To join DH during his weekly father/son bonding time?

[SlightlyOCDMum]

As a word of context I love spending time with my family, going to coffee places etc. My husband usually takes our son to football on Saturday morning and after that takes him for a coffee together. He says this is "his bonding time" with him, that he only has these 30 mins per week to connect with him, and feels protective/would rather I do not join, whereas I see this as an opportunity to spend family time together. Lately I no longer ask DH and just join them directly at the coffee place. AIBU for wanting to spend time together and joining them? Or should I leave my husband having this bonding time without me?

Yes. You should give them this time. It's very important for a child to have 1:1 with each parent.
What you want should not always matter most.

Please don't be that parent. Sorry but I think you're being really selfish here. Leave them alone. All he's asking for is the odd half hour. Stop making it all about you. There is plenty of 'family time' without you intruding on his only bonding time he has with his son.

Bit weird to force yourself in there when your DH has specifically said he wants the 1-1 time.

Can't you do family stuff another time over the weekend?

What's your working situation? do you both work FT?

Awful that you won't allow them that small amount of time together.

Very weird of you to invade their time for no reason. Can’t you enjoy time by yourself for 30 minutes?
Your husband has specifically asked you not to, but you just show up anyway, why?

I thought the same, but I may be wrong.

I'm surprised you need to ask this.

It's not about what you want. Leave them be.

I hope it's not a reverse. They really fuck me off.

Yabu, and you know it.

he only has these 30 mins per week to connect with him

Why does he only have 30 mins a week for his child?

Why don't you ask to join them once a month instead of every week

I think it's lovely your dh wants to spend 1-1 time with your son and presuming he's a loving, caring and appropriate parent then it's good for your ds to have this time with him. Do you have any time 1-1 with your ds without your dh there? Could you plan some in? I think yabu over 30 mins when you can spend the rest of the weekend together.

If its that you're struggling to find 1-1 time with ds or feel you need to bond more with him, an alternative could be that you suggest to dh that you both take it in turns and once week he does football and coffee and the next week you do football and coffee? Otherwise you need to find your own time with ds.

Surely a reverse?
But if not, yes you should leave them to it.

I have one child, a son, I love coffee and I love family time…. I also respect that I share a child with my husband, that my son may grow up and wish to have time with just his dad for a number of reasons, that they may wish to share a hobby or time together without me. I have taken my son abroad without my husband, I’ve been the default parent for drop offs and club runs etc. My husband has never begrudged the 1:1 I have and nor would I do the same. I know myself the dynamic is different when I’m alone with my son than when we’re all together, I’d never deny my husband the chance to have those moments himself.

More importantly if my husband has asked me to give him thirty minutes alone with our son on a weekend, I’d like to think I’d not be so willfully obstructive as to give him that small pleasure.

Why would you deny them this? Are you fearful of missing out? Are you fearful that their bond threatens yours? Let them have their time and make a situation for you to have your 1:1 time too. Not as a replacement for family time, but an enhancement. Maybe plan something nice for your 30 mins not being needed or wanted too, enjoy it and enjoy the fact your child has 2 loving parents who value their time with them.

YABU. I enjoyed 1 on 1 time with my parents.

Let them be, OP.

For context, do you only have the one child?

Why can't you two have your own bonding time OP?

@LucieLemon I was wondering that too. Previous posts show two daughters and two sons

You can have family time at the dinner table at home - it’s lovely for your DS and DH to have that weekly half hour together. Do you have 1:1 time with your DS during the week?

YABVU.

Your arrival changes the dynamics & will affect the conversations they have and the way they interact with each other.

Your DH taken the time to tell you honestly & you're not listening.

I have a lovely dad & my Mum can't bear us talking without her.
Consequently she barges in, hypes it all up & makes it about her.

Leave them be & they'll like you more for it (IME).

I would've thought you could easily find something to do by yourself for 30 minutes. Or, if you are that desperate for coffee, a different coffee shop. If I were DH, I wouldn't be impressed with you and would probably look for a different venue and not actually tell you where they were.

Sorry but you are being unreasonable, let them have that time and make family time somewhere else.

Ffs

Of course YABU. Let your DH enjoy that 1:1 time, it's sad he gets so little time with his child. Do something nice with yourself / enjoy the quiet house!

On the face of it YABU, but you don't really say what happens for the rest of the weekend. If everyone goes their own way and there is no other opportunities for family time then I can understand why you would want to join them.