DH always really angry when I'm unwell?

[Ohffffssssss]

Hi, been married to DH for 14 years, 2 primary age DC. I have chills, a fever, and my whole body is aching. Probably just a cold but I feel terrible. I am usually stoic & just get on with things but since DC are at school (dressed, fed & taken by me) I've decided to lie on the couch under a few blankets & try to stop the shivering. DH is a nightshift worker so to avoid waking him I only dome a quick clean with bleach etc & didn't do the dishes or hoover. I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee but too poorly so cancelled. Since he got up he has looked at me with absolute disgust, not asked if I'm okay or even cracked a smile. Instead he came storming in to tell me had a nosebleed. I'll admit I was less than enthusiastic but said oh that's wierd. He has then starting throwing things around, swearing, throwing DCs shoes in their rooms & told me our hoover is fucking useless. Why do some men behave like this!? Its made me so uncomfortable I genuinely nearly cried. He behaves this way every single time I'm unwell or he deems I don't tidy properly etc. I actually work full time however this is my allocated day off this week. He also ruins any special event like DDs birthday/nights out - anything that's not about him really. If I felt better I would just leave in the car but I can hardly even stand up. So upset & confused by this repeated behaviour.

He behaves this way every single time I'm unwell or he deems I don't tidy properly etc. I actually work full time however this is my allocated day off this week. He also ruins any special event like DDs birthday/nights out - anything that's not about him really.

Narcissist who genuinely can't stand it when it isn't all about him.

You do have him sussed, you're not wrong, and now you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like this. And allowing him to model this behaviour to your children full time.

I wouldn't.

Leave him. He sounds awful.

You said no sex for 2 months you are hoping he meets someone else and leaves

Really?

What is NAMLT? Sorry to bother you, but I'm curious to find out

“Not all men are like that.”

Not all men are like this :)

"The hashtag #NotAllMen is a feminist Internet meme. A shortening of the phrase "not all men are like that", sometimes abbreviated "NAMALT", it is a satirical parody of arguments used to deflect attention away from men in discussions of sexual assault, the gender pay gap, and other feminist issues."

Thank you

Thank you so much

I don't usually like to say my husband isn't like this, because it can sound like bragging and does nothing but make the OP feel worse. However in this instance I think OP, and those other posters whose husbands are the same, need to know, that NO not all men are like this at all.

My DH has his faults, of course, but when I am ill he takes exceptional care of me, and makes sure that I get all the rest I need. He will make food just for me and for us all, set me up with things to watch if I'm awake, go to the shop and buy me little things that he thinks might help me to get better. Such as - nice juices, hot and sour soup, any medication that we don't have in etc. He will periodically check in on me throughout the day. He will take over any cleaning that still needs to be done, and doesn't expect anything of me until I am better.

So no not all men are selfish arseholes when their wife is sick. Please think seriously on how he treats you, because as we get older we are only going to become sick more frequent.

Big hugs OP.

Typical narc behaviour. You are no use to him when you are sick and he resents having to step up. Hes a horrible
Hope you get better soon x

He also ruins any special event like DDs birthday/nights out - anything that's not about him really.

Why are you still with him? Your poor dc.

OP I would recommend the Freedom Programme run by women's aid. You are deeply confused to the extent that you feel insane. That's part of the abuse and deeply damaging.

My ex would be abusive in the way you detail but then claim he loved me and was one of the good guys. The behaviour and words contradicted each other. Mind fuck.

I only say I love someone if I actually do. He says he loves someone to manipulate.

I used to hope he would have an affair and leave me (in reality he had affairs but stayed) because I knew I didn't love him but felt trapped. I didn't know how to leave him without provoking anger - x 100 to when I was too sick to perform my duties.

Then I hoped I would die. I even tried to exacerbate my death it felt so worthless. Then I thought about my kids. Then I did the FP. Then I left him.

He still is upset that I chose to leave him (for no reason) and thinks it's sad. It's all my fault because I didn't love him and he is the victim. I am dancing with joy.

OP have you made attempts to speak to him about his behaviour and its impact on you and subsequently your marriage? If so how did he respond?

I hope you feel better! You are more than entitled to a day under a blanket when you feel like shit! The very least he can do is not be an absolute arse about it!

Why do they behave like this?
Because they are major d*ckheads.
I'm sorry, OP. It's tough when you don't feel well
and have kids to look after.
My husband is a bit slow to react, but doesn't get angry. Mind you, there are three decades age difference between us.😊
Next time your husband is unwell, behave the same way.
☕💐

Bo**ocks. Most are.

Oh, sorry, didn't realise you were explaining NAMALT.
😁

He sees you as a household appliance that is no longer functioning.

You think you're being abused?

Definitely Take a look...

Make sure you're not being tracked online too.

He is !
It’s a running theme on here . Female posts about something , readers comment and then the rest spills out.

@Ohffffssssss

It sounds like a dick head move to show his displeasure of you not focusing as much of your attention on him,

He is Arsehole, a shithead,

I bet when he is ill or even when he is not,

you are expected have to be fully present for all his needs wants foibles ect,

He treats you more like your his psudeo mother figure, and house maid ect

It's like you were a currently a real handy house hold appliance that's malfunctioning at the moment and he is really royal pissed off with you,

He doesn't really care about you at all

Immature man child

Look into seriously exploring how to ditch this allbrotress of a man child around your neck that's weighing you emotionally down and holding you back in life,

Life's too short for this kind of crap 😕

Loath this kind of man child Arsehole abusive behaviour with such an extant of intensity...

He sounds like an uncaring arsehole

I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly

I've been ill all week and my husband has got up with our 3 children eveey morning to let me sleep and then the moment he's home from work he's sent me back to bed to rest.

If he behaved like your husband I'd show him the door, there's no love or respect

Umm, I don’t currently know any men like this! Not my DH, or any male relatives. The only man remotely like this was the abusive twat my mum was with when I was aged 10 until 13. We left him with help from the Local Authority because he was abusive. It still hurts thinking back to what he was like to live with.

This behaviour is not normal. Please seek help. This will be damaging your children even if he tries to hide it around them.

My ex was like this. Once I had the audacity to be ill on the first day of our holiday. He threw the biggest sulk about me “ruining the holiday”, dragged me around a full day out sightseeing and complained because I wasn’t enthusiastic.

This extended to other areas of life too. Any time I went out (which was rare) with my friends it was “why do you have to stay out late?”, “why can’t you just drive and be home by 10?”. Anytime we did anything with my family he would start making comments about it being time to leave after about an hour. He wouldn’t say anything, but he expected me to, and if I didn’t he would get pissy.

narcissistic man-baby

This upset he is creating is at your childrens events. It is impacting them. Once you get better and get some self esteem from somewhere work towards slowly ending this marriage....paperwork, finances, speak to a solicitor to cover all bases. This is no way to be treated. By the way, the meanness should not be "balanced" with any "good " behaviour. You may feel powerless at the moment but you can regain it as you make plans. If he says he threatens suicide phone the police when u make him aware it is over as he will try manipulative tactics like this to control you. Good luck.