Aibu to say this is theft?

[purplehatandscarf]

I have two DDs, 19 and 13. Dd19 lives away at university and dd13 lives at home with me and dh.

When DD19 went back to halls after Christmas, she called me very upset saying a lot of her new clothes somehow haven’t made it home with her, but she is sure she packed them. She drove back alone so no chance of someone else stealing her things en route.

She was very upset. She works alongside her studies and had bought herself nice clothes to wear and had been given a couple of dresses for Christmas from her nanna who lives in Spain.

This week, DD13 has appeared on TikTok doing a fashion show wearing her sister’s clothes, the ones that had gone missing from her case. She had ripped a couple of the tops at the front to give them a tie knot and turn them into crop tops. She confessed to sneaking into her sister’s room, opening her case and grabbing a handful of clothes before zipping it shut again.

I say this is theft and more than just innocent stealing a top here and there from your sibling, but DH disagrees and says this is exactly what happens with siblings.

Aibu to say this is stealing and DD13 needs to be punished? If so what punishment would you reccomend?

That’s not like for like? Don’t think you understood what I was saying.

I’d be angry at the younger one for taking and altering / cutting her sisters clothes .
I would expect the younger sister to replace the ruined clothes and return the intact clothes.
If she’s got to use her Christmas money or savings then that’s her fault and she learns to ask before borrowing

She needs to replace the clothes, and to be made aware if this was done outside the household she would be dealing with the police. It's completely unacceptable.

If your husband is seriously ok about your only just teenage daughter stealing outfits chosen and worn by university student daughter - making them MORE flimsy ( ripping them) and then parading for likes on social media , unless he’s phenomenally naive, he’s a big part of the problem. You both need to look at her tik tok account ; have an extremely serious discussion with her, and definitely ensure she apologises and makes reparation (and then some) to her sister - who not only was without the wardrobe she’d planned and paid for , but no doubt was extremely stressed and anxious about it. Your younger one sounds like she has baby of the family syndrome and is getting away with murder! As others have said - she will end up being the uni student who thinks it’s fine to nick food etc. unless you act now. That’s what parenting is about. Husband seriously needs to step up.

Its theft youre older daughter bought the clothes with her hard earned money. The younger one should replace them

Sorry but at 13 she should know better!! I’m assuming she gets pocket money of sorts or has savings by this age and she’d be debuting the clothes she stole for her sister and wouldn’t get to keep the items she took either! I grew up as 1 of 4 and this is not normal sibling behaviour !! If I’d done this to my older sister I’d have been in so much trouble!!
Your husband is wrong… wonder how he’d feel if she took and destroyed something he’s just bought!!

If she doesn't know why this is wrong by the age of 13, there's a severe problem here.

Yes, let’s use this as an opportunity to castigate the op’s parenting - point made, such things would never happen in your disciplined, wholly age appropriate household 🙄

What she did was vile. She is 13, she was sneaky and mean.
Of course she needs to be punished. Parents don't enjoy punishing their children.