To join DH during his weekly father/son bonding time?

[SlightlyOCDMum]

As a word of context I love spending time with my family, going to coffee places etc. My husband usually takes our son to football on Saturday morning and after that takes him for a coffee together. He says this is "his bonding time" with him, that he only has these 30 mins per week to connect with him, and feels protective/would rather I do not join, whereas I see this as an opportunity to spend family time together. Lately I no longer ask DH and just join them directly at the coffee place. AIBU for wanting to spend time together and joining them? Or should I leave my husband having this bonding time without me?

Leave them alone and let them have their time. You should have your own 1:1 time with your son and family time can be arranged for another time. It's 30mins a week for goodness sake!

DH has both asked for 121 time and explained his reasons - you should respect this.

From a child development perspective it is very important, especially in puberty, that a child has an independent relationship with their same sex parent.

There must be other periods in the week where you can bond as a three or have 121 time with your son alone. The latter also important as it offers an opportunity to model opposite sex interactions/relationships in adulthood, especially in heterosexual interactions, so you need to show that you listen to and are considerate of his needs … shoehorning yourself into their dedicated time models the opposite conduct and demonstrates a lack of value for his and dad’s needs.

YABU

Is this the son you hate? You make no sense given your other posts.

No, def don’t!
My DS went off on trips with his DDad (my DH) they were in a cycling club, they went swimming, diving, out on the motorbike - that was a bit ‘eek’ for me… but they generally had a fab time and a very very close relationship. They were planning to go to USA on the dinosaur fossil trail when his DDad was told he’d got 4 weeks to live with terminal cancer. It destroyed our lives.
Let your Ds and DH have their special time together… it’s soo worth it.

If it is, that's also unreasonable. Almost as much as posting reverses.

YABVU - sorry, @SlightlyOCDMum.

My lord. You should be able to give them 30 mins alone. Back off. Find other time to spend as a family instead of butting in on your DH's 1:1 time with his child.

Do you also complain if your husband goes out to meet friends sometimes, or insist that you all watch the same tv programs at night? This sounds massively controlling.

Let them have their own time. My dad died when I was 12 and we had lots of one on one time because my parents were very on and off. I still think about it a lot now, more than 20 years later, and have happy memories of us together.

Having both parents there changes the dynamic and impacts on what’s discussed. By inviting yourself you’re stifling the relationship they have independent of you.

Totally unreasonable, weird and controlling. If you show this little respect for your husbands 1v1 parenting time, don’t be surprised when ‘family time’ doesn’t exist any more because you’re divorced. I’d consider it if that’s what it took to spend time alone with my daughter!

Just looked at your other threads as suggested by PP above - is this the 10yo/DS1 that you don’t hate? In which case, at the times you plan to join DH and DS1 where is the 8yo/DS2 that you do hate? Does he come too, so you have family bonding time, or are you just not wanting to stay home with youngest? (Safeguarding red flag if you are planning on leaving an 8yo/ADHD home alone, btw.)

If it is DS1 you’re referring to, am wondering whether you also interlope on DH/DS2 time… and if not have you considered that your game of favouritism is one of the reasons your younger son displays difficult behaviours with you? Or that DS1 would feel deeply guilty about the attention you seem to want to lavish on him, when compared to his DB?

So strange to ignore him and turn up.
My DH takes kids off bike riding most Sundays then they often eat out. I'd only join if invited! My 9 year old in particular really loves this time alone with his dad.

Yabu let them be.

Another tiring reverse. YABU

In what non-controlling/needy/attention-seeking universe would you think this is okay, OP?

No way op will be back

Search is still fucked here. Can you link one please?

I dont understand why you even want to go. I have 3DC and love spending time without them & doing something I prefer (generally alone!)

Leave them alone & doing something you don't normally get the chance to do.

There’s no way someone is this dense. YABU.

Could you be more controlling! I’m amazed you even need to ask this, massively unreasonable

My son is 22 and once a week when DH is at his DM we go out for evening meal. Its a great time to catch up and connect. We both really missed it when he was at university. Leave the boys alone. FWT my DH and DS go hiking in Switzerland for 10 days every summer and I stop at home and have 1 to 1 time with DD plus some much needed me time. Sorry but OP needs to butt out and find a hobby.

Yes, indeedy.

OP, is this the son you say you hate or the other son? Or one of the two daughters you mention elsewhere?

Very unreasonable I am afraid - why can’t he have 30 mins with your son without you?

This is the precursor for your son to be able to go to your DH with any male issues or concerns! Your DH asked you not to go - you have ignored his wishes (and maybe your DS’s) for your own needs?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5012245-i-hate-my-son

I think YABU. Let them have the time together,he's asked you not to join them. Imagine how you'd feel if the roles were reversed. I often take my dd off for some 1:1 time and would be really annoyed of someone gatecrashes it. Why can't you take your dd off for someone 1:1 time yourself?