Affair and left penniless

[Newchapterbeckons]

Please advise. My sister is with me now, her partner of 20 years has just left her and the children for another woman.

They live in a house jointly owned, but my sister has no other assets or savings, she hasn’t worked for nearly two decades as she supported him and raised their dc. Four children aged 13-19.

He has moved out, and has put the house on the market, she is shell shocked and inconsolable. What happens now? He has threatened to cut her off and stop paying for food, petrol and bills. Can he do that?

We had no idea he controlled all of the money in this way. She is devastated. What can I do to support her?

She has no money for legal advice, but has had the free hour.

For 15 years we have asked her to get married for this very reason, and he refused. Can anyone advise what she can do.

I’m sorry your sister is going through this.

When you say jointly owned do you mean as ‘joint tenants’? In which case she’s entitled to half the proceeds even if she’s never paid towards the mortgage or bills.

I’m very sorry for your sister. Yes, she should have made sure she was in a better position financially.. but too late now, she needs to deal with today. You say she at least owns half the house, so she’ll get her split of the sale, plus she needs to claim CMS for the kids under 18 or still in education. What did the lawyer say when she had her meeting? Can she speak to citizens advice about benefits? The council about housing?

What happens now?

The house sells, she gets her half as it's jointly owned, and can use that to put towards rent / savings. She needs to get a job ASAP, any job really.

He has threatened to cut her off and stop paying for food, petrol and bills. Can he do that?

Of course he can. The only thing he will be obligated to pay is child support, and it would be the same even if they were married (although if they were married, you'd argue over the division of assets in court of course). I'd get your sister to apply to the CMS as soon as possible.

There is nothing else she can do about any of the money. She has no right to anything except that which is in her name, like half of the house. I am presuming the solicitors told you the same. You could spend time going down that avenue but you may find you'll spend more on legal fees than you'd ever get from him, so I'd tread carefully.

It is a truly shit situation. But for the sake of her children she needs to find herself a job, use the time staying in the house until it's sold to find somewhere to rent, and then use the proceeds from the house wisely for savings / maybe a mortgage deposit in future.

She has checked and she is on the deeds. He accepts she will have half it seems.

She needs to open a claim for UC and then look for a job ASAP to start supporting herself.

She will be entitled to half the house and child maintenance.

Thats fine then, she needs to get a Job, pick herself up and get child maintenance going ASAP. And realise she has the rest of her life free of this massive twat.

They have been warned the house could take ages to sell, what happens if he doesn’t continue to pay the bills? He has said he is not giving her a penny more than half the house, she says she can always refuse to sell.

So she’s still in the house and he’s moved out?

she needs to get down the job centre pronto.

Is she entitled to benefits? Even though she is named on the house? She is in no fit state to work atm, she is in bits and hasn’t eaten or slept in 3 weeks plus.

If he doesn't continue to pay the mortgage then the house will eventually be repossessed but that won't be in his interest.

Sorry but she needs to claim benefits and find a job

It’s a nightmare. She seems very unstable and I am so worried about her.

Yes she will be entitled to JSA universal credits - I’m not up on the new system, but she will have to prove she’s looking for work.

If the house is jointly owned then she’s entitled to half of the equity in that once it sells.

Any other joint saving accounts, she should get her share out immediately.

Has he agreed what he’s going to pay in child maintenance- if not she should confirm that and if necessary get CMS involved.

She may also be entitled to benefits- she should start applying for those asap as they take a while to come through.

But in her position I would be getting any job in the short term and thinking about how I intend to live for the next 10/ 20 years- so thinking about retraining, my former career- basically any life where she can support herself and if necessary the kids herself. He sounds like he’s already playing dirty so to try to change his mind or make plans which rely on him being a decent person would be foolish.

Yes. She won't be able to claim housing costs but she will be able to get UC for the children under 18.

I am afraid the jobcentre will expect her to start seeking work immediately with children that age. They're not sympathetic. If she really is too unfit to work she will need to get a doctor's note.

She will need to pull herself together and get a job, get UC claim, if there's no health reasons, she is expected to work. It's a terrible shock but she can't be sitting a bit crying for weeks, she needs to get organised and help herself.

I feel like everyone’s missing the point about the children she is supposedly supporting alone now. Benefits don’t just appear immediately. If he has left the house and is refusing to give her a penny then does she have savings to see her through whilst waiting for her claim to be processed? Is he saying he won’t pay any bills at all?

If the bills aren't paid by your sister or her ex then there's the risk of bailiffs / utilities being cut off. The usual things that happen when bills aren't paid. If he's not paying the mortgage, there's a risk the house would be repossessed, although as a PP has said that wouldn't be in his interest.

Assuming he is no longer living there and it's your sister in the house, she needs to find a job to pay the bills.

You could check entitledto to see if she can claim any benefits, but as she owns half a house this may be limited.

Unfortunately even in the face of emotional turmoil she will have to find a way to support herself.
she won’t get much on UC and as a homeowner it will be limited.

You have to push her not to put her head in the sand and ignore the inevitable. I doubt she can afford a bit of therapy to help her through this bad patch. So maybe some podcasts/youtube, because things are happening around her wether she likes it or not.

she has four kids, 3 weeks has passed now is the time for action.

If she’s still in the house, she could try to contact the mortgage company and ask for a repayment holiday, or just to pay interest. But if they refuse and if she’s not going to be able to afford the repayments it’s probably better to get it sold asap rather than have it repossessed. Has she an idea of how much equity there will be? If not get her own valuation. She may find it useful to look at things like shared ownership etc in the area.

This is a woman who may very well be suicidal. Her mental health is in the toilet. It’s not a case of dust yourself off and get a job.

I have dropped food over to her, and I am shocked. She has completely fallen apart. She hasn’t cleaned anything or even opening the curtains. The cat hasn’t even been fed. She said she is suicidal and can’t cope.

Meanwhile dp has taken the other woman on holiday! Apparently liaising with estate agents remotely and telling my sister to tidy up for viewings! I am struggling to keep a lid on my own anger.

I can try and get her to the job centre. How long does it usually take?

It takes 5 weeks from the start of the claim to receive the money, so the sooner done the better. I don't know your financial position but are you able to loan her any money for the time being? Appreciate you might not be able to.

Also contact CMS immediately and get him paying maintenance.

Legally, as they are not married he has no responsibility for her (equally, she has no responsibility for him).

So yes he can cut her off like this.

She should put in a claim through the child maintenance service for the children who are under 18.

www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/how-to-apply

She can also apply for benefits - they will expect her to look for a job.

As the house is jointly owned, when (if, in the current market) it sells she is entitled to her share. Depending on how they own it it could be 50% or if they shared it out differently via a legal agreement when they bought it, whatever that says.

She can't stop him selling the house as he can go to court to force the sale.

www.brownturnerross.com/2022/02/14/tolata-claims/

She literally has nothing. Not even a £. It looks like he has been financially abusing her for years, as she has to ask for things.
If he stops paying, they literally won’t eat. And whilst I can take food, dinners etc and look after her pets. I can’t pay all of their utilities as well for however long it will take to sell the house.