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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To join DH during his weekly father/son bonding time?

262 replies

SlightlyOCDMum · 26/02/2024 10:33

As a word of context I love spending time with my family, going to coffee places etc. My husband usually takes our son to football on Saturday morning and after that takes him for a coffee together. He says this is "his bonding time" with him, that he only has these 30 mins per week to connect with him, and feels protective/would rather I do not join, whereas I see this as an opportunity to spend family time together. Lately I no longer ask DH and just join them directly at the coffee place. AIBU for wanting to spend time together and joining them? Or should I leave my husband having this bonding time without me?

OP posts:
Itsabouttimeformetogetonthefloor · 26/02/2024 14:07

This is incredible - I’d bite my DH’s hand off if he wanted to take DS out every Saturday! Do you not want some quality time to yourself on a weekend - do you not have any hobbies or wouldn’t you just enjoy a long hot bath sometimes?

Beachywave · 26/02/2024 14:08

You know YABVU

Fupoffyagrasshole · 26/02/2024 14:11

think you need to get a hobby or life outside your family if you can't cope with 30mins away from them!!

AnitaLovesIndianFood · 26/02/2024 14:12

I don’t know what your family dynamic is, are you a SAHP and he works outside the home? Because then I can definitely understand him. My dad worked 60 hours a week while my mum stayed at home to raise us. Therefore, taking us to our football matches on the weekend was sacrosanct to him. My mum fully respected that.

My mum used to also get annoyed when he would rough house with us after coming home from work, just before we were going to bed. Of course, she would be concerned that we wouldn’t sleep then. However, then she realised that this one hour when my dad comes home is the only time in the day that he gets to see us. so if it meant making it a bit more difficult for my mum to put us down, so be it.

Sounds like you need to be a bit more understanding of him

notmoredirtywashing · 26/02/2024 14:13

And another one where the OP doesn't come back 🙄

Cornishclio · 26/02/2024 14:15

YABU and very rude to impose when your DH has asked you not to. He is entitled to alone time with his son. You now make it all about what you want with no consideration for your DH or your son. Why can't the three of you do something another time? How old is your son?

HenleyHenley · 26/02/2024 14:16

You seriously can't cope with 30 minutes without your husband?

Jesus.

ArrrMeHearties · 26/02/2024 14:16

Why can't dh have some 1-1 time with ds? It's not very nice to barge in on their time. If he did it to you I bet you wouldn't like it at all so don't do it to him

Fundays12 · 26/02/2024 14:17

You are coming across as really needy, clingy and controlling. Why cant you let them have some quality time together on there own without you? Sorry unless there is a massive back story I think your totally unreasonable and need to find a hobby or make plans with friends instead. My DH often takes our oldest out golfing for hours and the younger ones go places without me and vice versa. It's not an issue they enjoy it. Dh took the youngest to a club on sat morning whilst I took the middle child elsewhere. The eldest didn't want to go to either so hung out with his friends instead.

dottiedodah · 26/02/2024 14:22

I think YABU here .Bonding time for father /Son is important.Surely you would welcome half an hour to yourself .I would leave them to have a nice time and bond .

cerisepanther73 · 26/02/2024 14:28

Why are so needy 😫 for attention?

ACynicalDad · 26/02/2024 14:30

Find another time, this is theirs.

Henbags · 26/02/2024 14:33

Jesus wept, leave the boys alone.

Iloveblink182 · 26/02/2024 14:34

Unless some huge backstory / drip feed is about to come then YAB massively U. Controlling as well!

britneyisfree · 26/02/2024 14:39

If this is a reverse just start going to a different coffee place

LivingColour · 26/02/2024 14:41

99% YABU.... is this highest ever in MN history?

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 26/02/2024 14:49

Do you not have any other opportunity during the week/weekend to spend time together as a family? Do you get to spend 1-on-1 time with your son? Are you jealous? Are you insecure about them maybe getting close and excluding you?

You are being very unreasonable. It is not healthy to all live in each others pockets. Some separate time is good for everyone.

roarrfeckingroar · 26/02/2024 14:49

Yes YABVVU

DevaleraSpawnOfSatan · 26/02/2024 14:50

Jesus you couldn't make it up..........................Oh wait.....😂

MrsSunshine2b · 26/02/2024 14:51

Is your son your only child? I have to say if I took my child out for a mother-daughter coffee once a week and my husband showed up, I'd find it bordering on controlling to be quite honest. It's 30 minutes. You can manage on your own.

crumblingschools · 26/02/2024 14:53

How old is DS? How much time do you have with him? How much family time do you have together? Important to have bonding time but also family time

BingoMarieHeeler · 26/02/2024 15:01

YABVU and also you can’t be ‘slightly OCD’ op 🙄🙄

JFDIYOLO · 26/02/2024 15:01

Butt out. This is guy time.

Do you have a daughter? Imagine you had mother daughter time and she wanted to talk to you about something she felt shy about raising round her dad - but he tagged along and she didn't feel comfortable about it. Remembering some of the conversations I had with mum I would have curled up inside at the thought of dad hearing them.

Boys need this same sex space too.

Wanttobefree2 · 26/02/2024 15:04

PPTorPDF · 26/02/2024 10:40

This reads like a reverse

Agreed!

Ohnoooooooo · 26/02/2024 15:05

SlightlyOCDMum
OCD is a serious mental health disability. I would like to think you have chosen this name because you have diagnosed OCD rather than you think it would be funny to refer to yourself as being slightly ocd - because that would be the same as referring to yourself as being slightly mentally disabled.