To report dd to the police for steeling?

[Lovemusic82]

Not an easy one but I feel I have tried everything and have posted about dd many times before. Dd has autism, her understanding and language skills are not great, she attends a SEN unit at the local college (but is struggling), despite her poor understanding in some areas she does know right from wrong. Since she was small she’s had an issue with taking things that are not hers, she knows they are not hers, she’s knows she’s not allowed to take them but she just can’t help herself (CAHMs have been useless as have other professionals). Mainly she takes food but there have been times where she’s taken my jewellery, make up from my room, she has been caught steeling from a shop whilst out with school and has attempted several times to steel whilst we have been out. This morning she took £40 from my purse (not the first time), it was my birthday money and she knew this as she saw me receive it. Before I noticed I had already given her a warning after steeling food several times this morning after she had her breakfast. I threatened to send her to live with her dad (even though he wouldn’t agree to this).

I am having major surgery in 3 weeks and I don’t know how I’m going to care for dd, I have been trying to prepare her, trying to encourage her to help me out more and to be a bit more mature (and to stop taking things), my mum will be staying for a week when I’m in hospital and I’m worried dd will steel from her. Dd is almost 18, adult serves are being useless and not sorting respite or suitable accommodation for dd. LEA are also being useless trying to sort a new placement for her. I’m just at the end of my tether and I have tried everything other than calling the police on her. I’m fed up of so called professionals telling me to give her more responsibility, to give her money of her own (I have tried this), I’ve been told I can’t lock her out of my kitchen with out going to court to get permission despite her giving herself food poisoning several times from eating raw food. She’s over weight, she steels food at college and has even been found rummaging in a bin for food.

would i be unreasonable to report her to the police for steeling from my purse? I just don’t know what else to do as no punishment ever works despite her dramatic reactions when I do punish her.

Who said you can’t lock her out of the kitchen without going to court? It’s your kitchen, do whatever you like.

I don’t think the police will do much but I don’t blame you for despairing.

She’s at her dads today, she has handed the money over to him after I text him to check if she had it. She admitted to taking it.

The food thing sounds like she may have Prada-Willi syndrome? Has this ever been investigated?

Put her in irons

Don't do it. You'll give her a criminal record that will wreck her life.

Does she have kleptomania?

Why can’t you have a lock on the kitchen door??

I do to stop my disabled child from constantly eating.

If you’re going to monitor other people’s spelling, you could at least use some capital letters and full stops.

Has Prada Willi been considered?

Social worker/adult services. I was told i ant lock doors because it stops her having access to food and drink if she needed it 🙄. I’ve also been told I can’t lock the front door to stop her running off, because she’s almost an adult and it’s against her human rights. I have been waiting to go to court to get a court order to say I can lock doors to keep her safe. It’s crazy.

I know the police won’t do anything, I guess I want to scare her enough for her to stop doing it. It’s unlikely to work but I have tried everything else. I’ve spent years living like this, not being able to have nice things, having to lock my handbag in my car to stop her taking my money, fridge locks, cupboard locks (which she works out), she’s even hacked into eBay and Amazon and ordered stuff. I can’t take her anywhere on my own as she tries to take things. I can’t take her to other peoples houses because she takes things. It’s a shit life to lead. The frustrating bit is….if she didn’t take everything there’s a chance she could like semi independently. Finding a place for her to live is proving impossible because she needs 24 hour supervision due to steeling.

Well said.

As she has a relationship with her dad can you tell him he needs to have her while you’re recovering from your op? That way your mum can focus solely on you and not fighting fires with DD.

The compulsive behaviour and lack of impulse control sounds really hard to deal with. Does she display 'PICA' type behaviour around eating, the mention of bins made me wonder. If you have a social worker I'd explore accommodation options alternatives as she's a student, would supported accommodation be an option given her ASN? There she could learn about managing her personal needs, money & food with support workers. Maybe it's not an option for you but it does sound like she's going to need the support of professionals, you don't seem to have any faith in the professionals around her but clearly it's gone beyond what you can provide for or cope with. I don't think Police is the answer as she'll run the risk of being taken down a path of criminal justice which won't be an improvement for her or your relationship.

No. I have asked many times only to be told she doesn’t have enough of the traits and apparently it’s pretty rare for girls to have it. She does know when to stop eating (kind of) but can eat a lot.

Does she have her own pocket money? Or any ability to get things without stealing?

It's no use you blaming the 'so called professionals'. What do you expect them to do?

I don't think the police would be remotely interested and even if they were, what do you expect them to do?

I guess you'll have to ensure that there is a consequence when she steals money, jewellery, etc. Not sure about the food... is she just helping herself? I wouldn't have thought it stealing if my children took food without asking.

She does have PICA but it’s a lot better than it used to be, she still eats some non edibles given the chance. Adult services are looking ad supported living but they want her to stay local to me so I can mama get her money and so she can still have close contact to me. Sadly there’s not many supported living places near by that are suitable, she’s either not disabled enough or she needs too much supervision and security.

Is it just you and your dd at home?
If so could you have a fridge in your bedroom and lock your bedroom door and then leave only fruit and veg in the kitchen.
That way dd has access to fresh food and water.
Its a faff but it may work.