 2 months & I'm hoping he will leave me for someone else.

My father was like this. It's a horrible environment to grow up in. My dm made every excuse for his awful & cruel behaviour.

He won't leave you for someone else. He enjoys being horrible to you too much, plus no-one else would put up with it.

This.
You are a mere domestic appliance to him and he is angry because you are malfunctioning, ie not doing the domestic work not bowing and scraping to his needs.
This is a BAD MAN and you should start making a plan to be free of him.

This one is quite simple. He behaves this way because he doesn't like you. And if he doesn't like you, he certainly can't love you. Don't wait for him to leave, take the initiative. You can do this.