DH always really angry when I'm unwell?

[Ohffffssssss]

Hi, been married to DH for 14 years, 2 primary age DC. I have chills, a fever, and my whole body is aching. Probably just a cold but I feel terrible. I am usually stoic & just get on with things but since DC are at school (dressed, fed & taken by me) I've decided to lie on the couch under a few blankets & try to stop the shivering. DH is a nightshift worker so to avoid waking him I only dome a quick clean with bleach etc & didn't do the dishes or hoover. I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee but too poorly so cancelled. Since he got up he has looked at me with absolute disgust, not asked if I'm okay or even cracked a smile. Instead he came storming in to tell me had a nosebleed. I'll admit I was less than enthusiastic but said oh that's wierd. He has then starting throwing things around, swearing, throwing DCs shoes in their rooms & told me our hoover is fucking useless. Why do some men behave like this!? Its made me so uncomfortable I genuinely nearly cried. He behaves this way every single time I'm unwell or he deems I don't tidy properly etc. I actually work full time however this is my allocated day off this week. He also ruins any special event like DDs birthday/nights out - anything that's not about him really. If I felt better I would just leave in the car but I can hardly even stand up. So upset & confused by this repeated behaviour.

I have read all of your posts and I dont see any good enough reason for you to wait to leave him. Your situation sounds incredibly toxic and abusivr and will only continue to get worse. Your children will thank you more for leaving sooner rather than waiting and all of you having to live in such a miserable situation for years to come. From what you said i cant imagine he will be able to 'cope' with having the children on a regular basis so dont base your decision to stick it out on just that. You need to dig deep and find the strength to get out asap you will look back and be so thankful you did. Good luck.

This in a nutshell, I’ve been married for years, your DHs behaviour is not normal or acceptable

Diary of a CEO podcast today is about narcissists. I haven’t listened yet, but the people he has on are always academics on whichever subject, could be informative. I feel like when dealing with a narc, you have to educate yourself to be able to get out, as they operate to their own particular set of rules. One thing you’ll need to understand is that it is pathological and not fixable, but there are strong common threads with all narcs, and you can begin to learn how they operate.

Get your kids out - they need to know what’s unacceptable in relationships. When you understand how narcs work, you’ll realise that once you show him you don’t care anymore, he won’t even want the kids around. That sounds awful but once you learn the narc pathology, it’ll make sense.

Most of them are ba*tards, one way or another.
It's hard, but that's reality.
Look around yourselves, please - who are the most relaxed, happy women?
Retired, widowed, (after some time, obviously), child free.
SINGLE.
😊
Btw., I'm not one of them.

He's a Bad Man and your kids will be damaged in multiple ways by living with him.

I know you don’t want to listen but this is damaging your children’s childhood. All the time you stay with him, your children are suffering too.

This can’t go on indefinitely. He has to leave and not in a few years time, but now.

You've misunderstand the meaning of my post. I haven't said daflerken said she didn't love her husband.

My reference was to her not being a loved one. A loved one is someone who is loved by someone else, in this case her DH. Her DH doesn't love her, just sees her as a useful support human, the function of which is to make his life better. When she's ill, she's not fulfilling her function, hence his rage. If Alexa could actually do all the washing up, cooking, laundry etc., men like this would be better off living with Alexa because they wouldn't have to consider the support machine's inconvenient feelings and needs.

Is that clearer?

can confirm I do love DH

Sorry, I'm not trying to rub it in or anything like that but just making a point... my husband is not like this at all. He takes care of me when I'm ill. So not all men are like this.
You need to get rid and find someone who values you!

Health issues do increase with age of course.Stats show this but they are not absolutely inevitable.You will be ill if you don't leave him tho

My honest advice, don't wait until your children are older to tell this narcissistic man to leave. His behaviour will not get any better and as the children get older, they'll be more aware. Hope you feel better soon.

Because he is abusive. He won't change.

This isn't just anecdotal either. The happiest group of people is proven to be single women. And women initiate 70% of all divorces. No, all men aren't like this, but lots of them are.

You've married a dickhead, a narcissist and a vile piece of shit.

Get your shit together, get your kids together and get out of there.

The kids are already noticing 'daddy's moods' and he will give them the same miserable existence he gives you. No human, small or adult deserves, needs or signs up for that.

He will not change.

You need to be the change you & your kids need.

Exactly, was going to say the same...

I've never ever said this on here but leave him

Oh OP I’m surprised youve stayed so long, but it’s pretty insidious and leaves you confused a lot of the time. Classic narc behaviour and it doesn’t get better, just imagine, God forbid, if you took chronically unwell? Make like a banana OP..

Oh yes this for sure, OP don’t disregard this kind of emotional abuse, being constantly on edge and trying to avoid them blowing up wrecks your body, physically, it can and will make you ill in the end.

Wouldn't it be better to force him on the kids every weekend, rather than force him on the kids seven days a week ?

As if he would have the children every weekend anyway !

Leave, give your children and yourself a better life - now.

I know how you feel, sounds similar to me x

Life is too short to tolerate this awful man. I'd be making plans to leave ASAP. It will be an immense relief.

This is your life! Get out! Don't waste a single day more! Your children are at an age where they see, hear and understand so so much more than you seem to realise. I don't know what your reason is for staying till they're older. I can't think of any reason that there isn't an answer for. Get out as fast as you can and protect yourself and your kids. You won't regret it for a moment.

Not all men are like him . He is being a child ignore him