Affair and left penniless

[Newchapterbeckons]

Please advise. My sister is with me now, her partner of 20 years has just left her and the children for another woman.

They live in a house jointly owned, but my sister has no other assets or savings, she hasn’t worked for nearly two decades as she supported him and raised their dc. Four children aged 13-19.

He has moved out, and has put the house on the market, she is shell shocked and inconsolable. What happens now? He has threatened to cut her off and stop paying for food, petrol and bills. Can he do that?

We had no idea he controlled all of the money in this way. She is devastated. What can I do to support her?

She has no money for legal advice, but has had the free hour.

For 15 years we have asked her to get married for this very reason, and he refused. Can anyone advise what she can do.

“There are some very unfeeling responses on here.” amberedover1

I think if the OP was the one having the breakdown, we’d have all been more concerned with gentle words and encouragement. As it’s her sister, we need to just get practical instead of clogging up the thread with supportive words that ultimately will not help the situation.

I say this as someone who is practical by nature but, when my exh fucked off and disappeared leaving me high and dry, practicality and financial organising was what saved us financially but also mentally. OP’s sister is in extreme distress, she needs to see the GP and address this as a matter of urgency, but losing her house and her kids starving cannot be left to happen. As much as it’d be kind to let dsis have her moment and let the devastation process in peace and quiet - steps must be taken. It’s shit, and must please be a warning to anyone….. you can and will be left with all the responsibility and no rights or cash. It happens on here all the time, no amount of sympathy from strangers on the internet will penetrate the misery here, but getting shit done will help the OP to support her sister and kids. The more practical and organised this situation becomes, the more mental space dsis will have to heal from the hurt and shock.

Sorry, just to confirm she sold a flat she owned outright? And he took the proceeds?

Did he take all of those proceeds from that joint account / did she put them all in there? Or were they in an account in her name?

Please ring women's aid. They will house her and the kids everything. This is emotional domestic abuse and she has children. They will help ten fold xx

She can claim UC and get a job asap. She can't refuse to let the house be sold.

Yes she is on the deeds, and named in the mortgage thank goodness or she wouldn’t have even a single penny to her name. He can’t contest it as she hasn’t paid any of the mortgage payments? He is apparently instructing top lawyers now. He has also blocked her on every platform and told the kids this is all her fault.

1. Help her see her gp for her mental health assessment and explain how she is feeling so she can A. Get treatment B get signed off sick as unable to work.

Go with her for support if you can

1. Help her do a claim for universal credit - it will take 5 weeks to be assessed so you may have to help her financially for now.
2. You say she hasn't worked for 20 yrs and is in a bad way mentally atm so don't listen to the posters saying just go and get a job. That isn't a realistic immediate goal.
3. Her children are teens - help them to support their mum, cooking cleaning feeding the cats everyone needs to pull together as a team maybe you can organise them ?
4. Inform all the utility companies etc odf the situation regarding the bills the sooner they know the better.
5. If she is on title deeds I think she can freeze the sale the sale of the property saying that the children need a home even if she doesn't contribute to the mortgage ( I know this applies to married couples not sure if this is case if not married)

Also email the school. Let the them know the situation.

If the kids are not already on free school meals they can action that and will also be able to refer to social services. They may be able to do a food bank referral as well.

Many schools have their own in house counsellor these days as well who the kids might benefit from seeing.

My school also had a washing machine so we could wash clothes/uniform/PE kit if needed for kids.

^This they will give you / her suitable advice.

But first, get her a GP. She's in shock and needs urgent treatment!

It doesn't matter if she has paid mortgage payments or not, if they own it jointly they own it jointly.

There are circumstances where payments matter but that is usually either one owns the home but the other has been paying the mortgage or there is a separate legal agreement.

It does sound like she has been seriously financially abused and I think you need specialist advice on this, esp the sale of her flat and moving the money into his name.

Yes. He owns half the house, he wants his money out, and he's legally entitled to it. Also she clearly can't pay any outstanding mortgage anyway.

Obstructing the sale will be an own goal. He can and will take her to court to force it, where he will win and she may be required to pay his legal fees. As PP have said, it'll take quite a while for a sale to fully go through anyway. She has nothing to gain by stalling or by sticking her head in the sand. It's brutal, but her life as she knew it is over, she can't do anything to bring it back, and her only choice is to adapt.

If the bills are in his name and he stops paying then it's his credit score that's fucked.

Ring the estate agents and explain that it's a jointly owned property and they don't have her permission to sell.

Set up sole bank accounts (ideally with new banks eg so not First Direct if previously with HSBC as they are part of the same group and cannot be linked to him).

No he shouldn't be able to. The mortgage company doesn't care who pays as long as they get paid, and assuming they own the property as joint tenants and not tenants in common then she'll be entitled to her half of the equity.

Her flat was sold and used to pay off a chunk of their current mortgage a couple of years ago when he had a few lean months/year with his work ( self employed) it now seems he has moved or used the money he should have been paying towards the mortgage on their family home to save and pay for his own flat outright, he has clearly lied about his earnings so he was paying the bare minimum on their family home for years.

He has moved out to his own place! No mortgage on that. I am now worried how much equity is even in the family house, although I haven’t mentioned that to her just yet, as I don’t think she can take much more.

He cannot throw her out.

She needs to submit a claim for universal credit and council tax support /reduction benefit ASAP.

Hmm, if the proceeds from her flat went towards a property she has an interest in, I'm not sure much could be done in terms of recovering anything from him on that score. Even if he was diverting his own funds as a result. He's a slimy bastard!

He knew exactly what he was doing.
I am so so angry
My sister is the gentlest, sweetest most trustworthy person I know, she trusted him with all of her heart. They have been together since their university days. This is just unthinkable that he would do this to her and their children. I just can’t believe it myself.

Does she get the child benefit for the kids?
If not, make her apply, because even if they were over the earning limits before, she isn't now & that is a few pounds a week that would be coming in.

It will take a while before the first payment comes in, but it will be backdated so sooner done the better.

He covered his tracks because it looks like he reduced their payments for years to facilitate buying the new flat with his own money, if that makes sense, but didn’t tell her. I am so angry. As that is all she has, all she has ever had.

I’ll ask her

If she is on title deeds I think she can freeze the sale the sale of the property saying that the children need a home even if she doesn't contribute to the mortgage ( I know this applies to married couples not sure if this is case if not married)

To what end? She can't pay the mortgage; it'll go to court and he'll win, same situation as current except now she might have blown her equity on legal fees.

She'll get half of any equity when the house sells, and will need to use this to house the children, either through rent or her own mortgage.

Do they have equity in the house? Could she take a small additional mortgage/loan against her share to tide her over until she has some income? Has she got her own bank account? If so can she get a cheap agreed overdraft to help in the short term?

Edit: Or 0% credit card.

It really is a warning to everyone not to put themselves at the financial mercy of someone else. In retrospect she must feel it was a huge mistake not having some money of her own.

She had choices to be a grown up and stand on her own 2 feet, she could have opened her eyes and not be reliant on anyone

When will women actually realise they are adults too and need to act like it

Or the house'll be repossessed if she can't pay the mortgage and he doesn't. So she's homeless again plus no equity and fucked credit. If he now owns a property outright in his own name he may be willing to take the impact on his own credit rating of the house being repossessed.

I know it's not much but what about the child benefit

Did she not get that?

I can’t believe she sold her apartment and just gave him all the money.

It must feel like she has been scammed?