To join DH during his weekly father/son bonding time?

[SlightlyOCDMum]

As a word of context I love spending time with my family, going to coffee places etc. My husband usually takes our son to football on Saturday morning and after that takes him for a coffee together. He says this is "his bonding time" with him, that he only has these 30 mins per week to connect with him, and feels protective/would rather I do not join, whereas I see this as an opportunity to spend family time together. Lately I no longer ask DH and just join them directly at the coffee place. AIBU for wanting to spend time together and joining them? Or should I leave my husband having this bonding time without me?

I think it’s really important for parents to have 1:1 time with their children. So if this is the chance they get, and you have other family time, yes I think you’re being unreasonable. What happens the rest of the weekend?

Wow he has asked you not to join them and you selfishly ignore him and still do.

He's not going out for a jolly all day it's 30 mins and yet you still can't help but plonk yourself there.

Definitely leave them be. If you feel like you're missing out why don't you go to a different coffee shop with a book and have it as your me time.

Leave them have time together. It's great that your DS and DH enjoy this. Why not just join them later, for a second round of drinks?!

Have you or he other opportunities for one on one time?

Yes of course you are being unreasonable. Your husband has made it clear he likes some 121 time with your son and you are encroaching on that. Just let him have his time with him.

Depends. What would DS prefer? And how much other family time do you get?

If you get plenty of other time as a family and DS doesn’t mind either way then I would leave them to it. Use that time for something else, exercise or hobby or meet a friend? Maybe you can find your own 1-1 thing to do with DS another time.

Why do you feel the need to muscle in on their small amount of time together? Are you jealous of their relationship?
He has specifically expressed that he would like this time alone with his son and you are going out of your way to intervene. What is your motivation here?
If my Husband did this to me I would be very annoyed.

I would let them have their time together. Maybe have a late lunch together as a family? Or is it 1 to 1 you also want separately with your son?

Either way, I think it would be better if you sat down as a family and make a fair schedule that you all mostly agree on.

Just leave them be, can’t you just enjoy a bit of time on your own while they’re out? It’s not for long. I think it comes across quite needy and clingy of you, your dh has asked you not to join and you do it anyway.

I would go to the football instead, then let them have their "man time" afterwards to discuss it.

This reads like a reverse

I find it quite suffocating you object to him having 30 minutes

sounds a bit controlling muscling in on it

Massively unreasonable and weird.

Why are you joining when he’s specifically asked you not to?

Your DH cares about your son and wants to do something with him on a regular basis and you feel the need to muscle in? Why? What are you scared of missing? There are so many women who can only dream of their DH wanting to spend time with a child. Please back off before both of them start to resent you and your refusal to let them spend time together.

If you turned tables and it was him controlling your 1:1 time with your DC you'd probably not like it.

You being there changes the dynamic. Leave them alone, if you really want more family time plan something else

My DH and DS bonded hugely over school rugby on Saturday mornings. I wouldn't have dreamt of butting in.
DH had played rugby at school so he was pleased when DS showed some talent for it and happily took him to games, cheered on the sidelines, discussed the game in detail on the way home etc. It was an important father/son time, I would have been a third wheel and it would have changed the dynamic massively.

DH is not wrong for wanting 1 on 1 time with his son. You have the entire weekend bar this 30 minute coffee shop break (that clearly is important to him) to have family time surely? Why do you think a father and son shouldn't have any time building their own relationship?

My own DH takes our DD to a soft play / gymnastics / park on a Saturday or Sunday morning as their bonding time. I absolute love the man for wanting to have that 1 on 1 time, and it gives me a chance to clean / have a coffee in peace. Win win for everyone surely?

DS, now grown and independent, still comes home some Saturday afternoons to watch rugby on TV with his Dad. (If he's not watching it down the pub with his mates.)
DH loves it and I am pleased for both of them.

YAB massively U.

Back off and let them have their time. You can do family activities and have your own one on one time another time.

Yabu

I get to spend loads more time with my DS’s than my DH does.
They now go down the gym together, and then out for lunch sometimes. It’s good for my DS’s to just hang out with him, he’s a very good dad.

If someone asked you specifically not to put your hand in the fire would you?
Why so controlling of the time they have together! FOMO? Jealousy?