To join DH during his weekly father/son bonding time?

[SlightlyOCDMum]

As a word of context I love spending time with my family, going to coffee places etc. My husband usually takes our son to football on Saturday morning and after that takes him for a coffee together. He says this is "his bonding time" with him, that he only has these 30 mins per week to connect with him, and feels protective/would rather I do not join, whereas I see this as an opportunity to spend family time together. Lately I no longer ask DH and just join them directly at the coffee place. AIBU for wanting to spend time together and joining them? Or should I leave my husband having this bonding time without me?

You can't allow them only 30 minutes together?

Your son and husband are likely to both really start to resent you for the self imposition. Aside from the fact you're interfering in them building a lovely relationship, it's just really bloody rude.

What I took from this is (correct me if I'm wrong) your husband only has this time per week for your son. So you have no other time for family time? If that is the case, you are not being unreasonable to want to share some family time together. 30 minutes per week is sad, do you share meals together or do anything together? Why does he only have this very small amount of time?

This is clearly a reverse. No OP would be so idiotic as to post this otherwise.

Leave them alone!!!!!!

Why can't they have 30 mins together?

Of course YABU! Leave them to enjoy their time together? Are you jealous, or just a bit controlling, or have no life of your own?

I thought it was going to be your husband wouldn’t allow you to watch the son at football sometimes, which would be unreasonable imo. But 30mins at the coffee shop? Yabvu. Can’t you have the rest of the day as family time?

If this is the only 1 to 1 time they have, then I wouldn’t take it away from them. Presumably after the coffee, you can do anything with them and spend time with them for the rest of the weekend.

I would enjoy the break from being Mum and have a coffee at home!

If I were your husband, I'd probably start resenting you.

I echo most others' comments. Let them meet on their own!

I recently read a text about a child psychologist. She had one piece of advice to (particularly) mothers. She said 'the biggest gift you can give your child is to let them develop an independent relationship with their father' (change for mother/second parent of course as applicable).

I really thought that was very wise. There are unfortunately many posts here that seem to show a family life where the mother is involved in everything relating to the children. It really isn't the best for their future. Don't be such a parent.

It’s really weird that he’s asked you clearly to leave them alone for that time and you turn up anyway. Why do you love going to coffee places so much?

My husband has a similar set up where he takes our little boy to football. It is their time together and DS gets so excited when he sees his dad getting his football kit ready. Sometimes he takes him out for hot chocolate after, sometimes he brings him straight home to start “family time”.

I have Fridays all to myself with my son, so I like that my husband has an opportunity for 1:1 time with my son too! Also gives me a chance to chill out at home a bit and enjoy a coffee in peace - everyone is happy!

Please let them enjoy this time together, it’s so important for children to have 1:1 time with both parents.

Let them have this time - having that 1:1 chance to connect is important. You have completely ignored their boundaries especially when your partner has said this time is also special to him and requested to keep this just the two of them which I do not really understand how you did not get the message. Make arrangements for time for the three of you at another time to do something together don't intrude.

can’t really answer properly as not enough information. On the surface it seems yabu but it depends what other family time you have. If that 30mins is the only time you can possible spend as a family then yanbu but I suspect that isn’t the case. Also how often do you get to spend alone with your son to have your own bonding time? I’m assuming a lot more.

I’d strongly recommend everyone do a quick search on this poster…

Why wouldn't you let him have that time?

Why does he only have 30 mins bonding time out of a whole week?

This sounds like a reverse. Whoever you are in this scenario, 1 2 1 time is a good thing. I walk my ds to and from an activity each week and really saviour that time.

Let them have 30 mins alone time together.

I used to do 'Costa Wednesdays' with just me & my eldest - after school pick up, before nursery pick up. We both loved it as our special time.

Routines, priorities will change so give them this time together now.

Yes, op it's your DH that's butting in, isn't it?

Need more info. Do you get family time at other times? Or does DH only have 30mins a week?? Which is v little!

Outrageous, controlling and downright weird to turn up and spoil the only 30 minutes of bonding time he has 1on1 with his son a week after football. If this was the other way around people would be saying domestic abuse / coercive control. Get a grip and enjoy 30 minutes of peace and quiet yourself with a good book.

You know you are being unreasonable.

If you think about it, your husband is trying to ‘reason’ with you and you are not listening.
So you are ‘unreasonable’ .

(and very selfish, unless there is more information you have left out)

This must be a reverse. No one is that dim.